Young Writers Society

All I think of,
All I dream of,
Is the way you captured me,
And how I shattered you.

I'll run towards you,
I step back.
You don't recieve
the messages I'm sending out.

I loved the silence before we kissed,
and you intoxicating me with your sweet scent.
I loved the look in your green eyes,
and you laughing by my side.

Your kinks and mischief
kept me wanting more.
Your smiling face
kept me on my toes.

Abruptly ending,
You faded away.
I kept coming back,
to an empty window.

We broke down and lost it.
I gave up in all we had.
I ended it quickly,
based on my own fears.

I always go forward.
I never go back.
I might turn around,
and guide you forward.

I take one last look,
You still linger on my lips.
I get one last glimpse
of your green eyes.

* this has been edited once.

All I think of,
All I dream of,
Is the way you captured me,
And how I shattered you.

I just love that beginning. It's a great start and made me want to read more.

I'll run towards you,
I step back.
You don't recieve
the messages I'm sending out.

Now this, though I like the image I get from it, it doesn't seem to flow quite right. Maybe it's your wording. Maybe try "I run towards you, then step I back. And you never recieve/the messages I send." Something like that. lay around with it.

I loved the silence before we kissed,
and you intoxicating me with your sweet scent.
I loved the look in your green eyes,
and you laughing by my side.

Your kinks and mischief
kept me wanting more.
Your smiling face
kept me on my toes.

This art here is great. Slight spelling error, though, which I've corrected.

Abruptly ending,
You faded away.
I kept coming back,
to an empty window.

We broke down and lost it.
I gave up in all we had.
I ended it quickly,
based on my own fears.

That was great, but I felt like there should be another word rather than 'based'. Maybe "I ended it quickly, because of my own fears". That could just be me, though. That part really doesn't need to be changed.

I always go forward.
I never go back.
I might turn around,
and guide you forward.

I take one last look,
You still linger on my lips.
I get one last glimpse
of your green eyes.

A great end! It leaves the reader with a sort of longing feeling. Very well done! I liked this quite a bit. Nicely written and a strong ending. Just a few breaks in flow, but nothing big or distracting.

Overall, I really liked it.

Keep writing!
-Greena

We broke down and lost it.

I think this line would flow better as, 'We broke down and lost us.'

I might turn around,
and guide you forward.

This is a weird line, I don't see what it means to this poem. I think it might make more sense if you had it be 'Though, I might turn around,
and guide you forwards.'

I'll take one last glimpse

I really liked this poem. I think you had great imagery with the 'green eyes' thing and I liked that. It flowed pretty well but I couldn't quite get the character of the narrator. Was she being left? Or was she leaving him? You say she won't look back but it almost seems as if she is (I'm not sure if that's intended).
See if you can bring forth her personality a bit more. I, the reader, can feel her emotions but I can't feel her reactions as strongly.

Nice job with this!

Keep writing,
Justagirl

I liked it! It didn't really make sense though, sorry. I didn't find any mistakes, but the flow seemed very jumpy. Once again, sorry. It's nice and tells an interesting story, though! Great job!
Keep writing!