Young Writers Society

She runs through your mind,
I can tell she meant the world to you.
She imprinted your brain,
with poisonous lies.

I wish I could've known her,
I wish I could've lived beside you in this horrible time.
I want to know you.
I want to know her.

Can I be Alex,
with her scandelous kiss?
Can I be Alex,
who had you caught in her web?

You say her name,
like something you want and something you hate.
You think of her,
I can read it on your face.

You still haven't gotten over her.
I can't believe it.
You can't forget her,
Yet I still remain.

I really liked where you were going with this, I just wish it was portrayed a bit differently. This would make an AMAZING short story. Like I can see exactly what you're talking about, but the rhythm was a bit off. This has loads of potential =]

This is my first review. How exciting.

Interesting poem. My favourite line is "Can I be Alex, with her scandalous kiss?" Such yearning. It is exemplified by the near sinfulness of the claim to Alex and her devoured prey. But I find the yearning innocent and pure, as the confusion expressed by the first person is clear. I also like how the phrase, "Can I be Alex?" is repeated as it is. Of course, it is fitting that the poem is named after the line which stood out for me.

Good job! My advice for next time would be to include more adjectives? The use of the word was 'scandalous' was powerful, as was the use of the word 'poisonous' in 'poisonous lies.'

I liked reading this because I could relate to it. Keep building on that; keep being honest.

Thanks!

I really really enjoyed this! I agree with Tydecker777 that it is going somewhere and that it would make a really good short story! Keep it up!

This did seem more like it should've been a short story than a poem. I did enjoy it and the word "scandalous" was very powerful. The rhythm is off a bit and I believe you could've described a bit more with who Alex is, however it is a gripping poem. Overall it was very good. Keep writing stuff like this!

I loved this poem. It really spoke to me in a personal way. It inspired me to write my newest poem. Its called "If I Was Her?" It is my favorite line in the whole poem and I will post it up as soon as I can. Please read it and tell me what you think of it. See, I went through a tough time with the love of my life when he told me that he loves his ex, Ashton, more than me. I was crushed and most of my poems are about that. And after reading this poem it brought up some raw emotions that really helped me finish "If I Was Her?". When I post it up here, I really hope that you will like it. I believe that in a way you could relate with the poem in a way.

Back to your poem though. I believe that it is a beautifully written poem filled with emotion that a lot of people can relate to. *Clicks Follow PaperNessa*