Young Writers Society

Wrote this in eight minutes, so it needs some work with the meter. Help me out guys?

Speak for me when I am gone,
Tell my story dusk till dawn.
Keep me alive with magical tales
Of my heart, with each detail,
Of how I loved and longed for peace,
But how I could get no relief.
For I was forced into a world of hate,
And hate it was that made me great.

Forced to fight I made my way,
To the top of the ladder of hate.
I wanted not to hurt a soul,
Peace was my forever goal.
But this world forced me to be great,
Though I longed for mercy, longed for grace.
I fought my way through muck and mire,
So that I may get what I desire.
I have used hate to make me great,
To put me in the only right place
So that in control I may be,
So that I may fight for peace.

Honestly, it was okay. It has some potential, but I feel that your word choice was sort of awkward and that the rhyming was forced, as if you had no other words to use. There's too much hates and greats, but I guess that's just what happens when you write in eight minutes. On the bright side however, I really like the message of the whole thing.

Keep writing!

~theLockedLibrary

Honestly, I really liked this. It was pretty good for something written in eight minutes but I do believe that it could do with a little improvement. I must also agree with theLockedLibrary; you've used a little too much 'hate' and 'great' and the rhyming seemed a little 'forced' in some areas. But other then that of course, this is a great poem! The second stanza is a little confusing at first but then becomes more clear later on. Personally, I think you could've finished this off with a better ending but I don't quite blame you since you wrote it all in a matter of only eight minutes. Anyway, other then that, it was great and keep up the writing spirit (that sounds a little cheesey :S)!!! I hope to read and review more of your works later on in the future!

Hey, wewinwelose!

This poem sounds a little raw and could use some more refinement. But on the whole, 8 minutes? O.O That's great! You've weaved a wonderful tale for the persona as it narrates its situation. The whole concept of 'to be good, you need to bad' is really well explained.

You've got some talent! Keep this up and If you could do this much in just 8 minutes, I can imagine the hurricane you can cause in 5!

Murtuza