Young Writers Society

I am alone.
Sulking in despair,
Rotting inside and out,
Numb and brain-dead.

I cling to my memories,
Of when the world was colourful,
Not black and white.
I was loud, cheerful and happy.

I only had to ask,
To get what I wanted.
Life was easy,
Not a care in the world.

But there was one fateful day,
And it robbed me of my glory,
It broke my heart in two,
And I am left in depression.

I’ll never be fully repaired,
I’ll never be able to smile,
I’ll never be free from my pain,
But life goes on.

This was really enjoyable, if a bit depressing! The whole poem has an immense feeling of loneliness that came across incredibly well- you have a good hand for empathy and drawing sadness from a reader, which is fantastic, especially in poetry. The verses were very well crafted, the mix of short, snappy lines and longer lines make it flow so well, and giving the poem the all important variety it needs. I especially like the opening line "I am alone". It gives you a tremendous sense of the tone of the poem immediately.

My only complaint is that it's a little vague, in the fact that we don't know what happened to your character to make them so depressed. You make hints at the idea of a lover leaving them with the line "It broke my heart in two", but I'd suggest making it a little clearer.

Overall, however, I absolutely loved it, so nice job!

Hey Deanie,

This poem sounds a lot like one that I've written and I really love the way that you've managed to bind all those emotions of feeling lost and scared and not having a place to go to. The overall vagueness of the poem left me wanting for more, but it adds to mystery of the grand plot.

Another very good piece that I enjoyed from you, Deanie! Like I always say, keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza

Hello there, Deanie!

All in all, this poem was okay. I understood the feelings you conveyed. But, frankly, this poem just didn't seem special.

I have no idea how many poems I've read that were about the same thing you wrote about. I'm not saying that it's a bad subject; I'm simply saying that it's been done many times before. When a subject is like that, it's up to the writer to make it different than all of the other poems that have been written about it. I don't feel like you did that here. I won't remember this poem when I press the red x in the corner of the screen.

I only had to ask,
to get what I wanted.
Life was easy,
not a care in the world.

See what I mean? It seems bland to me. Perhaps it's just my taste. Remember, this is just my opinion. At the end of the day, your opinion is the only one that matters. If you love this poem the way it is, don't change it. It's as simply as that.

Always keep writing!!

-Rose