Young Writers Society

I don't know why I'm scared
I've been here before
I've seen this room
I've walked this floor

I don't know why I'm afraid
I'm sure I've been here before 
In the same trapped room
With the same locked door

I don't know why I try
To be white
To be clear
To be clever

I don't know why! 
So don't ask why!
I hate those who ask why! 
Why why why why why!

I don't know why
They ask why
Why would you want to know?
Why...?

I don't know the rivers
I don't know the earth
So why ask why?
It's been this way since birth!

White
Black
Pink 
Brown

I don't know why everything has a name!
What's in a name? 
A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet...
But they tell me, that's not how you play the game.

It doesn't matter where you come from
It doesn't matter where you go
The iron curtains in the east
But the west's as bad as all.

Life is a game 
And the White man wins
They always win
They kill to win...

Chin up they tell me
Stand tall they say
Get shot tomorrow
Grow old today

I don't know why I'm black
I don't know why I'm here 
I don't know why I'm alive
What is my purpose here?

This was really fantastic, with some beautiful ideas and imagery.
The message is clear- break free from racial prejudice! This is a topic that everyone should be fighting for, and it's great to see it put so wonderfully in a poem like this; it gets me inspired and encourages me to get up and do something about it and I'm sure that's what you had in mind when writing this poem, so kudos there.

With the poem itself, rather than the ideas within it, I do feel, and this is a nitpick, that the first two verses feel a little cut off and blunt, but this is something that could be fixed with an extra line, and improved rhyme scheme, or even just adding in a couple more words, just so it flows better.

I don't know why everything has a name!
What's in a name?
A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet...
But they tell me, that's not how you play the game.
It doesn't matter where you come from
It doesn't matter where you go
The iron curtains in the east
But the west's as bad as all.

This is my favourite verse, not simply because you quoted Shakespeare, but because you quoted him well, adding in more lines to frame the quote with your own ideas. I do feel, however, that the verse could be improved still if the last line rhymed with the third to last, again simply for flow and rhythm.

But it has to be said that this is a wonderful poem, I loved every moment of reading it and you should be proud of yourself!

Regards,
BDL

Hi Lily.

I can really understand this poem. Its very easy to relate to. I like the opening. It really quickly draws me into the poem and makes me an eager reader. The first bit of the poem seems a little off the subject, but they were nice verses. I like how you are asking yourself 'why are you scared?' And I love how you repeat the same word again and again just to give it more emphasis.

I liked how you summed it up and I really agree with you on this subject. I've been looked down on because of my colour in many places, but as you said 'chin up'. Keep going. Your poem brings the message out loud and clear. I love it.

Deanie x