Young Writers Society

The stale hands of winter are cold around my heart.
Your blizzard is engulfing me, in this twisted art.
With every drop of snow, the flowers melt away,
Dying from every word they want to hear you say,

But you rage, and you rage, and you never ever cease.
Before the grass can grow again you sweep it from its feet.
You’ve made your final choice now, there’s no turning back
As you creep for the darkness, planning your next attack.

As the clouds make you one with them, back to what you were,
You’ll look at me and forget that you had her.
With one last forceful try, your winds will reach for me,
But you will be left blinded by the light you couldn’t see.

Forget about your snowflake, she’s already gone;
Your clouds will take you somewhere else and you’ll keep raging on.
Your lost other half will be out in the fading snow
Melting in the summer sun, shining on her own.

I usually don't like rhyming poetry much, but I actually liked this a lot. It got better as you continued, the beginning a little rough, but I liked the ideas and imagery in this. My one suggestion is a little more punctuation, particularly in the first stanza. Also, you don't have to capitalize every first letter of each line, but that's a personal preference, and personally I know when I type this stuff onto Microsoft first it instantly defaults to capital letters and it's a pain to go back and change it. Anyway, I thought this was really interesting, I like the concept!
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

It was amazing in every detail. It was a good description of a blizzard and its effects. I liked your use of sensory, vocabulary, and description. The poem was altogether heart felt. Very beautiful.

This is a very well thought out rhyming poem, I love the detail and hard-work you put into this. Keep writing because you are a very good poet.

Okay. I'm going to say something here before I even get into reviewing the poem as a whole: If you're going to use punctuation in a semi-coherent way, it might be best if you expressed that in a coherent way. Yes, a poem can be written with incoherent punctuation (e.e.cummings, for example, has so many delightful examples of this), but if it's in something of a sentence format, in coherent stanzas, with an openly expressed idea... I cannot express to you how much punctuation can help with that.

I am a stickler for punctuation and grammar in general, but don't take it personally; I'm suggesting edits that I think can improve the story you're trying to tell. I hope.

On to the poem itself, though.

The message and coherency of the message and the like: it's cool. It starts out a little vindictive and morphs into something a little softer, still with a snowy tone - though I suppose that's to be expected from "My Blizzard". (On a different note, I think the title could have some other connotation with a different word, but I won't think on that for now.)

First stanza - a few issues. First, the first line. Please put a comma or a semicolon or something at the end of it, please. You can't just read from "heart" to "Your" without a pause in-between, but the poem doesn't tell us to pause, and it doesn't make sense when you're reading it as a stickler. In the second line - what "art"? What is the art? Also, why is it "your" blizzard when the title is "My Blizzard"? There's an entirely different sense of ownership that conflicts with the imagery at this point, which, it has to be said, is falling flat to some degree already. Also, full stop after "art". Third line, comma after snow, comma after away. I do like the words you used in this, though. Fourth line - perhaps dying "from", not dying "with", since you started the previous line with the word "with". The repetition is weak. Full stop after "say" to wrap up the stanza. It doesn't actually lead into part of a sentence in the next stanza, no matter how much you want it to.

Second stanza - Get rid of the beginning conjunction, please. I've said it of sentences and I'll say it of stanzas. It just looks a bit odd, and it doesn't read as smoothly as you think it does. Semicolon or colon after "cease", please; I like it when my punctuation makes sense, too. Second line, comma after "again", but again, I like this imagery, much like that in the third line of the first stanza. Full stop after "feet". Third line - do you want the reader to come away with "you've made your choice now" or "now there's no turning back"? Because if you want the second, you should place the comma accordingly - before the now. Comma or semicolon after "back" at the end. Also, I want to say that "final choice" and "there's no turning back" seem like weak phrases compared to the line before it. Consider human society today: There's always a second chance, so why should a word like "final" bother us? Try a different wording and see if the effect is sharpened. Fourth line, comma after "darkness", and the rhyme "back... lack" is even weaker than your phrasing in the last line, not to mention that the rhythm goes off for the sole purpose of you making that rhyme. If you're having trouble, find an interesting word that rhymes with back (attack, unpack, yak - there's any number of rhymes) and fit the line around the word like a quilt, if that's how you write your rhymes.

Third stanza - I like the first line. Not so much the second. It (the second line) shifts the focus to the speaker and not to the subject of the vindictiveness, making for an abrupt change in tone and thought process, as well as how the reader can look at the poem. Also, add a few syllables to make it match up to the first line. "You'll look at me and soon forget that you had once had her" fits nicely, doesn't it? Full stop after "her". Third line, comma after "me"; other than that, I actually like this stanza.

Fourth stanza - semicolon after "snowflake", not comma, and full stop after "gone" if you can bring yourself to it. Second line, comma after "else". Third line, comma after "snow" - and that's it, I think. Shortest fixes of all the stanzas, but I have little to personally include in this, except that the third line sounds a little awkward and your wording could be better.

All in all, nice poem.

Thanks for the reviews everyone! Seriously, it means a lot that the majority of you all liked it, and even if you didn't, you took the time to read it! So thanks!:)

For the last reviewer, I'm all for reviews, but if you dissect every little thing I do and write, it doesn't become my poem anymore, it becomes yours. The possession issue you point out seems a little irrelevant to me, because I'm referring to a person as being a blizzard, and talking to them personally. Hence, my title, "My Blizzard," implies that they're mine, or something I deal with.
But, nevertheless, thanks for your review. I'll edit the punctuation. I went with a lot of your suggestions, and it did enhance the poem. Thanks.

I really enjoyed this piece. It was empowering, and the use of a storm as a metaphor was striking and it definitely accomplished its goal. I have recently been exposed to the idea of not capitalizing the beginning of every line in order to help the piece flow better, and to make it more appealing to the eye. I would definitely try that here.

I was moved in particular by this line

But you rage, and you rage, and you never ever cease.
Before the grass can grow again you sweep it from its feet.

The use of slant rhyme here and throughout the poem was really good, and that is hard to pull off. Keep up the good work my friend.

Thers