Young Writers Society

Kay so I literally just wrote this, reread it and went "ew." So help me make it better! This one needs some serious work :\.

The sad part about the truth
Is that you know it’s true.
You can’t escape the fact
That you can’t escape the truth.

There is no chance to revise,
No chance to take it back,
No chance for a “second opinion”
Or a different point of view.

What’s done it done,
And what’s done is complete,
No chance to explain
What it is that you mean.

It wasn’t your intent,
It wasn’t your fault,
It wasn’t……..Just Fyi when you're reading this, there is intended to be about a five second gap here....it keeps the rhythm
It wasn’t………

But it was.
And that's the truth
And now that it’s over
It’s become part of you.

And the good thing about truth,
Is that I know it’s true.
And you can’t escape the fact,
That you can’t escape the truth.

Nice!

The first stanza was your strongest, just beautiful and so true, and it concluded nicely, but here are my other thoughts, and fyi the corrections are in red:

The sad part about the truth
Is that you know it’s true.
You can’t escape the fact
That you can’t escape the truth.

There is no chance to revise,
No chance to take it back,
No chance for a “second opinion”
Or a different point of view.

What’s done it done,
And what’s done is complete,-put something else here because it's redundent
No chance to explain
What it is that you mean.

It wasn’t your intent,
It wasn’t your fault,
It wasn’t……..[strikethrough]Just Fyi when you're reading this, there is intended to be about a five second gap here....it keeps the rhythm[/strikethrough]
It wasn’t………-add something more meaningul here

Add more in between these stanzas

But it was.
And that's the truth
And now that it’s over
It’s become part of you.-clarify

And the good thing about truth,
Is that I know it’s true.
And you can’t escape the fact,
That you can’t escape the truth.

That's all!
-Klotrox

The sad part about the truth
Is that you know it’s true.
You can’t escape the fact
That you can’t escape the truth.

The two last lines are probably my favourite in this poem, but I can't help thinking it could be improved with a stronger ryhme scheme. Verses of four lines are more often than not formatted in ryhming couplets, which is quite simple if you just fiddle around with the words and ideas.

There is no chance to revise,
No chance to take it back,
No chance for a “second opinion”
Or a different point of view.

Again, formatting. And punctuation. You've used different amounts and types of punctuation than in the first verse. Try to keep it to commas in the first and third lines and full stops on the second and fourth. Also, you probably don't need inverted commas around 'second opinion'.

What’s done it done,
And what’s done is complete,
No chance to explain
What it is that you mean.

Again, great ideas, but would feel and look better with the aforementioned punctuation and a ryhme scheme.

It wasn’t your intent,
It wasn’t your fault,
It wasn’t……..Just Fyi when you're reading this, there is intended to be about a five second gap here....it keeps the rhythm
It wasn’t………

OK, please don't put noted slap bang in the middle of your poem. If you want a space between lines, just make it so with ellipses and spaces. Or fill the verse with a few more lines with some diversity within the poem. Telling us how to read your poem with a note makes it look a little cluttered.

But it was.
And that's the truth
And now that it’s over
It’s become part of you.

Again, punctuation and ryhme scheme, but this is a good verse, overall.

And the good thing about truth,
Is that I know it’s true.
And you can’t escape the fact,
That you can’t escape the truth.

A great repetition of the first verse, very clever, but if you do decide to heed my advice with the ryhme scheme, make sure the first verse matches the last on that front.

Overall I really enjoyed this, it simply needs a few more tweaks to make it great!