Mother

Mother, I have gone mad.

I have split myself into two;

two black slabs of a person.

One sits in his wretched cave, screaming silently at the wall -



the other is cold, he does do, he does say

much more than you.

Mother, you have killed me.

Mother, I blame you.



I tried to off myself this morning,

but, like the moon, I am a hook,

and I am nailed to the dreadful sky.

The sky is not black, the sky is not blue;



oh the sky; I loathe it.

It is white and it peels away my skin

like a vegetable. Mother, I am the moon.

And you have stripped me bare.



I see it all from up here, through the blinding

terrible light. I see children and I weep for them,

that they should live.

Dear God...

I really do love this poem. I really do. I love the desperation that the reader can infer in the speaker's tone; I love the word choice and the rhythm and the glorious deliciousness of the disorganization that is, somehow, organized. I love the poetry that is instilled in these words, and I love the implications and the ideas. As a person who has trouble with her own mother at times, this poem speaks to me. It's a very loquacious idea you've awoken in my brain.

A few issues I have with this work - in the second stanza, third line, the lack of the comma after Mother when the rest have commas included afterwards. In the third stanza, second line, there should either be a comma after "but" or the comma after "moon" should be excluded (speaking from a purely grammatical point of view). From a rhythm point of view, it does little, but an extra pause after "but" might give the reader time to absorb the idea of the speaker being like the moon.

I also love your use of caesuras and every other poetical thing you've included here. For the most part it reminds me of Hamlet, but it's a delirious case of otherworldliness and selfliness - this poem knows exactly what it is.

I can practically feel the emotion flowing out of you threw your poetry... Though it's a little dark for my liking, still a great poem. Keep Writing!!!
Sincerely,
Lesley

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Thank you very much, I'm glad you both like it Even the most awful things manage their own beauty sometimes, you enjoying it, I would say, is an example of that, so thank you for making a horrid moment beautiful

This is amazing. I can't even begin to tell you how much this poem spoke to me. I can feel your emotions pouring through your words into the reader... you really have a great way of communicating dark feelings. I love your last line. And yes, dark things do have their own beauty, especially when you put them into words like that.

I love poems that have dark, dramatic themes only because I can just imagine the angst and pain that was put into this poem. I love it!!

So much yes!!
I am not really a poem kind of guy, but wow! This is really good. I love the imagery and the description you put into it. I felt the emotion and I absolutely loved the flow of it. Fantastic job! I do hope to see you put out another one of your beautiful poems on here.

Thank you I'm glad that you like it.