emotions

I find myself sitting in the dark
my door is locked
the curtains are down
i know what i've done as sharp shooting pain
takes over my arm
teardrops fall
as the blood hits the ground
it doesn't matter,i don't matter,nothing matters
my eyes are tired of crying
now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears
feeling useless
feeling helpless
emptiness takes over
mixed emotions
scars will stay,they will remain
a part of me they will forever be
not promising to not doi it again
because soon i will be between these four walls again
teardropping and bloodshedding

Strangely every piece I've been reading lately I've been liking. This was a good poem, and I liked the way you described the pain which lead to the cutting. Be sure to capitalize "I" throughout the poem, but other then that I don't see any grammar issues. I really liked it, and hope to read more soon! Keep on writing!

Emotions as a title is usually sets writers up for disaster. But I truly adore this poem! The way you started off the intro, by letting the readers know the physical and emotional setting, was genius! I love the way you structured the poem! Maybe a few more capitals would help separate the thoughts a bit.

now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears

My favourite line! But I find it a touch long. My suggestion is ;

now it was my bodies turn of crying
those red tears

This would give it a little more emphasis on your incredibly beautiful line! You are such a great writer!

This was a very powerful and emotional poem, but you need to clean it up a bit. First off, the title is crappy...try to think of something that will 'interest' the reader. Will make me WANT to read it. I only clicked cause it only had 2 reviews...otherwise, I wouldn't have. Get what I'm saying? Also, I personally dislike no punctuation in poetry. It annoys me to death and makes it hard to focus on the actual words. Basically, the technical stuff should NOT distract the reader from the actual point of the poem, but when a piece has no punctuation, it does.

radiatelove23 wrote:I find myself sitting in the dark,
my door is locked
the curtains are down.
I know what I've done as sharp shooting pain "Realize" might be a better word than "know" here.
takes over my arm.
Teardrops fall
as the blood hits the ground.
It doesn't matter,Idon't matter.There needs to be as space after the commas.
Nothing matters.
My eyes are tired of crying,
it's my body's turn to crying those red tears.
Feeling useless,
feeling helpless;
emptiness takes over. How can you be empty if your filled with mixed emotions? Emotions are certainly not empty, even if they are not happy emotions. Maybe nix this line, or the next?
Mixed emotions.
Scars will stay,they will remain; There needs to be a space after the comma, again.
a part of me they will forever be.
I can't promise to not do it again,
because soon I will be back between these four walls, again I'd take out the "again" as you just used it at the end of the previous line. I also think this could be the end of the poem without that last line. It seems stronger that way.
teardropping and bloodshedding.

So yeah, as I said, this is a deep, emotional poem, and you did a good job on that. It's more the technical stuff you seem to be having trouble with. Hope this helps!

This is a really good, powerful, touching poem! I like the message and the amazing descriptions. All though I think you need to work on the grammar for the sake of it and add some punctuation not to suffocate the reader, and most important - capitals. Matthews grapsed most of the errors so I don't think I need to point them out, it's just this line here;

"now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears" - This sentence I just can't figure out... weird choice of wording, I don't know, but I think you need to rewrite it

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I find myself sitting in the dark,
my door is locked,
the curtains are down,
i know what I've done as sharp shooting pain
takes over my arm.
Teardrops fall,
as the blood hits the ground
it doesn't matter, I don't matter, nothing matters,
my eyes are tired of crying,
now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears,
feeling useless,
feeling helpless,
emptiness takes over,
mixed emotions,
scars will stay, they will remain
a part of me, they will forever be
not promising to not do it again This is a very weirdly structured line. I get what you're saying, but it's structure is bad.
because soon i will be between these four walls again,
teardropping and bloodshedding

So 1) A lot of punctuation to go over in your work.

2) You could be showing us a lot more. If you want to make this poem more than just "OK" go over it, cut it down. You've got a lot of stuff you can cut and reword. Ever heard the use of "powerful verbs"? Use strong verbs to describe how you feel. Instead of feeling helpless, what does it DO TO YOU. Does it STING you? Does it PENETRATE YOU? Does it SUCK YOU UP into a vacuum? What?

Without the use of strong verbs, this poem is quite boring in my opinion. Go over it again. It's ok, but it could be a lot better. Always aim for a lot better. Hope this helps.

Hello there. :3

radiatelove23 wrote:I find myself sitting in the dark
my door is locked
the curtains are down

These lines are well written but what it lacks is imagery. These are just simple lines noted down but to convert these lines into poetry you need to include some imagery to it. Tell us something about the feeling you get while sitting in the darkness. Explain about the locked door, you could even compare the door with something more sophisticated and something on how the curtains look what it could resemble and all. You get me, right?

radiatelove23 wrote:i know what i've done as sharp shooting pain
takes over my arm
teardrops fall
as the blood hits the ground

The first line here is a bit too long as compared to the others which kind of bothers the reader and also interferes with the flow of the poem. So it would better if that would be broken into smaller lines.

radiatelove23 wrote:it doesn't matter,i don't matter,nothing matters
my eyes are tired of crying
now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears

You need to capitalize the I’s in the poem and leave a gap after you give a comma. I could understand what you have written in the last line here but it is presented in a complex manner. Just simplify it a bit.

radiatelove23 wrote:because soon i will be between these four walls again
teardropping and bloodshedding

It should be tear dropping and blood shedding. These aren’t single words so keeping them attached isn’t right.




I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing.

A very emotional poem reflecting the pain and hurt the person is feeling. I would suggest the use of capital letters when starting a new line otherwise it just throws me off a bit. Other than that,

radiatelove23 wrote:i know what i've done as sharp shooting pain takes over my arm

This line seems a bit awkward. Consider revising it.

radiatelove23 wrote:now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears

I think it would be better if you wrote, 'Now it was my body's turn to cry those red tears'

Other than that, I think you've put great effort into this. SO try harder and you'll get better everytime.

~Twinkle~

Hey Radiatelove23!

Well, I think poem's fine but a little confusions here and there.

I find myself sitting in the dark
my door is locked- "My door is locked" it kind of gives the writer a lazy feeling because it looks like just how we speak. It could be like this. "with the door locked". It sounds so much better.
the curtains are down- See it this way. "The curtains covering the light." Has a lot of feeling and not simple too.
i know what i've done as sharp shooting pain- I didn't much understand this line. Still confused.
takes over my arm
teardrops fall
as the blood hits the ground- I love this line. Very original. Keep it up!
it doesn't matter,i don't matter,nothing matters- In writing the "I"'s should always be capital. Very important.
my eyes are tired of crying
now it was my bodies turn of crying those red tears
feeling useless
feeling helpless
emptiness takes over
mixed emotions
scars will stay,they will remain
a part of me they will forever be
not promising to not doi it again Spelling mistake. Hehe. It's "not promising to do it again". There's no need of 'not' in between promising and to.
because soon i will be between these four walls again- Four walls? *scratches head* I didn't understand
teardropping and bloodshedding

Overall, it was nice....
I got the emotion. Well written.

Please keep writing and inform me when you have another poetry! ^^

Would give this a 8/10.
Like it! <3

Cheers and Love,
Cookie or LM.

I find myself sitting in the dark,
my door is locked,
the curtains are down.
I know what I've done as sharp shooting pain(not really working as a phrase)
takes over my arm;
Teardrops fall
as the blood hits the ground.
It doesn't matter,I don't matter,nothing matters.
My eyes are tired of crying-
now it was my body's turn of crying(I think 'shedding' would fit better here) those red tears.
Feeling useless,
feeling helpless-
emptiness takes over
mixed emotions.
Scars will stay, they will remain
a part of me- they will forever be.(maybe 'be there'?)
Not promising to not do it again-(bad structure- 'not promising to never do it again' maybe?)
because soon I will be between these four walls again,
tear-dropping and blood-shedding.


It was a very nice read, it's hard to feel that way- and your poem's showing it.
I greatly enjoyed it while nitpicking- hope I helped...

Anyway, you're very talented.
Keep writing,
SubjectBlue.