I Lost Myself

Spoiler

Yet another poem about self esteem and whatnot... About a girl looking into a mirror, or me losing myself to an ED.
I wrote it on my iPhone so sorry about any grammar and punctuation errors. Feel free to be harsh!

I watch as my lashes dip into the glass pool,
Groping through its exact waters,
Trying to find a hint of who I really am.

Though all I find
Are discarded pages of "shoulds" and "nots"
And reflective lies.

But I am naive,
A large thing who stuffed herself,
her dreams and wishes and goals
into the tiniest little girl,
A dancing elf child with fantasies
that flowered from her head.

So I take these lies, these perceptions,
And paint them on my lips,
Letting the foundation dribble from my mouth,
Leaving a trail of hate for myself.

Yet, I cry when no one when wipes up my messy failures,
My doubts and disappointments.

I cry because I can't do it on my own--
It's the only path I know how to follow.

hmmm...this poem seems a bit messy. You may want to clean it up a little.

And I cry when no one when wipes up my messy failures and doubt and disappointment.

And cry because I don't know how to,
Myself

This part made very little sense to me, and there's that one randomly long line in there. It looks to me like you forgot a word or two in that last stanza, because "I don't know how to, myself" makes no sense. Also, it seems like you said "and" a few too many times.

Some of the line breaks are also awkward. Example:

But
All I find
Are discarded pages of "shoulds" and "nots" and
Reflective lies.

This would, in my opinion, read much smoother as such:

But all I find
Are discarded pages of "shoulds", "nots"
And reflective lies.

Otherwise a very emotional poem...you just need to do a bit of cleaning. Keep at it!

This is a great poem. There is a bit of messy grammar, in one case a word being repeated twice, but that is beside the point and quite easily fixed. I like the way you've described water and the loss of hopes and dreams and everything. Overall, this is some good work. Keep it up. I hope I'll see another one of your poems.

Thanks for your reviews! Yeah, I have been trying to clean it up, I'm still working on it.
And OK, paintingtherain, I have absolutely no idea where the repeated word is... Haha, could you tell me which one it is?? I don't really have a computer right now ( I'm on my phone) so editing is kind of difficult...

Heelluue, Here comes a quickky, but hopefully helpful, review!!

Ehm so I always begin with the lesser good.. No I dont, but now I am! Eh, so-
* You've managed with great punctuation in most parts of this piece, but in the second stanza you seem to have forgotten it.
* There are some grammatic errors, or just accidental mistakes perhaps.. for example.. this line;
" Yet, I cry when no one when wipes up my messy failures," - The latter "When" in this line seems a bit off, doesn't it? I don't like the word "messy" here either.. seems a bit awkward, try a different synonym
* Also.. you change structure of your stanxas all the time... it bugs the flow a bit so maybe keep to one or two structures.. ?

So that's the bad parts.. but there are good parts too, I swear! For one, I like your style, and the content of this piece. You're telling a great story, and you use brilliant imageries. Even though, as one the flow was partially choppy, if you read the stanzas one by one, it's really good

Good Luck & Keep Writing

I give you 3 of 5 Spiders! But polish it up a bit and I'll send you one and a half more!

// Demoness

Hey there!
Make sure you take care with your punctuation - it can be tricky in some forms of poetry, even the best of us must struggle with it!
In some places your flow was interrupted too, try to work on that. for me, I find reading my piece aloud can be really useful to find where it sometimes becomes choppy. Good luck!