Why

Good start. You begin by using "why" and the term itself somewhat makes the reader expect an answer or at least some rational. It starts off by asking very broad questions then as it concludes it focuses more on two people and the love one of them has for the other. In this sense it is an inverted pyramid (general at the top = wider, specific at the conclusion = point,) and could have been longer. Perhaps I expect it to be longer because of the "whys" and not enough "because" but also because the last line,

I guess you don't get that

has a lot of uncertainty which does not make a strong conclusion. What makes me say it has uncertainty, the "guess" element. In the end when you say "I guess you don't get that" it translate to the reader I guess this person does not get that you like them. It has all the ingredients of a love ballad all it needs is the metaphorical cauldron to be a tiny bit more hotter producing even more metaphorical bubbles.

It seems a bit rushed, but was overall an okay poem. I give it 3 out of 10.

Why can't I tell you how I feel
why am I so scared to talk to you
why can't everyone just get along
why do people have to be judge mental
why did god make life so hard -----------> "G" in God is usually capitalized unless used to mock God
why does my heart always feel like it
skips a beat when I see you
Yes I like you alot but,--------------------> should be two words "A lot"
I guess you don't get that

The things I like about this poem - it's simple and easy to read, the rhythm is OK, and the structure - it looks nice.

However - you're lacking a heck of some well deserved imagery - snuggle in some metaphors, similes - don't be so literal! Pack in as much punch as you can into this poem! Keep the simplicity, but SHOW instead of TELL. Instead of asking questions, SHOW us how it really is - how it is for YOU. Then we can relate to it and it's emotionally much more powerful!

Hope this helped, keep on writing!

Alright, this piece is interesting. You're directing the entirety of it to an emotion that many teenagers feel so its rather easy to understand and relate. The problem with taking a topic like this is that its been used many a times before now, and will probably be used even more. That being said, to make such a topic your own, you need to make it original. Metaphors, similes, and poetic device would usually help with that, but this is very straight-forward.

I believe the underlined message you are trying to get across appears to be far too blunt. In poetry, because of the fact you are given only so much space to fill with everything you want to put across, you need to be able to use each and every word for the purpose.

So, what I want you to do is take this and to expand. Simply stating things does not make poetry good. So bring out the imagery card. Show us how you feel not by stating it outright but by being subtle and connecting. If you can do that then the cliche of the topic won't come across as such.

That and the smiley emoticon kind of takes away from the seriousness of the poem. If you want this to be taken a little more seriously, let me recommend taking that out completely. We already get what you're feeling from the piece in itself.

Other than that, keep writing and I'll keep reading. You have the emotion. Now its simply the application that needs a little work.

~Walker

Thanks I will work on it all soon. I'm glad you liked it.

Hm.. I'm sorry, but I find this piece quite cliché. There are loads of poems just like these, and if this is the topic you want to focus on you need to give it an original spin. There was not much showing, and imagery in this. Just quick words... it's not that fun to read. I do feel like you've got the right emotions and words to make this in to something good though and I like the way you've built you stanza. But add some imagery to it, and make it original and it'll be much, much better. ALSO, don't forget punctuation.

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

ok thanks but i like it this way im gonna add more to it but that's it