Body vs. Mind

Body vs. Mind

There's an on-going struggle
Between my body and mind,
My body's functioning like most others,
But my mind is of its own rare kind.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
My mind refuses to
Breathe, sleep and eat.

My mind claims
Breathing is boring.
But my body cries,
Suffocating is exhausting.

My mind explains;
Sleep is wasting time.
But my body roars,
Insomnia’s a crime.

My mind assures
Eating is tedious.
But my body disagrees,
Starvation is devious.

My lungs keep gasping for air,
But are left unsatisfied,
So my energy I must spare.

My eyelids close to sleep,
But my thoughts keep spinning,
So for hours I just lie and weep.

My stomach roars for food,
But I can't swallow a bit,
So it tears on my mood.

I turn in to a ghost – breathless.
I turn in to a zombie – insomniatic.
I turn in to a host – hollow.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
But my mind doesn’t
Breathe, sleep or eat.

So I grow weaker without realizing why,
I lose my breath, sleep, appetite and die.

Hi there!!

So, this was quite lovely, I've gotta say. I love how it describes that internal struggle that so many people go through. It's not an easy thing to really put into words, and so I commend you for that.

The one thing I noticed was that the rhythm was a little thrown off when you suddenly switched from four line stanza's to three line stanza's. I would recommend picking one of the two. (If my opinion counts, I prefer the four line stanza's. They're best for rhyming sequences.)

Also, there's this stanza:

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
But my mind doesn’t
Breathe, sleep or eat.

I feel like it's restating what you've already said so beautifully, and thus it's not necessary, and especially not twice. I would nix both of them. Redundancy is for persuasive essays, and not for poetry.

This was great, though!! I really like it and I hope you keep up the good work!!

~Molly

So, first off this is a great poem. It's an interesting idea, and I liked how in the end the mind won. I just have a few nitpicks now.

My body's functioning like most other,
But my mind is of its own rare kind.

I think you should have others, it would just flow better in my opinion.

My mind assures
Eating is tedious.
But body disagree,
Starvation is devious.

Disagrees.

My lungs keep gasping for air,
But are left unsatisfied,
So I must my energy spare.

I think maybe you should say, "so my energy I must spare" or something like that. The way you have it is just awkwardly worded.

So for hours i just lie and weep.

Capital I please.

My stomach roar for food,
But I can't swallow a bit,

Roars.

So I grow weaker without realizing why,
I lose my breath, sleep and appetite and die.

It seems weird to have two ands so close together. I think it would work better if you just took out the first and.
Other than that, it was a great poem! I really enjoyed reading it, and I know what it's like to have a struggle between body and mind.

I truly enjoyed this. I liked the idea, a battle between mind and body. I think it would be interesting if you had told who won, (most likely mind, since it controls body). Or perhaps you did hint at this, but I missed it.

There's an on-going struggle
Between my body and mind,
My body's functioning like most others,
But my mind is of its own rare kind.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
My mind refuses to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
This paragraph was too repetitive for me. I can see what you are trying to do here, but perhaps there is a better way to do it. Even if you took out the last line and ended this on "My mind refuses." I feel that would add more flow.

My mind claims
Breathing is boring.
But my body cries,
Suffocating is exhausting.

My mind explains;
Sleep is wasting time.
But my body roars,
Insomnia’s a crime.
Sleep is wasted time
My mind assures
Eating is tedious.
But my body disagrees,
Starvation is devious.

My lungs keep gasping for air,
But are left unsatisfied,
So my energy I must spare.
My lungs gasp for air

My eyelids close to sleep,
But my thoughts keep spinning,
So for hours I just lie and weep.
I don't like the use of the word keep in the two paragraphs above
"But my thoughts continue to spin" perhaps?
My stomach roars for food,
But I can't swallow a bit,
So it tears on my mood.

I turn in to a ghost – breathless.
I turn in to a zombie – insomniatic.
I turn in to a host – hollow.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
But my mind doesn’t
Breathe, sleep or eat.
Again, this paragraph seems too repetitive to me. But I do like how it matches the one from the beginning.
SoI grow weaker without realizing why,
I lose my breath, sleep, appetite and die.

The things written in blue are only suggestions. Cheers mate

Firstly I will inform you that this poem was devilishly good. It was witty and if that word is too overused let me replace it with sarcastically hilarious.

Suffocating is exhausting.

This has to be one of those statements that are semi-factual in nature. Surely the panic of suffocating will make you exhausted should you recover.

"

Starvation is devious

"
Touché. Although is it greedy to eat for selfish pleasure?

My stomach roars for food,
But I can't swallow a bit,
So it tears on my mood.

Again this could be semi-factual. Happy tummies = happy writers:)

The conclusion made me less giddy. Good use of rhyming "why" with "die" as it lyrically completed this piece. Additionally, and I am looking deeper, death itself signals and end. Ultimately, this has the makings of a timeless classic in the sense that it can transcend time because you do not mention 21st century items that make it century specific. In this sense you are less likely to exclude anyone who may not be aware of a trend and all the more likely to appeal to general poetry lovers who just enjoy a good poem without specific references to brands or items specific to a certain age or period.

There's an on-going struggle
Between my body and my mind,
My body functions like most others,
But my mind is of its own rare kind.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
My mind refuses to
Breathe, sleep and eat.

My mind claims
Breathing is boring.
But my body cries,
Suffocating is exhausting. Nice semi rhyme. Nothing forced. Love it.

My mind explains;
Sleep is wasting time.
But my body roars,
Insomnia’s a crime. Haha, nice.

My mind assures
Eating is tedious.
But my body disagrees,
Starvation is devious. Love the rhyme of tedious and devious.

My lungs keep gasping for air,
But are left unsatisfied,
So my energy I must spare. Not sure why you swtiched to 3 lines instead of 4 now. Kind of distracted me. Also, "spare" feels forced. You seemed to have changed the words around to make it rhyme.

My eyelids close to sleep,
But my thoughts keep spinning,
So for hours I just lie and weep.

My stomach roars for food,
But I can't swallow a bit, I don't like this line. The flow is off a little. Too many syllables?
So it tears on my mood.

I turn in to a ghost – breathless.
I turn in to a zombie – insomniac.
I turn in to a host – hollow.

My body needs to
Breathe, sleep and eat.
But my mind doesn’t
Breathe, sleep or eat.

So I grow weaker without realizing why,
I lose my breath, sleep, appetite and die.

All in all, I quite liked it. However that one line feels forced. Also, maybe if you used a tad more imagery, I would definitely love to see that. Other than that though, it's light, it's fun, simple - good job!

Interesting piece, I enjoy the vicious battle between the two with the person stuck in the middle.

I do feel like it gets a little repetetive at times though, I personally would ditch a few of the lines but its your vision and mine is just one opinion.

Hey there.

I really appreciate the symbolism here and the internal war involved. The concept is rather magnificent, as from its micro standing it paralells the worlds main problem--disagreement. This poem is the first step, you should use the same concept for the next but alter it a bit by materialising both the essence of body and mind into two characters that wage in war on a surface that resembles your sustainance.

Just a friendly thought. (wink)

Great piece though, keep it up and please dont stop.

Abyss.

love the way you made all the words rhyme perfectly with each other
i felt every word that was written

Keep up the good work and NEVER give up.