Thats What They Say

False hope weaves lines into flesh etched with misery
Misfortune and grief selects its random victim
No escape for the innocent, sinners shall prevail
Spreading their misdeeds, priding their ill-gotten gains
The sky is falling, that’s what they say
The world is crumbling beneath our feet

Oh the normality of being different
Oh the difference of being normal
Will the world ever find a way to change?

Cities painted with blood find ways to worsen
The tainted soil on which we build our civilizations with no civility
One man changes the path on which he runs
But one man alone cannot change the stars above
Corrupt as we are, we can change as race
Can but won’t, won’t but should

Oh the things that we’ve done
Oh sins we cannot take back
Will the world ever find a way to change?

Very impressive Really good use of detail too. a bit confusing for me but I loved it all the same. Only fault;
YOUR PUNCTUATION HAS WANDERED OFF! :O sorry that was quite loud typing. Other than that i t was really good

Keep up the writing

~ Tinkem

I liked it. However, I am a bit confused myself as to who specifically you are indignant towards. Also, perhaps you can contrast this feeling with something else, if you want this poem to feel hopeful.

Cities painted with blood find ways to worsen

I didn't like that line. Maybe if you replaced "cities" with "people", it would make more sense. You're kind of implying here that all people are bad, you know? Just a suggestion.
-Alex

Hello! This is the first review I've done in a while so lets hope it good!!

So, I like his, it is very creative in how you bring the subject across. I like the words you used and how they repersented the way we are as people. At some points the flow was lost, if you go back and reread this you will probuly spot them and be able to fix it. I really liked the them, the terrors of humanity, things we can change butt don't. This was really good, and I rally liked it. Just go through and try to fix those spots that mess up the flow.

Keep writing!

~Rain~

Wow! That was incredible! You're so young and you can write like that! Firstly, I would just like to say that i really loved this. I loved the deep message behind it and I loved the inspiration. I felt it was very meaningful and shows that there are some people in the world who actually see the problems within it, unlike a lot of people. That's a really neat gift to have.

Ok, well as a review this must have some constructive critisism right? Although I'll say, it was hard to pick out anything bad.

False hope weaves lines into flesh etched with miseryMisfortune and grief selects its random victimNo escape for the innocent, sinners shall prevailSpreading their misdeeds, priding their ill-gotten gainsThe sky is falling, that’s what they sayThe world is crumbling beneath our feetOh the normality of being differentOh the difference of being normalWill the world ever find a way to change?Cities painted with blood find ways to worsenThe tainted soil on which we build our civilizations with no civility One man changes the path on which he runsBut one man alone cannot change the stars aboveCorrupt as we are, we can change as raceCan but won’t, won’t but shouldOh the things that we’ve doneOh sins we cannot take backWill the world ever find a way to change?

I found that - 'Oh', was repeated a bit more than needed. Once or twice is good and still gives it a bit of rhythm without being far too repetitive. To be honest I couldn't find anything else. This was great and the metaphors were amazing.

Oh the normality of being different Oh the difference of being normal

This was my favourite part. Very clever.

Overall, fantastic work. Good structure and I wouldn't change very much in it. =] Keep up the great work. If you ever would like a review I'd be glad to help. I love your writing.