Athena, Your Hatred Stays Strong

I forgive you not, Athena.
For what you've done to me.
An unbearable decay of skin and blood, a walking Gorgan corpse.
Feared by all.
It was not my fault, my fault alone.
Of Poseidon's wretched doing in your holy temple and shrine,
he has poisoned the well of purity and light that I had drunk from by your feet.
He stole my innocence and devoured all what I was.
My goddess, an incurable act - you have banished me to an unthinkable layer of fire
and stone.
Serpent hair and bronze knuckles.
Golden wings and eyes who turn very men to stand still in time, in time frozen forever.
Cement soldiers who's armour served them no use.
Athena, should you never forget me.
The vicious monster that I am, for an act I committed not alone and not for lust or pleasure.
Now, I will fall back asleep and wait...
Wait, for the next hero I will only have to slay with one look.

GagaBowie wrote:I forgive you not, Athena.
For what you've done to me.
An unbearable decay of skin and blood, a walking Gorgan corpse.
Feared by all.
It was not my fault, my fault alone.
Of Poseidon's wretched doing in your holy temple and shrine,
he has poisoned the well of purity and light that I had drunk from by your feet.
He stole my innocence and devoured all what I was.
My goddess, an incurable act - you have banished me to an unthinkable layer of fire
and stone.
Serpent hair and bronze knuckles.
Golden wings and eyes who turn very men to stand still in time, in time frozen forever.
Cement soldiers who's armour served them no use.
Athena, should you never forget me.
The vicious monster that I am, for an act I committed not alone and not for lust or pleasure.
Now, I will fall back asleep and wait...
Wait, for the next hero I will only have to slay with one look.

Another nice write from you... Nice job.

GagaBowie wrote:I forgive you not, Athena.
For what you've done to me. There shouldn't be a period between those lines.
An unbearable decay of skin and blood, a walking Gorgan corpse. "Unbearable" doesn't work here. Why is it unbearable? Don't summarize things, explain everything. The decay is unbearable because... it was a Gorgan corpse. By Gorgan corpse, we can assume it was unbearable. So, no need for unbearable.
Feared by all. Weak line. To make this stronger, use something like "Dreaded by the blind earth." Dreaded is a stronger form of feared, and blind earth shows that the people can not look at her.
It was not my fault, my fault alone. This line is unnecessary, because later you explain how it was not her fault, and with much better imagery, too.
Of Poseidon's wretched doing in your holy temple and shrine,
he has poisoned the well of purity and light that I had drunk from by your feet.
He stole my innocence and devoured all what I was.
My goddess, an incurable act - you have banished me to an unthinkable layer of fire
and stone.
Serpent hair and bronze knuckles.
Golden wings and eyes who turn very men to stand still in time, in time frozen forever.
Cement soldiers who's whose armour served them no use.
Athena, should you never forget me.
The vicious monster that I am, for an act I committed not alone and not for lust or pleasure.
Now, I will fall back asleep and wait... Now, I will take to my slumber, muscles coiled in wait...
Wait, for the next hero I will only have to slay with one look.

Don't use lines that are A. weak and explained later on with imagery, or B. simply weak. Always be aware of the image you want to portray in the reader's mind. Lines such as "It was not my fault, my fault alone" do not give us a picture.

Other than that, nice poem about Medusa. I would have liked the emotion to be stronger, but it was okay.

Hey, good poem! I love Athena and Greek mythology. I just think that was so cool. I like! It sounded like a real person from that time era would say that.

GagaBowie wrote:I forgive you not, Athena.
For what you've done to me.
An unbearable decay of skin and blood, a walking Gorgan corpse.
Feared by all.
It was not my fault, my fault alone.
Of Poseidon's wretched doing in your holy temple and shrine,
he has poisoned the well of purity and light that I had drunk from by your feet.
He stole my innocence and devoured all what I was.
My goddess, an incurable act - you have banished me to an unthinkable layer of fire
and stone.
Serpent hair and bronze knuckles.
Golden wings and eyes who turn very men to stand still in time, in time frozen forever.
Cement soldiers who's armour served them no use.
Athena, should you never forget me.
The vicious monster that I am, for an act I committed not alone and not for lust or pleasure.
Now, I will fall back asleep and wait...
Wait, for the next hero I will only have to slay with one look.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPop P.S This subject kind of interests me. You'll have to lend me your book on myths and legends.xoxo


I like the whole myths and legends theme you got going here, and you used some great language but I found this a bit confusing. I feel like because there will be readers who may not know allot on this subject you need to make it appeal to them. It's a bit like alienating the audience/readers/fans you may have gained when they read poems like "the death of love" and the other poems you wrote. I may be wrong but all in all it was a good poem, oh and make sure you keep control of structure!!