Elegy for a nobody.

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Andre, Andre always smiles.
He covers something with those smiles.
He laughs, he jokes, he exaggerates,
makes us all laugh at his awkward state.

We think he knows what it is he means
when he whispers about his dreams,
even with his eye's deep hollows
his dose of society he just swallows.

What is it, Andre, that makes you grin?
Is it some joke you don't let us in?
Or perhaps is it something missing
a friend, a foe, someone listening?

Looking down when not asleep,
always dazed whenever you meet,
a willing being with much to share,
your stumbling self makes you not dare.

The day shut out, himself locked away,
he wonders what the kids will say,
when he misses school tomorrow,
a bullet healing all his sorrow.

His death, so quiet, shook us all the same.
I wonder at his mental state;
so calm, so rigid, so nonchalant
His joyless levity the most frightening taunt.

Sleep now Andre, I cant say I'll miss you,
your pointless dialogue was to me an issue.
Now that your gone its been quiet for a while,
I'm still hoping that in death you will smile.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.




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i LOVED it. Gosh, that was so good. I wish I could write like that. Bravo! Great poem.
When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time.




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I liked the style of this, but some things didn't really make sense.

Andre, Andre always smiles.
He covers something with those smiles.


This section doesn't really flow together.
It's more or less kind of stunted.

What is it, Andre, that makes you grin?
Is it some joke you don't let us in?


The second line in this needs a bit more.
Kind of seems forced in a way.

The day shut out, himself locked away,
he wonders what the kids will say,
when he misses school tomorrow,
a bullet healing all his sorrow.


This whole stanza needs to be looked over.
"The day shut out," doesn't make much sense, because how can a day shut itself out?

I love the idea of this poem, and you are a fabulous writer.
Just a few parts need to be looked over, but other than that, it was pretty amazing.
Keep up the awesome job.

-Rachel




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Points 4867
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Nice. :]
Sad, but nice.
Keep it up!!


-BG-
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




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Gender Male
Points 10691
Reviews 111
Great piece you have written!
Though I only remotely get what message you have share it still can be praised for being well written and presented!
Again I say great work and keep writing man!
-Dawn
C.Mejia



I hope that when I am gone, someone still reaches for me like I reach for them
— Leya