The Nymph

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C
Last edited by Davidmartin on Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:30 am, edited 3 times in total.
I saw pale kings, and princes too,
Pale warriors, death pale were they all;
They cry'd - 'La belle Dame sans merci
Hath thee in thrall!'
-John Keats




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Hi David!

I just want to say that I really, really liked this. It seemed like a genuine medieval poem. It was beautiful, and the soft imagery and your use of "thee," "thine" and "thus" just added to the beauty of the poem.

However, there was one inconsistency.

Yea, it was thy beauty that made me thus


The 'Yea' just kind of seems out of place, like it should be there. Also, I don't think they said, 'Yea' back then, if you're aiming for a true medieval poem, maybe 'Yes' would better?

Otherwise, it was nice. PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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Thanks again for your comment, but again I fear you seem to have misunderstood me. Here I used 'Yea' as more of resolution of sorts, 'yes' in this context seems too commonplace. I do have a certain love for the Keatsian style of verse (this was actually meant to be in three stanzas, the first with 15 lines and the other two with 14 lines each like sonnets) but I don't think I'll go as far as the middle ages!! Though I'm glad you like it and thanks for your thoughts.
I saw pale kings, and princes too,
Pale warriors, death pale were they all;
They cry'd - 'La belle Dame sans merci
Hath thee in thrall!'
-John Keats




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Gender Female
Points 44360
Reviews 1087
Hey there David :)

I have to say, I really enjoyed reading your poem. I love your use of imaginary, it was really effective. Well done for that. :wink:

Although, I agree with what Elinor has said. "Yea" just doesn't seem to suit the rest of the poem. The rest of it seems a lot more formal compare to that line. I have to say though, it doesn't bother me to much, so it's all right. :lol:

But drowsed with dreams of not many an elf,
I’d so foggy seen my dream to life grown!

These were my favourite lines. In my opinion, they were very effective. I like how the words drowsed and dreams flow into each other really well.

Overall, I think that this was very, very good!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Thanks for your comment, Skins, I'll keep it in mind and maybe next time I'll put in a little more flow :D
I saw pale kings, and princes too,
Pale warriors, death pale were they all;
They cry'd - 'La belle Dame sans merci
Hath thee in thrall!'
-John Keats




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8230
Reviews 102
where is the poem???!! I really want to read it!!!
"You may not be educated well in the areas of etiquette and the like as a princess, but you do throw some bashing good parties!"
Not all princesses are pink sparkles.
Exhibit A



It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien