Flame Wars

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(For Rosey Unicorn's contest, I wrote a quick poem about fire.)

I coax to life
a flicker of strife.
In the endless depths
a battle is set.
Brave soldiers await
the resolve of their fate.
The swords drawn ready
glow red and deadly.

A cry is heard
of two small words.
"To victory!" they all say
as they leap into the fray.
Weapons clash
and heroes crash.
Crimson stains
the sun-browned plains.

The melee will soon cease
when every warrior is deceased.
Until that time I enjoy the heat
as anger and strong loathing meet.
I see the hate
distort each face.
But I cannot aid
those in pain.
For their bloodlust is the pyre
for my tiny little fire.
Last edited by chipsandguacamollie on Sun Mar 01, 2009 11:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

-Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring, J. R. R. Tolkien




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Wow...that's like...wow...I'm speechless! How do you do it?! Amazing! X)

A few things though:

Rhyming/Rhythm: It was a bit off in places, which kinda threw me off, such as in lines 11 & 12:
"To victory!" they all say
as they leap into the fray.

As apposed to lines 3 & 4:
In the endless depths
a battle is set.

It kinda makes it confusing! ^^,

Grammar/Spelling: Overall, I couldn't find any spelling mistakes (they tend to jump out at me, ya' know?). As for the grammar mistakes... nope, can't find any of those either! What a great day, yay! You'll go far my friend. *pats you on the back* *pats a little too hard and makes you cough* *doesn't seem to notice at all* (Hey, maybe I should write scripts! *grins smugly* Hehe!)

Imagery: Very dramatic! Fantastic! Terrific! Fabulocious! Ima-mega-listic! Wow! ^^ (Am I praising you too much? Don't take me too seriously. I am easily amazed and ridiculously gullible [especially about panda bears] which makes me unreliable and untrustworthy in such matters as reviews.) =)

Overall: Like I said...wow...just wow. O.O (the big "O"! Hehe, that was pretty random!)

Add-ons: If I've said it once, I've said it twice and will continue to say it a thousand times more - *takes deep breath - "THAT WAS JUST TOO AWESOME!!!!!" =)

And so that settles it. Toodle-oo!

- Claeren
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<== Hurry and click, before they all die!




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Wow. I just felt my self esteem explode. Hehe. I'm not very good to be around when I'm over confident. You have created a monster. But thank you!!
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

-Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring, J. R. R. Tolkien




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Hiya chipsandguacamollie!

Since I am now finished the judging for Elements of Nature, it's time to pull up all my entries to critique them! ^_^

I was judging on three items. How you portrayed the element, originality and structure.

Element: This took me a long time to identify as fire. In fact, I hadn't quite realized this was fire until I read the description. I understand that fire is a very war-like element, but I would have liked to see that metaphor tied more into the element itself. ;)

Originality: Fire is a common element, I'll admit to that. Had you made the metaphor a bit more complete, it would have been nice and original. Even as it is, this poem is original. Just, not very fire-oriented.

Structure: You have a very nice flow and rhyme scheme here. Nothing really to comment on that. ^_^

You have a very interesting way of viewing war, and imagery. I'd use that, only expand the metaphors a bit more. :)

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Hello. Actually, I'm new at this so I'm not exactly the best reviewer but from what I read it was very, very good. I really enjoyed it.



I only know that learning to believe in the power of my own words has been the most freeing experience of my life. It has brought me the most light. And isn't that what a poem is? A lantern glowing in the dark.
— Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X