z

Young Writers Society


turning the tables



User avatar
85 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 85
Wed Jun 08, 2005 10:31 pm
Chanson says...



#yeah........i just needed to write something.....and this something won't get out of my head....#

i ache for you
the way dry mouths
ache for water after one of those
boring summer days lying on yellow grass
making shapes out of the clouds
that lazily display themselves
on a bright blue canvas.

when i see you laugh-
smooth lips parted to reveal sharp white teeth-
my tongue starts to click
it tries desperately to break free
and run its tip
across the crooked ridges
and taste the lemon lollipop
that slides in and out and in
and out and in and out
of your slippery pink mouth.

and isn't funny
that you spent a year
quietly dying to do the same to me
watching my lips form words
across dark, stuffy rooms,
trying to find me through a mass of pretty girls,
only to stumble across my body
twisted around a dark haired boy.

and now here i am
lips painted red, skirt too short,
hair professionally tousled,
snaking my hand around your neck,
parting my lips,
parting my legs,
closing my eyes.

revenge must taste like lemon lollipops
and metal against your heavy tongue
rolling it around, letting everyone see.
i feel my hands go cold.

and then i'm stumbling through a dark room
with too many people and the stench of beer
clawing at my nostrils
and i stumble through an open door
and i see your body entwined around a dark haired girl.

here is your medal.
have my crown.
you did it, honey.
you turned those tables.
you turned my world upside down.
"And Matt Muir. Matt Muir, he's the sweetest guy. Have you ever looked into his eyes? It's like the first time I heard the Beatles" Superbad
  





Random avatar


Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 11
Tue Jun 14, 2005 4:53 pm
jossymaiye says...



heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
take it real cool cos you are really
killing me with this great stuff.
am surely impressed,as a matter of fact i thought u were
speaking to me.
keep it up!!!
i know you are dry
but that does`nt mean you should cry
get up and fly
fly reallly high
up to the deep blue sky
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 78
Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:59 pm
Soyala Amaya says...



Interesting idea, but I think you made it a little bit too long. Maybe take out a stanza or two and it would be a lot better. But the imagery is amazing, getting me all hot inside girl. And been there, trust me. I've felt that way too often. Still, might want to shorten it a bit. Just a thought!
I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on E-bay.
  








Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
— Chuck Palahniuk