Young Writers Society

Hm. I got it and I liked up until this part! Agh!

"Don’t wave those white flag just yet
don’t let it get so out of hand

that I can’t toss you a rope when you’re floating away."

Shouldn't it be those white FLAGS or THAT white flag?

And the last line..er...I didn't get it...maybe it would it be better if you bunched it all up and made it one big word?

I get it.

It's really good. I like the imagery. Very cute.

I like it all except for the first line

"Hey, Ballerina"

it sounds too much like those cheesy fifties movies where the girls are like, "hey, girlfriend!"

other than that, it's pretty

Hey ballerina,
won’t you come and sing me a song
to-night?

ballerina.. isn't that dancing and not sing? Anyway music...I know

I could waltz across your heart and
imprint your skin with my poetry,
we could make sidewalk memories
and romantic beach-scene kisses
if you’ll let me.

The last: if you'll let me.. I thought you did.
Good dramatic, I just wished there was more passion..

Don’t wave those white flags just yet
don’t let it get so out of hand

those white flags makes me think of a white dress.. O.o

what's the title about.. SOS?
It's nice.. *passion and dance*
Xia

Misty Lynn wrote:I like it all except for the first line

"Hey, Ballerina"

it sounds too much like those cheesy fifties movies where the girls are like, "hey, girlfriend!"

other than that, it's pretty

Nowadays the people say HEY GIRLFRIEND and it's very irritating. Yes it's very pretty Brad... I never knew you had it in you to make such a lovely poem end the way it did. I think I got it. What was up with the Hey Ballerina crack anywho?

:snicker:

Well, the ballerina thing is...a joke, inside one, of course. And the title, SOS (Ship Out at Sea) is supposed to make some kind of vage reference to a "Help, I'm lost and need help" kind of thing. :shrug: