Different

To be truthfully honest
What people say
Does not matter anyway

What you do
Can only be judged by you
And that is very true

Its OK to be different
Look inside your mind
Lets see what you will find

Somebody who is nice and bright
Somebody that knows when to stop
Somebody who has hair like a mop

Who cares if your different
It doesn't matter to me
It does not matter to the sea
It does not matter to a flea
It does not matter to some key's
It does no matter to me
It only matters to what you see!

Hello, Banana:

First of all, one of the rules we have around here is a request that you do not post your titles in all caps--it comes across as yelling, and yelling is generally obnoxious and impolite.

Second, we have a posting policy here on YWS that requests that you please review two pieces of work before you post one of your own. Seeing as you have three pieces posted and only four reviews, please follow this rule and catch up on your reviews for next time. You might even consider going to extra distance and making some reviews so you have a few in the bank next tiem you would like to post a poem. ^_^

On to the piece. I liked the idea behind your poem, but your execution was a little dodgy. The rhyming is off in places, and flow is sometimes jerked around a bit, and you've some punctuation errors to resolve. But overall, it was a good read, and the message is nice. Work on it.

--Dono

Hey again, I guess I am reviewing another poem of yours So first things first, please don't put the title in all caps, it's very distracting and also against the rules.

banana_baby_16 wrote:To be truthfully honest I don't know why this bothers me so much, but being "truthful" and "honest" are the same thing, I would change "truthfully to something with a little more punch
What people say
Does not matter anywayUsing rhyme in poetry can either make or break the poem, I don't see it really helping you get your point across here.

What you do
Can only be judged by you
And that is very trueAgain the constant rhyming isn't helping the poem, all it seems to be doing here is giving it rhythem, but not in the best way.

Its OK to be different
Look inside your mind
Lets see what you will find "lets" should be "let's"

Somebody who is nice and bright
Somebody that knows when to stop
Somebody who has hair like a mop There is rhythem change here that doesn't flow with the rest of the poem, all of the sudden you are starting every line with "Somebody". I'm not really sure it works

Who cares if your different
It doesn't matter to me
It does not matter to the sea
It does not matter to a flea
It does not matter to some key's
It does no matter to me
It only matters to what you see!The rhyming here at the end is so forced it is making my head hurt, I am very sorry to say.

So the good thing here is your point was very clear. The bad thing is that a lot of the lines come out very forced and it doesn't flow very well. You don't want people to read a poem and only remember the rhyming. That's never a good thing.

Try reworking it, there could be something here, but right now it just isn't working for me.

Best of luck

OverEasy

Like Hunter said, caps in the titles are annoying and painful to one's eyes. I changed it for you to lower case. If you have an artistic reason for the capital letters in your title, then be my guest and change it back, but I find that most people are just putting caps for attention. If you would like reviews, review for other people.

It was nice, but the rythme thing well was a bit much. Can you change it> If not oh well.

I give it a 6/10 needs alittle work .If you do what the others suggested It should turn out great. ^_^


DON'T GIVE UP!!!!

Some of your ryhmes seem forced at times.
For example,
"Somebody who has hair like a mop,"

You could have done much with that line.
NEVER, EVER, let the ryhimg get in the way of expressing yourself.
Go crazy with your writing, love it and others will love it too.


Other than a few brush ups this piece was exceptionally good.

banana_baby_16 wrote:To be truthfully honest
What people say
Does not matter anyway

What you do
Can only be judged by you
And that is very true

Its OK to be different
Look inside your mind
Lets see what you will find

Somebody who is nice and bright
Somebody that knows when to stop
Somebody who has hair like a mop

Who cares if your different
It doesn't matter to me
It does not matter to the sea
It does not matter to a flea
It does not matter to some key's
It does no matter to me
It only matters to what you see!

Welcome to YWS, banana_baby_16. I'm Rick. To your poem. I liked this, but the rhyming and rythm is a little off key. Let me quote a few verses for you to help you fix this.

What people say
Does not matter anyway

What people say,
Doesn't matter anyway.

What you do
Can only be judged by you
And that is very true

What you do,
Can be judged by you.
And is very true.

etc. See where I'm going? It's a really good poem just needs some re adjustments. I hoped this helps. Keep up good work.

-Rick.

To be truthfully honest (4)
What people say (3)
Does not matter anyway (4... good)

What you do (3)
Can only be judged by you (6)
And that is very true (4...)

Its OK to be different (5
Look inside your mind (5)
Lets see what you will find (6)

Somebody who is nice and bright
Somebody that knows when to stop
Somebody who has hair like a mop (repetition of somebody plagues this, bad rhyming)

Who cares if your different
It doesn't matter to me
It does not matter to the sea (bad rhyming)
It does not matter to a flea (still bad...
It does not matter to some key's (this is really BAD)
It does no matter to me ('does not' instead of 'does no')
It only matters to what you see! (....bad rhyming again)

The beginning is like an entirely different poem and then it becomes really awkward, really repetitive, and really forced and outright terrible rhyming. Some key's what!? Doesn't matter a flea? Lame. To the sea? Lame unless you are doing ocean-song or something. Don't try to rhyme so much, it basically killed this.