Time

Time

Your time is not my time,
but my time is Yours.
What is eternity?
Is it a
hallowed-out turtle shell,
completely void of
straight edges?
Is it a (vibrant) rainbow,
colors entwining
into a pot of gold?
Is it a single heartbeat
that throbs through the Milky Way
to the very tips of the nebulas?
Or is it simply
Time itself?

Oh great you made me think....Now I'll have to look that up, maybe later. lol

I really liked your analogies and descriptions, and again I say, you made me think which isn't always a bad thing.

*Mostly on that first sentence, I cannot find an answer at all and it may be a bit confusing? **Your time is not my time, but my time is yours?

Eh, it may just be me.
Good job.

Keep at it!
~Rieda

... And I'm back for more. Looks like you won't have to come poke me after all? And then it's on to Misty's story and Till's, and I pray to God I haven't forgotten anyone. ^_~

Well, to be honest I liked this one better than Butterflies. Your style is so spare and yet deep, few words that become a affecting by how you manage to string them together. The first line was my favorite - Your time is not my time, but my time is Yours. The contrast is striking and extremely well-done. Also (and I just notice this on the reread) I like how you've capitalized 'yours' throughout, as if to put the recipient/subject of this piece on higher ground, so to speak, idolized or loved.


Here...

Is it a
hallowed-out turtle shell,
completely void of
straight edges?

[You might want to reconsider your spacing. As it is here, that first line of the part is too short compared to those that surround it. Perhaps "Is it a hollowed-out / turtle shell, completely / void of straight edges?"]


And here:

Is it a single heartbeat
that throbs through the Milky Way
to the very tips of the nebulas?
Or is it simply
Time itself?

[First of all, you haven't capitalized 'time' throughout, and I would start it here unless you were to go back and follow suite with the others. Secondly, the last line seems a bit off, as if it fell away at the end and you lost what you wanted to say. The concept is nice but the repetition of time doesn't work out, in my opinion - maybe something that represents time? A clock? The passage of the sun? Again, it's a small suggestion.]

Kudos for Wiggy. ^_~ I love your poetry.


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Edit and Tagged: (Critted for the CCF)

I wrote this while I was in adoration, and I just heard the line "Your time is not my time, but my time is Yours." The poem escalated from there. It's mostly a poem questioning what eternity really is-the reason "time" is capitalized at the end is because "Time" refers to God Himself, and His name is always capitalized.

Thanks for the crit! Kudos to you-I love your suggestions!

Wiggy wrote:I wrote this while I was in adoration, and I just heard the line "Your time is not my time, but my time is Yours." The poem escalated from there. It's mostly a poem questioning what eternity really is-the reason "time" is capitalized at the end is because "Time" refers to God Himself, and His name is always capitalized.

Thanks for the crit! Kudos to you-I love your suggestions!

... not as much as I love your poetry. ^_~

Yes, God is always capitalized - I see now why you did it. Same with Time, though I didn't catch the reference to it equating Him. But then that's the wonderful thing about good poetry: when you get your own impression out of it and it's the feeling that effects you the most.

They [Butterflies and Time] were fun to crit, I'm glad you let me know you had posted them. ^_^

I'm not a fan of this poem simply because it offers question but it does not sufficiently answer them. There is not definitive answer, there are muddled expression, and no overriding conclusion. What has this poem achieved, you must ask yourself. What is it saying? Because, right no,w I'm not really sure what it's telling me.

I don't like the first two lines because they seem superflous. I know you're talking about God, but it really isn't necessary to say this as obviously as you're doing, especially since you, in a way, already discuss God in the following lines with your talk of tips of the nebulas. Hehehe... speaking of tips, the thought that came up to mind was fingertips. ^_^

Anyway, nice poem.

This was good. And I agree...what is time? Good writing. Keep it up!!!

Gah, I can't help but love the poem, and agree with everyone else.

It had it's beauty to it, but to me I felt like it was lacking more behind it. It was well written, and perhaps only that? I think everyone else said what I might ^_~

I don't agree with the turtle shell image because I get stuck at thinking there are holes for the turtles' arms and legs, and this seems [to me] to defeat the point made about the straight edges.

I thought the rainbow idea was nice. And pretty. Pretty nice?

I wish you had expanded on the answers to the questions you gave.

note: I didn't understand that you were referencing God as Time until I read up a few posts, so maybe there's a way you can clear that up?

You know, I heard a song the other day - well, reheard; I've had the album forever, even if I haven't listened to it in a while - that reminded me utterly of this poem. I thought I'd come share the love. ^_^

Time Is Time
- Anderson/Howe/Squire/White

Time has saved as time has moved
Night has come at last to shine on you

Last night I looked inside the moon
And I knew you were real

So every time I look at you
You know exactly how I feel

Time has saved us time has moved
Night has come at last to shine on you

Take the time to know how you will fill my life
Revolving in my heart

Time has saved us, time has moved us
Night has come at last to shine on you again

I thought that the topic was great.
It really makes you think.
Your descriptions were very good too.
Very enjoyable