Young Writers Society

you're a masterpiece
if you can call it that anymore
after swarms of followers
crowd you from me
and all i can see
is painful camera flashes
but small snapshots of you
hidden in your art gallery dungeon
shielded from harm and decay.

some time i'll look back on this day
recall just your burning face
and crazy frizzy hair
but i'll forget all the fancy words you spoke
and just remember
sun-dried reds and fiery oranges
of a watercolour painting
almost inaudible but for your
subtle brush strokes
of hidden enchantment.

another day
i'll smuggle myself to your heart
in a grandiose heist
and the newspapers will scream
and your fans will weep
but your former glory
has disappeared
in a cloud of exhaust smoke
and you've been packaged
to some old warehouse.

I really like your piece... Though I do seem to say that about everything, I only reply to ones that are good, therefor I say that a lot.

"some time i'll look back on this day
recall just your burning face
and crazy frizzy hair
but i'll forget all the fancy words you spoke
and just remember
sun-dried reds and fiery oranges
of a watercolour painting
almost inaudible but for your
subtle brush strokes
of hidden enchantment. "

That is the best part of your whole poem. Especially the part where you relate to painting.

This poem wallowed in mediocricity. The first stanza makes you sound like some manic depressive who lusts after Hillary Duff or Avril Lavigne or something. The end of the second stanza was the best part of this poem.

you're a masterpiece
if you can call it that anymore
after swarms of followers
crowd you from me
and all i can see
is painful camera flashes
but small snapshots of you
hidden in your art gallery dungeon
shielded from harm and decay.

The beginning was just ok, but I liked your 'hidden in your art gallery dungeon' line. That was really neat. Very cool. I also liked the description with which you made the flashes seem to come alive. Very nice way to start it off

some time i'll look back on this day
recall just your burning face
and crazy frizzy hair
but i'll forget all the fancy words you spoke
and just remember
sun-dried reds and fiery oranges
of a watercolour painting
almost inaudible but for your
subtle brush strokes
of hidden enchantment.

This was really neat and I really enjoyed reading it. You used a lot of good descriptions. Very well done. 'subtle brush strokes of hidden enchantment'. That was cool

another day
i'll smuggle myself to your heart
in a grandiose heist
and the newspapers will scream
and your fans will weep
but your former glory
has disappeared
in a cloud of exhaust smoke
and you've been packaged
to some old warehouse.

That was interesting. It wasn't as descriptive and interesting as the other stanzas but it definitley wasn't bad. A pretty strong ending. Very nice job in general. I liked it

*nods at Brad*

You're so right. I only liked the second stanza. Well, mainly because I wrote that bit first.

Thanks everyone for comments and whatnot.