Young Writers Society

All right, driving along, not a happy sky, rahter blah day...and this song "How Do You Get So Lonely" pops onto my radio...so I'm sad, thinking about my Wolfey, and this is what comes of it. Just imagine all those periods are blank spances...stupid non-formating hw I want it comp...grrr...

Speed Chase

Sixty-five miles per hour,
Down a broken heart,
The moon dancing her legacy,
Across my sky deep soul.

.........................................Underneath the burning flesh,
.........................................Of my fetid memories,
.........................................She completes her erotica,
.........................................Just beyond my grasping fingertips.


The carrion wind roars,
Past my whispering ears.
Seventy miles per hour,
And only getting faster.

......................................... If only I could catch her,
.........................................Press her gravity to my heat,
.........................................I know the pain could morph,
.........................................Into rippling orgasmic energy.

Could I catch you by moonset,
If my wings weren’t lying on the ground?
75, 80, wheels are just to slow,
To out run the echoes of the dead.

.........................................It doesn’t matter how I twist,
.........................................Within her writhing undulations,
.........................................I can always hear her laughter,
.........................................Mocking my frozen tears.

Past a hundred miles now,
Rocking with my throbbing heart,
One last jerk of this corrugated wheel,
And the median will slow me down

.........................................Sometimes I have to wonder,
.........................................If she’s already caught me,
.........................................In her gleaming silver web,
.........................................Of three-fold midnight mystery.

I fling the wheel and ride,
Onto the blistered roadside,
To let my flame hot tallow tears,
Erase my pallid memories.

.........................................Sometimes I wonder,
.........................................Why I always hit the brakes.
.........................................My wheels can’t catch the moon,
.........................................And she never waits for me.

Ooh.. I like this. There's such energy in it. Desparation. I like it. A lot. Great job!

I liked, but to be perfectly honest, it seems a little strung out. Most of what you say is repeated and it just feels like you're going over the same ideas again and again. Obviously the increase of "speed" gives it a sort of time frame which continues, but it still seems rather...boring...after a while. Good writing, but I found the topic a little dull.

I liked the concept and all, but it was dragged out. That might have been a technique but it does seem like pointless rambling after a while. Very well-written rambling though.

I really loved it you're such a great writer you seem to catch me from the start till the end - I am short of time so I can't write much but I will tomorrow.
wu x

*blink blink* I guess that comment exspersses my life to a T...well written ramble. That's me all over. I really have to figure out when to end a poem...I just have more thoughts in my head...strange thoughts...

I think it could have been cut a little shorter, like they said, but I really liked it. Especially the last stanza.