Young Writers Society

My first posting! YAY! Every story has an introduction so i figure i need one too. here i go! Let 'er rip!

Intro


This is no curse
An unlikely gift
Unlimited words
To out match the old
Regenerate the young
And move mountains
At the same time

This struggle to perfect the
Raw talent
That so desperately
Demands for improvement
And quenches for attention
Hungers for acceptance


Flying free, flowing words
Like blood flowing though the body
The heart
The soul
Flowing

But always stumbles and
Scrapes its face
Against the hard dry
Finish line

Never number one
Always last place
Defeated

But that dim flicker that curious thread of light
Sparks possibility of greatness

This is me


In every aspect
I try to be a woman
worthy of the title
writer

I got rid of the other two posts of this poem

I like this; each stanza kind of stumbles over the next as if the speaker is trying to find out their identity. It then starts to smooth out near the end as the speaker begins to realize what he/she is. It's also very evocative of what it feels like to be a writer, to be able to create worlds and play God.

There were some parts I didn't like though. Lines such as "And move mountains" seemed cliche, and the last stanza kinda seems like it is just thrown in there; while it does clarify the meaning of the poem, I think it also draws away from it by explicitly defining the poem.

In the end, I like this poem!

This was great, the way the words flowed with each other the feelings you get as you read, however there was one little bit I didn't like...

Flying free, flowing words
Like blood flowing though the body ] the repatition of flowing here threw me - don't like it
The heart ]
The soul ]
Flowing ]these three lines I don't know I just didn't like them, eep sorry it felt as though it broke the poem...

wu xxx

wow, i really liked this poem, i dont think a theme like this has been done before. first post, and one i really like. nice uchoice of words and excellent vocabulary. really like dthe last line...

skeptik_225 wrote:This is me
In every aspect
I try to be a woman
worthy of the title
writer

fabulous closing, this kinda portrays a good thing about a writer, i guess this is the way you feel etc... love this. keep up the good job! xx

I thought this was a good first entry!

It starts off really well, captures the reader, but thae last few stanzas could be greatly improved:

Never number one
Always last place
Defeated <--------------------------------This line seems pretty redundant, as it only repeats what you've just sai. Also, it seems totally off flow.

But that dim flicker that curious thread of light <----------------------Too long. Split this into two lines after 'flicker'. And maybe attach this stanza to the one above.
Sparks possibility of greatness

This is me <-------Ack. Cliche type of ending to a poem. If I was you, I'd remove this line.

In every aspect
I try to be a woman
worthy of the title
writer <--------------------I agree with Nate, this seems to be a general summarise of the poem that is not needed, as the poem itself should be allowed to explain itself.


Overall, it was good though. Another promising poet to add to our collection !

Well, I'm just popping in to say hallo. Hallo. Very nice first for the first of you and such, though I do have two comments/ A couple of your images were a bit cliche, but who doesnt have that every once in a while? Also, I think you should take out "This is me" on. It just kind of comes out from behind some nice dancing allusions like a rogue lacross player who thinks you have the ball. (Have you ever seen lacross? They have big metal sticks, and if you have the ball, it's the other teams job to knock you down and beat the crap out of you till the ball falls out of the net on the end of your stick and they can steal it. If a game ends with only three bodies being dragged away, people call the teams wusses!) Just my insane comments.

thanx for your comments...they are most appreciated and thank you for deleting the million unnecessary forums i posted b4...i'm still very much new at this