I Picked It Up and Threw It Back

I Picked It Up and Threw It Back

You ripped my heart out that night
But I picked it up and threw it back

We talked through the evening
You made me think
I probed my mind further than ever before

You were even with another girl
But I just loved you even more

The light faded into night
And the distant music raged on
As I kept falling

We kept talking
Time kept moving
That night I fell for you with out knowing

Until you were gone
And I mourned
And If you were gone

Completely

And more time passed
And you were gone
Out of my reach, gone
Incomprehensibly, gone

But then again,
I was the one who picked it up and threw it back.



I know it's crappy. But it's something, and it has personal value. Just throwing it out there.

While I was reading this is kind of struck me as more of a set of lyrics than a poem.

For it to be a poem, it would need for abstractions; more imagery; more attention to details I think.

But, if you went back through and saw it as a set of lyrics, added a few lines, a little rhyme, a little repetition--it would be a great song!


Meg

yoha_ahoy--


I must agree with write_me that as a poem, this is very weak.

It would probably generate far more success as lyrics, and I urge you to move it towards that area.


Best,
Brad

Hmm... I see your point. I was never good at lyrics but I could see how this could definitely move in that direction. Thanks!

~Yoha