Blood and Ink

5 posts
User avatar
Phoenixfire
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 47
Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:19 am
Phoenixfire says... · Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:19 am
Blood and ink
Runs through my veins
Fueling my deepest fantasies
Driving my darkest dreams
I breathe parchment and pen
Words are my bread and wine
For all I am, and ever will be,
Is blood and ink
"....I hold with those who favor fire", Frost
Quote




User avatar
Wiggy
Gender Female
Points 1586
Reviews 402
Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:13 am
Wiggy says... · Tue Sep 19, 2006 4:13 am
I challenge you to add more feeling to this. It's a nice start, but it's cliche. Add a twist to it that will make people feel the power of your words, that will make people relate with you. I believe that you can do a lot of great things with this poem. I'd try expanding it a little too. It's almost like an outline for a great poem. Great job, and keep writing!

Wiggy ;)
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?
Quote




User avatar
gyrfalcon
Gender Female
Points 5890
Reviews 440
Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:02 am
gyrfalcon says... · Tue Sep 19, 2006 5:02 am
I agree with Wiggy, but I really do love the poem. It kinda reminds me of my Wordmaker, but more...poetic, deffinately. Very cool start!
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis
Quote




User avatar
Araidne
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 53
Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:50 pm
Araidne says... · Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:50 pm
I liked the subject of the poem, but your word choices didn;t exactly ryme. Keep the subject and tweek the words.
Out flew the web, and floated wide,
The mirror cracked from side to side.
'The curse has come upon me' cried
The Lady of Shalott
Quote




Random avatar
Elizabeth
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1160
Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:01 pm
Elizabeth says... · Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:01 pm
Not lengthy enough... I mean, honestly, it's not something you should change, but I've read a ton of poems and somehow the word "blood and ink" are getting cliche... but this was still an OK poem.
Quote

5 posts


here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings