Young Writers Society

One little note, the word drowned is meant to be read as it would have been in Shakespeare's day (drown-ed). It serves a rhythmic purpose, hence my mention of it.

i feel like Ophelia
torn Apart and consummed
by a Misunderstood
profoud
sadness
rejected for a Different Love
than My own
cut loose and Floating to another
universe
vast and Empty
still Smaller than the hole
in my Soul
with Nothing to be done
but Wait
for flowers or Fathers or brothers
or River
to fill it up again
i know what it is to Scream
that Primeval Scream
Empty lungs with silly Songs
meaningless and Passionate
just to pass the time
picking Flowers to bathe
in Tears pouring from near-Blue
eyes that aren't good enough for Him
i know what it is to Crave
Pain
simply to Ensure your own
Existence
aching for a Man who doesn't ache back
or maybe He does
but i'll never know
the more decieved in Tenders of Affection
than in their rejection
one word ringing in my ears
'Drowned'
i know exactly how
good
it would be to simply
drift Away
and Never Return

Galatea wrote:aching for a Man who doesn't ache back
***
i know exactly how
good
it would be to simply
drift Away
and Never Return

Loved the first quote, it really captures the feeling-"aching for a man" when you could have just easily have said "wanting a man", but the aching makes you need him and makes it worse when he doesn't need you too. The second quote just sounded really good to me. Not sure why some of your words were capitalised in the middle of sentences, was that to exaggerate them? I have faith that there is a significant reason for that.

Actually, the capitialized letters don't really serve a purpose. Or maybe they did, and my twisted mind simply forgot. They're only there 'cause it makes it look...I dunno...more profound than it actually is? Maybe? Who knows? Not me...

Thank you for the feed back, by the by.

It sounded so much like something from a book! Oh, Galatea I loved this! I have nothing else to say.

Nicely done, indeed. Flows nicely.

The feeling is so complex but at the same time rather simple. Depth of it cannot be reached by such an infadel such as me...

Very nice...