mmm. this seems far more grand and dramatic than your latest work. the beginning was full of many...creative ways to sum up over-big-ego-ness. i liked how you tied it in the "somewhere someone must know all this." and the ending was good.... it's just that - is this really your style? you know yourself better than i do, but this seemed to come from a different poet. no the less good, i'd say, but certainly shocking different shades of the same person.
All of the poetry I post up here is usually experimental. Si I'm reallyreallyreallyreally happy you thought it was a different writer. I've been trying for a long time to strengthen my meek voice as a poet, and this was the first piece I felt really did that for me.
Oh! This is soooo funny. I like the big obnoxious words and how you use them. And the birds shitting on you so they could touch your greatness... perfect!
The ending is really what makes it so good. It backtracks on itself and it makes you seem "meek." It sort of reminds me (forgive me of the reference!) Dr. Suess's work, "And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry Street." So kudos for you there.
And I liked it. I wouldn't have figured you wrote it either, if this were a blind piece. Nice job!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
I LOVE YOU. And this piece. Is it possible to marry a piece? Yes? No? Hmm.
Anyway, this is hilarious! Really made my day. I love the entire thing! Your ending was fabulous, because after the imaginary grandeur this narrator is going through, it all comes down to a lonely, tragically normal existance.
I think we all wish we could escape our voice, sometimes; mine feels so cold and impersonal, to me.
I liked it - maybe because I identify with the character, which isn't really a good thing, but there you are.
that were birds to shit
I understand what you mean, but you haven't said that they're shitting on you I know it's implied, but it struck me as incomplete when I went through it the first time.
There are points where I feel you're a bit lacking in punctuation; now, I'm a punc nazi (har har, I know) but I didn't like the way the stanzas rushed sometimes. It's all about the fantasy of being important and in control: my feeling for this poem was that it wants to be laid back, self-assured and ultimately confident; not the hallmarks of a man rushing. Slow it down, is my advice.
Still, I'm very jealous, and it's a pleasure to read such work. My hat = off.
love the ending. It was...starting to get old, and the bird-shit thing just made me go, "um............"...but, of course, that's just weirdness and I can of course forgive that, because I celebrate weirdness in all my endeavors. But it was starting to get old...too many words for one thought. And then you change it and change everything and I go, "yus!" and I'm happy now, the end.
This poem is very clever. But it would be cleverer still if since it is in the first person the "Ego" were not so aware of his narcissism, because that sort of undercuts it. If you could somehow rework it so that the viewpoint remained free from the notion that he was overly egotistical, then the joke would hit all the harder. For no one goes around saying, "I'm pompous, and I have a right to be." Or maybe they do.
You'd be astonished at the intimate stories, hidden struggles, and heartfelt dreams that people are willing to reveal if only they find someone who'll truly listen. — Arcticus
