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The Landlady Extension



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Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:23 pm
21WhiteRoses says...



The Landlady meticulously laid out her taxidermy utensils on a metal cart. Every inch of the cart was filled with things like scalpels, forceps, drills, hooks, pliers, stuffing rods, chisels, chemicals, salts and plasters. Billy laid motionless on a small bed under a linen sheet. She took a knife and began to delicately make an incision down his chest. As she did this she failed to notice his eyes move underneath his lids, or the blood that still faintly pulsed beneath his flesh and through his veins. She had always preformed taxidermy with an air of professionalism, but now she worked with such zealous that she was unaware of these details. She realized she'd made a mistake when as she cut deeper into his flesh, Billy's eyes slowly began open. His eyes widened as he became aware of the throbbing pain in his chest and the Landlady standing over him with knife in hand. He shrieked and struck the landlady's wrist, making her drop the blade. She gasped and remembered he had only had a few small drinks of the tea. Not enough to kill him quickly. His eyes raced from the cart to the landlady, and to the crimson blood that streamed down his chest. The old woman only stared back stunned.
“W-what are you trying to do to me?” He stuttered. He remembered the animals and talk of the other two men and realized what was happening. He pushed passed her to the door and began running down the stairs. I have to find someone sane or I will surely meet my end in this house! He thought as he raced down the steps. The landlady snapped back to reality and shouted after him out the door. “Oh, please dear wait!” Billy kept running. His vision was blurred and he began to feel dizzy. When he got to the second flight of stairs he staggered and tumbled down the entire length of stairs. When he got to the bottomed he laid motionless for a moment. Pain enveloped his body and he let out a anguished moan. He heard swift footsteps racing down the stairs and he jumped back up, ignoring the pain his whole body felt. Instinct to live drove him forward. He saw the door and ran to it but was dismayed to find it locked from both sides.
The footsteps continued and his desperate hunger to live told him to burst through the window and he did. Glass shattered all around him and cut into his skin. He landed in the snow covered street with a hard thud. It was dimly lit but in the light cast by the street lamps he could see the Bell and Dragon not too far down the street. Its windows were bright and welcoming and he ran toward it. But his footsteps were clumsy and he was engulfed by pain. The frigid air stung the many scraps and cuts on his body. He collapsed after only a few paces. A blanket of misery covered him. Curious heads popped out of doorways to catch a glimpse of what had disturbed the quiet night.. All they saw when they peeked out was a poor man who'd surely die within the hour. The landlady did not come out for fear of being caught, though it was inevitable that someone would come and investigate. People came to billy with warm sheets to protected him from the cold but it was in vain. He did not live long enough to see the kindness people tried to give him. When the townsfolk ventured into the boarding house they found it empty and quiet. The Landlady had made a stealth and mysterious escaped and was never seen again by a living soul.
Last edited by 21WhiteRoses on Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"But death and darkness in that instant closed the eyes of Argos, who had seen his master, Odysseus, after twenty years...."
  





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Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:53 pm
paintingtherain97 says...



I read the original of this and wondered about the ending, too. This is good. Keep it up! :)
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.
  





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Sat Oct 22, 2011 11:16 pm
AstridBartleby says...



Aside from one or two capitalization errors, this is great! I love The Landlady, it's one of my favourite short stories, and this ending is terrific! Keep up the great work!
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Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:56 pm
hermes92 says...



You have made a couple capitalization errors but aside from that it turned out to be a great work. I loved the ending. The tone of the story caught my attention and the imagery was good.
Everything that happens has a meaning behind it
  





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Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:49 pm
bryan says...



Hey this is some good stuff! i especially loved this part:

[“W-what are you trying to do to me?” He stuttered. He remembered the animals and talk of the other two men and realized what was happening. He pushed passed her to the door and began running down the stairs. I have to find someone sane or I will surely meet my end in this house! He thought as he raced down the steps. The landlady snapped back to reality and shouted after him out the door. “Oh, please dear wait!” Billy kept running. His vision was blurred and he began to feel dizzy. When he got to the second flight of stairs he staggered and tumbled down the entire length of stairs. When he got to the bottomed he laid motionless for a moment. Pain enveloped his body and he let out a anguished moan. He heard swift footsteps racing down the stairs and he jumped back up, ignoring the pain his whole body felt. Instinct to live drove him forward. He saw the door and ran to it but was dismayed to find it locked from both sides. ]

--really intense and full of suspence. keep it up i hope to read some more of your work but great job i loved it!
*Imperfection Perfects the Heart*
  





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Wed Oct 26, 2011 8:29 am
Lava says...



Hi there!

Quite an interesting story you got here. I haven't sen the original, so my comments are based purely on this.\

I noticed a couple of grammatical errors. Nothing major, but you should go over it once more. And of course, the best way to learn grammar is by practicing!
Your start was good, but the second sentence became a tad too verbose. Try to minimize the number of objects in the list. Use those that would give the most effect. But otherwise, effective hook and story telling in first para.

The Landlady had made a stealthily and mysteriously escaped and was never seen again by a living soul.
A li'l error.

Overall, it was good. Try to put in a bit more description on the emotion towards the end.

Cheers,
~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.

  





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Sun Dec 04, 2011 12:59 am
ladymarmalade says...



Our English teacher always giving us something interesting to do. :) I loved your interpretation on this and I'm still not completely satisfied with mine! Haha but it is what it is.
  








A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
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