Young Writers Society

Hello, everybody! Long time no post! I don't know who here has read Ray Bradbury's "A Sound of Thunder", but for my Humanities class we had to write an alternate ending to the short story. It had to be only one page long, so this is pretty much the shortest thing I've ever written.

At any rate, I'll give the summary of the story for those of you who haven't read it:

Spoiler! :

Basically, it's far into the future. Time travel has just been mastered, and there is a time-travel safari company that takes clients back to the prehistoric age to hunt dinosaurs. HOWEVER, they must remain on a path made of anti-gravity metal and NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING. By affecting the past even a hair - crushing a flower, moving a stone - they can completely alter the future because of evolution and causes/effects. They only hunt dinosaurs that are about to die anyways - an allosaurus half a minute before it drowns in a tar put, a tyrannosaurus rex right before it's crushed by a falling tree. The main character, Eckles, does this time-travel safari, but when he sees their quarry - a t-rex - he panics and steps off the path. In the last page of the short story, we learn that he stepped on a butterfly, and although civilization still is around, men are much more barbaric and aggressive.

Anyways, this is an alternate for that last part of the story, when we learn of the changes that have taken place. The other big kick to this is that I had to make myself the main character, instead of Eckles. Since my dad would freak out otherwise, I've replaced my name with 'Ranger', if that's alright with you guys. (I'd have just done a different name, but I'm hoping to try to retain at least some of the original effect.) The scene begins with young Ranger stepping out of the time machine, with Travis, the understandably furious safari guide, close at her heels. (Travis, by the way, threatens to kill Eckles in the middle of the story, so I'm sticking with that.) Woo! Long explanation - but now we begin...


The Sound of Thunder that Came too Late


“Get out,” snapped Travis. Ranger unquestioningly did as he asked, glad she was home. Now she could just leave and be done with this horrid business.

“Well?” demanded Travis, stepping out of the Machine. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” answered the man behind the desk. “No attacks while you were gone.”

“No what?” Travis stared, then whirled back towards a horrified-looking Ranger. He fingered his gun, lifting it, his index finger touching the–

Skreet! Skreet! Skreet!

Alarms roared and the room suddenly flashed red as Travis snapped his gun upright, pointing the barrel all over the area in search of the threat, and Ranger yelped, jumping at the sound. However, the man behind the desk simply stood up, gathered his wallet and keys, punched a code into a nearby door, and calmly entered the room.

Ranger stared; then she slowly lifted her foot to examine her boot. A tiny thing was stuck to the sole – a rodent of sorts, simple-looking and quite dead.

“Good God…” she breathed. Travis began to lift his gun again, and she waited for the worst; but then there was a startling sound – a scream from outside.

Travis dashed outside. Ranger, not sure what else she could do, followed him.

The streets were completely empty – there were no cars. They were more like huge sidewalks – sidewalks that, as of now, were unoccupied. Travis searched in both directions for the source of the cry, his gun swiveling, moving in unison with his gaze.

“Travis,” Ranger whimpered. “Shouldn’t we get inside?...”

But she stopped. She felt a certain presence in the air, a sort of undercurrent of an evil scent riding the faintest of winds. Something wasn’t right with the air, the streets, the silence. Her whole body tensed; her mind slowed; her heart quickened.

The silence was broken all at once. Around the corner, at the nearby end of the street, something roared. Ranger froze; Travis whirled at once to the sound.

The beast leaped out of nowhere, yowling, massive claws extended like ten round daggers. Travis cried out in surprise, whirling to follow its movement as it barreled straight past him. Ranger tried to back away, to turn, to run, something, but her legs wouldn’t move, and even if they could, there was nothing she could do anymore. Travis pulled the trigger, barrel aimed straight for the beast’s head.

There was a sound of thunder.

But it was too late for Ranger to hear it.

Wow this really spiked my curiosity. I liked how your title came in your story and it fit in with the novel. Most authors, upon introducing their story's title in the context of the story introduce it horribly. I had a tough time with mine a little bit, but you managed to get it in there and have the reader get it. You make the reader get why you called it "The Sound of Thunder that Came too Late". Can't wait to read any further works by you. Keep writing.

That was pretty epic... There's not much that I can say to help improve this, because it is already great, but I'll tell what I liked about it and what I think you did right.

My favorite part was this,

Ranger tried to back away, to turn, to run, something, but her legs wouldn’t move, and even if they could, there was nothing she could do anymore. Travis pulled the trigger, barrel aimed straight for the beast’s head.

There was a sound of thunder.

But it was too late for Ranger to hear it.

That was amazing. I could see the that whole scene perfectly. A brilliant way to end a piece. In fact a lot of this was amazing. I think this may be one of your best posted works.

I can't find anything you could ever want to change. If that teacher doesn't give you an A she's insane. It's great that I understood what was going on even though I had never read that book. Now I want to read it... Though I have a good idea of how it ends now.

And I loved this part too,

But she stopped. She felt a certain presence in the air, a sort of undercurrent of an evil scent riding the faintest of winds. Something wasn’t right with the air, the streets, the silence. Her whole body tensed; her mind slowed; her heart quickened.

Beautiful. You were always very good at describing things... You always know just the right word.

Anyway, I'll try to be useful now. Umm... Some of it I read, and I didn't get it the first time and had to read again. But that may be because I just woke up an hour or two ago. It takes me a long time to wake up. Like sometimes I wouldn't get the interactions between Travis and Ranger, which upon another read through, was amazing. You showed me what they thought about each other and felt without even really telling the reader. You showed it through their expressions and actions. So what I'm saying is, you have to pay attention, which really isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, keep writing! And if all your morbid writings are this good, you should post more of them! I admit, it is a bit disturbing that your favorite part of writing this was killing yourself, but that was probably the best part of the story (no offense intended, but the ending was amazing), so it is understandable. Great job!