I will probably add more later, if I get the chance. This isn't my best work, but I am still working on it. ========================================================================================
I still have nightmares at night, and I still feel as empty as usual. In those dreams, I drift back to the capital where I watched thousands of innocent people die, hundreds of defensless children being hit by bombs, and I wonder to myself, 'Did I really destroy those people? Is it my fault?" I can't get those crying children out of my head, it's been engraved like an epitaph that say "R.I.P." What if I was in that position, what if I were one of those kids? Would I have been blown into a million pieces, or spared? I know I deserve to die, even if people tell me otherwise. They say I helped the mockingjay, and I saved Panem from the capital. But, how can I live with that when I killed so many people? I suffer through the flashbacks and nightmares everyday, not knowing how long I can go on like this.
I walked in the main street of Distract 2, my feet cold, my black hair held back by gel, and my face frost-bitten. It was winter, and it was as same as ever. Same people walking slowly in front of me, same shops I didn't buy anything from, same towering buildings, the only thing that seems to change is the styles. People with horns on their heads walk in front of me, and I wonder, "What happened to the cats?"Everything I see reminds me of the Games, when Katniss volunteered, honestly the last time I thought I'd see her. It has been two years since The Games were destroyed, along with President Snow; it has been two years since I had hunted in actual woods; it has been two years since I saw my former friend.
It's been so long, but she accused me of blowing up her sister, Primrose. How could she ever think I would do such a thing...but how am I sure I didn't? It was my bomb, but I didn't exactly know where it would be dropped. I would never hurt Prim, not purposely at least. The last time I saw her, going practically mad about her sister, I couldn't talk to her. She didn't want to speak to me, not even glance in my direction. She probably wouldn't even dare spit on my shoes, feeling even that was too good for me. Who could blame her? It doesn't matter now, I have started my new life in District 2 and I have told myself I would not look back.
When I finally woke up from my day dream, I found myself at the door of my apartment, turning my key in the lock. Walking in, my apartment was cold and lonely with no sounds. Usually, there never was...I didn't talk; there was no one to talk to. If I turned on the TV, 4 out of 5 times, it was something about announcements or Katniss. I didn't want to hear about either. I dropped my keys on the small table, and walked to the mirror. What looked back at me...it was a stranger. I am only 20, but why do I look so much older? I quickly walked to the bathroom, removing the junk from my hair, causing it to flop back in front of my eyes and frame my face. I looked a little bit like my old self, but something else was missing as well. After studying my face, I turned my head in all directions to try and spot some flaw. I know now, it is my eyes. Before, I knew there was a certain sparkle in them, but it was missing now and I haven't a clue on how to find it.
Instead of picking my brain on it, I rubbed them instead and headed back out to the living room. It was nice apartment, well-furnished and large. But, what use was living the good life with no one to share it with. I moved to the telephone, a device I also don't use too much. What was I doing? I don't even know now....all I know is that I needed to hear her voice, say how sorry I was. I dialed her number, one I haven't in a while and waited for her to answer the phone. Instead of hearing her voice, someone else's greeted me. "Hello Peeta," I said, surprise littered all over in my voice.
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