Young Writers Society

I typed this with my friends as a joke! Comment please.

Harry Potter was in the forbidden forest looking for his beloved, Hermonie. He heard someone walking behind him.
Crack, some leaves crunched under his feet. He turned around and felt a surge of pain run down his scar.
A black shadow flew up to him and the pain got stronger.

"Hello Potter," Lord Voldemort said.

"Go away!" Harry Yelled.

The pain was intense, like getting stabbed five times in the heart. The wind rustled through the trees.

Voldemort was holding something. Harry looked closer at it.
It was a cookie.
Harry's stomach growled.
He hadn't eaten for hours, he was looking for Hermonie.

"Now, Voldemort, why do you have a cookie?" he asked calmly even though the pain surged through his whole entir body.

"To eat," he whispered.

"Give me it." Harry demanded.

"No," Voldie hissed.

Harry pulled out his wand as Voldie did. They fought for the cookie with many spells.

"Expeliarmus!" Voldie yelled.

"Stupify!" Harry yelled.

This went on for several hours...
In three hours Harry ate the cookie and had Hermonie at his side. During the wand fight Hermonie came to Harry, the sparks from the wands helped her get to them.

"You're my hero!" Hermonie said.

He! That's funniez!

Nike wrote:I typed this with my friends as a joke! Comment please.

Harry Potter was in the forbiden forest looking for his belowedBelowed? Do you mean bethrothed?, Hermonie. He heard someone walking behind him.

Crack, some leaves crunched under his feet. He turned around and felt a surge of pain run down his scar.
A black shadow flew up to him and the pain got stronger.

"Hello Potter," Lord Voldemort said.

"Go Aaway!" Harry Yelled.

The pain was intenceIntense?, like getting stabbed five times in the heart. The wind rustled through the trees.

Voldemort was holding something. Harry looked closer at it.
It was a cookie.
Harry's stomach growled.
He hasn't eaten for hours, he was looking for Hermonie.

"Now, Voldemort, why do you have a cookie?" he asked camley even though the pain surged through his whole entire body.

"To eat," he whispered.

enter button here"Give me it." Harry demanded.

"No," Voldie hissed.

Harry pulled out his wand as Voldie did. They fought for the cookie with many spells.
In 3 hours Harry ate the cookie and had Hermonie at his side.

"You're my hero!" Hermonie said.

That's a clever ending. All around a cute short story!

That is hilrous. (Sorry the spellcheck's not working) I thought it was really cute and funny. Though it would be nice to know how Hermonie showed up at the end, but other then that it was very funny.

Hey! Okay, pretty much love this. Firstly, It contains relation to harry potter and ties in a cookie. How much better can it get? Maybe if it had unicorns...just throwing out an idea Anyway, time for the review. MilkNCookies, got a lot, but I noticed a few other things also.

forbiden forest

forbiden should actually be forbidden, two b's.

"Hello Potter,"

There should be a comma after Hello.

The pain was intence, like getting stabbed five times in the heart. The wind rustled through the trees.

The part in bold seemed a bit random, first it's about being in terrible pain, and then you mention the trees rustling? You might want to change that.

He hasn't eaten for hours

I believe "hasn't" should be hadn't

he was looking for Hermonie.

I think instead it should be, he had been

In 3 hours

In any story, unless the number is super long or is a year, be prepared to right out numbers. So, make 3, three.

Anyway, loved it! Hope you keep writing funny stuff like this!

Um... This was really funny but how in the world did Herminoe randomly show up? Elongate this part! What kind of spells? More examples. Seems a bit short and rushed. Is belowed supposed to be beloved? Why was he in pain? Make it a little longer and you've got a great story!!!!

Spell ideas: Mycookieuseverentence, Starvantion, and Gimmeacookie.
You can see what they mean by the names. Good luck!

LOl this is cute as can be but I agree with the others. As far as errors they have pointed them all out and well it would be just a bit less confusing if you could lengthen it add some detail and excitement. It wasn't bad don't get me wrong. It is an excellent story it just needs a little bit of work as far as detailing to really give the reader some excitement. It would make it funnier. All in all, Absolutely wonderful story. My advice: detail. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or comments.
Maith adh,
Celtic

hey Nike,

looking for his belowed, Hermonie.

I think you mean "beloved"

He hasn't eaten for hours,

because you were working in past tense before this should read, "He hadn't eaten in hours."

entir body.

spelling mistake! entire

In 3 hours Harry ate the cookie and had Hermonie at his side.

sould read, "Three hours later Harry munched on the cookie and had Hermioneby his side."

"You're my hero!" Hermonie said

you could say that she "exclaimed" also you keep spelling Hermione incorrectly. lol
other than that it's cute!
Regards
~Missy~

Very cute story and made my day. Really good apart from the spelling mistakes pointed out by BlondieMissyAngel. Keep writing because this is great!
~Crim

What a cute story! I just saw Harry Potter last night, so this was just what i needed!

Hiya! This was HILARIOUS! Now, grammar and spelling= red, word choice=purple, and my comments and suggestions=blue.

Nike wrote:I typed this with my friends as a joke! Comment please.

Harry Potter was in the forbidden forest looking for his beloved, Hermonie. He heard someone walking behind him.
CrackI would italicize this word, some leaves crunched under his feet. He turned around and felt a surge of pain run down his scar.
A black shadow flew up to him and the pain got stronger.

"Hello, Potter," Lord Voldemort said.

"Go away!" Harry yelled.

The pain was intense, like getting stabbed five times in the heart. The wind rustled through the trees.

Voldemort was holding something. Harry looked closer at it.
It was a cookie.
Harry's stomach growled.
He hadn't eaten for hours,make this either a semicolon or take out the comma and put in because he was looking for Hermonie.

"Now, Voldemort, why do you have a cookie?" he asked calmly even though the pain surged through his whole entire body.

"To eat," he whispered.

"Give me it!" Harry demanded.

"No," Voldie hissed.

Harry pulled out his wand as Voldie did. They fought for the cookie with many spells.

"Expeliarmus!" Voldie yelled.

"Stupify!" Harry yelled.

This went on for several hours...
In three hours Harry ate the cookie and had Hermonie at his side. During the wand fight Hermonie came to Harry, the sparks from the wands helped her get to them.

"You're my hero!" Hermonie said.

Most of the issues in this were grammatical and it was awesome! The only thing I thought was weird was that you used Hermoine instead of Ginny, but that's the beauty of fanfiction: you can do whatever the hell you want!

~Luxy

Haha omg. I think everything has been said but lol this was VERY funny and random. xD
I LOVE IT. Keep up the... amazingly short and funny stories.
Also, don't over do the short sentence tactic, it gets a bit annoying.

LOL that s was hilarious im a die hard harry potter fan and i thought i would be hurt by things making fun of them but i actually didnt mind no better i really like it PS could you please review the first chapter to my book the zenith

Harry Potter was in the forbidden forest looking for his beloved, Hermonie. He heard someone walking behind him.

Crack, some leaves crunched under his feet. He turned around and felt a surge of pain run down his scar.

A black shadow flew up to him and the pain got stronger.

"Hello Potter," Lord Voldemort said.

"Go away!" Harry Yyelled.

The pain was intense, like getting stabbed five times in the heart. ouch!! The wind rustled through the trees.

Voldemort was holding something. Harry looked closer at it.

It was a cookie. This is hilarious! Probably the best part of the story. I love it!!

Harry's stomach growled.

He hadn't eaten for hours, he was looking for Hermonie.

"Now, Voldemort, why do you have a cookie?" he asked calmly even though the pain surged through his whole entir SPELLING!! entire, please!! body.

"To eat," he whispered. I cracked up at this part. It's so dumb!!

"Give me it." Harry demanded.

"No," Voldie hissed.

Harry pulled out his wand as Voldie did. They fought for the cookie with many spells.

"Expeliarmous!" Voldie yelled.

"Stupify!" Harry yelled.

This went on for several hours...

In three hours God, Harrys a slow eater... or didi you mean 3 hours later?? Harry ate the cookie and had Hermonie at his side. During the wand fight Hermonie came to Harry, the sparks from the wands helped her get to them.

"You're my hero!" Hermonie said. exclaimed or screeched would fit better in there.

I love it!! Harry Potter rox all the way!! This was absolutly hilarious!!

~Tee

that was cute and funny aside from the speling and little grammer it sounds like something I woould write if I got bored

that was funny an cute