Young Writers Society

Hello YWS people! I just got finished playing the epic game; Halo Reach. I was looking through our fan-fiction, and noticed we didn't have a lot of Halo stories so, I decided to write one. I hope you enjoy it!


Planet Reach... This was the Spartan homeland, my homeland.  It was peaceful... Until the Covenant came...

 Thud! I looked next to me to see one of my Spartan teammates. His military tag was C67E4 A.K.A.; Bruce. He looked over at me and nodded his head, then grabbed a grenade from his belt and threw it over the trench we were in. We heard the explosion and was rewarded with a rain of plasma fire that barely missed us.

 I poked my head above the trench to see where the enemy was, and saw one of the elites fall ten yards away with a gaping hole through his chest. His allies (grunts) instantly started scrambling for cover, but it was no use. I brought my assault rifle up and fired several shots at the grunts' heads, killing them instantly.

"Good thing I had you covered." came a voice from behind us. Turning around, I saw the second in command of our squad. Her Military Tag was Z7KR32 A.K.A. Zoe.

 I nodded my thanks, motioned towards the rendezvous point and started jogging that way. Bruce and Zoe fell alongside me, making quick work of the distance. Right before we arrived, I noticed movement around the rendezvous. I nodded to Zoe who got on one knee, pulled out her sniper rifle, and fired several quick shots.

As she provided covering fire, Bruce and I flanked to the left and started up a cliff that overlooked the rendezvous point. When we got to the top, I threw a grenade down and started raining fire down upon the enemy. Bruce continued around to flank behind them, and pulled out his machine guns when he was in position.

I watched as all of the covenant soldiers fell, one by one from the onslaught. After the last one died, I slid down the side of the cliff and landed in the middle of the rendezvous. Zoe ran towards me shouting something, but I couldn't make it out.

I felt something plunge into my back and rip through my body. Looking down, I saw the tip of a covenant energy sword. A deep voice, almost guttural, whispered in my ear, "Your planet will fall with you demon." Then the elite pulled back his sword and let out a yell of triumph, only to silenced when Zoe shot him in the leg.

The Elite growled and disappeared, using a camouflage device to escape.  Zoe came running towards me and took off her helmet, throwing it to the ground. I saw that she had tears streaming down her face.

"It alright," she said, "you're going to be ok."

I laughed and said, "We both know that's a lie." She smiled at me as Bruce knelt beside me. He clasped me on the shoulder and nodded his head, then looked at Zoe and motioned towards the incoming Pelican. She looked at me and smiled a weakly before she pulled out her pistol.

"I'm sorry." she said, and pointed it at my heart. She fired, and the world started turning black.

The last I saw was my teammates getting on the pelican, and as they were lifting off, a covenant ship crashed into it, sending the world into a swirling inferno...

Jalmoc wrote:
"It alright," she said, "you're going to be ok."

grammar mistake that should be "It's alright,"

This is interesting. I don't really know anything about Halo, so I'll give you general impressions. To me this piece felt a little flat. Could you show us more of the main speaker's emotions, please. I wish you would describe a little more. What exactly did the fight look like. How did the Elite sneak up on him; he didn't really seem distracted. Otherwise this was good. Sorry I couldn't have been of much more help.

Hi, Jalmoc!

So, it's nice to see that there are other Halo fans on YWS! I haven't played the game in so long, but I love it, I really do. It was a cool experience to see all of the characters and the action you might find in a typical Halo game brought to life in a creative way like this. You have a nice flow, your grammar is excellent and the story doesn't bog down anywhere.

However, the problem I'm seeing with your story is that it's simply not interesting, and this can probably be attributed to the lack of imagery and description. At the moment, I'm not really getting a really clear sense of where these characters are, and as a result, don't really feel what they're going through. You say that they're in a trench, you say they're fighting the enemy, but you don't elaborate on their position or what it means to the characters. Are they winning, loosing? Have they been in the trench for hours? When the narrator sees that the elite has just sliced him with the sword, what is going through is mind since he knows that he is about to die?

Overall, this is good. I would like to see more expansion, though. I can picture a lot of this because I've played the games and know what they're like, but a lot of people have not, and to them, the story just seems blank and confusing. Hope this helps, and feel free to shoot me a PM if you have any questions.

~ Elinor

Overall I thinks its great and interesting but I still think that there can be some expanding done in some places for example could you expand on the speakers emotions? Other than that I think its fine, spelling and grammar are fine (as far as I can tell) and the plot is interesting.

It was pretty good. Not too good but interesting to read. As a Halo fan Im usually a strong critt on this but Ill just be easy on you I see you enjoy the games ands thats good inof
First of all express more emotions and what is goinga round you to give the readers a bit of more feeling where the characters are (Dont forget to describe the scenes more). As you know Reach was a epic and a massacre to the humans so describe the scenes a bit more better. Also Spartans dont usually shoot each other, unless if there is a pretty good reason for it. Just for next time you write a Halo story remmember this. Keep up the work!

I would have to say that this is a great example of a Halo story, but there is a context problem, and I believe it fits into the paradox catagory: spartans were not called "Demons" by the Covenant untill after Sierra 117 (John) destroyed the first Halo they discovered, and at that point, there were no longer any other Spartans, untill the storyline was revised by Bungie in Halo Wars. Even then, the three Spartans in the game would not return for about fifty years. I am also a budding author, and am in the process of writing a Halo novel.