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The First Hunger (X-Men Origin)



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Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:18 am
Silversun says...



I just watched X-Men Origins, So I got this idea! Tell me what you think please, please, please. I think it’d be an interesting short series.

The night sky burns me. Literally, because as I stare out of my grimy window, I see nothing but my own ragged reflection. The full moon casts my shadow across my tiny apartment and I can see my stunning reflection in a small, cracked mirror. Oh, how I hate my flawless looks. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried to alter them, but never once have I succeeded.

You see, I am a mutant. I’m a mutant of a mutant, for I’m two in one. When I was fifteen, I felt a change happen. It was like I was constantly on fire. My body was burning, and burning, but I couldn’t get out of my own skin. Slowly, I sank into shallow depression, for you see, I could never sink fully into it. My sister, my lovely ten year old sister, Rachel, she wouldn’t let me.

Her hair was a silky, moonless midnight, and her eyes were such a bright blue that I could not help but smile when I saw her. Her body changed so much those last few days, and it seemed the entire world decided to take its place on her tiny shoulders. She had these big features on her face, glowing eyes and a rupturing smile, and when anyone saw her, they stopped in awe. One day though, that all changed.

I still felt as if I was burning alive that day, but when I was around Rachel, I was better. I held her hand as a fever slowly took a hold of her body. I saw her body shrivel, as if it were imploding on itself. Then, the muscle tissue started growing. Her weak bones became ripped, like no ten-year olds’ should. My mother didn’t know what to think. My dad had died two years before, which was what she attributed my depression to, and slowly, she too faded into herself. She wasn’t even around Rachel those last few days.

The last day of Rachel’s life, the change took place. Something Mom said made her so angry that she roared. I can’t remember exactly what was said, but I knew it had to do with the fact Mom thought Rachel was faking it. The noise she made shattered the windows, sending them spinning into the outside in an almost comical pattern. I went to place my hand on her head, but instead, she shoved it off. The power behind that push threw me against the wall. Then, her tiny face turned down to her hands.

Protruding out from them were three long claws made of some sort of glimmering metal. It was exactly like something out of X-Men. Her tiny body flew through the air at me so quickly, one second she was on her bed, the next she was by me at the wall.

“I’m so sorry Ellie,” she crooned. My head was bleeding slightly, and my mother stood shaking in the doorway. Rachel wiped the blood away from my face, and I felt her skin. It was brutally hard, yet there was still a touch of humanity to it. The metal claws on her hands slowly retracted. She was like Wolverine, I realized. I placed my shaking hands on her body and wrapped her into a hug.

We sat there for a moment when I heard the scream. I will never forget the time. My head twitched to look at the clock; it was nine twenty three in the morning. Two men, dressed in black bullet-proof gear, hit my mother out of the way and knocked her unconscious. I shoved Rachel behind me, but her shaking body darted out of the way. In a second, the men lay dead in front of me, their throats slit from the vicious blades.

I leaned over and threw up my breakfast. My sister wasn’t a killer, yet that was what she had become. She saw the horrified look on my face and ran over to me as I lay crumpled once again.

“Ell,” she said, “I’ve felt this coming. When we watched that movie, two nights ago, I felt the change start. I turned to ice, then fire. I knew I was going to change.” As she spoke these words, I immediately blamed myself for what was happening. I made her watch that Wolverine movie with me, and that’s why I thought her change had occurred.

“Rachel,” I croaked. She murmured, it’s okay, it’s okay, but that’s not what I wanted her to say. Because, the fact of the matter was, about twenty men in black had surrounded our house and trained their guns on her. At once they fired. The bullets ripped through the doorways, walls, and windows and pierced everywhere around her body. I prayed that she would heal like Wolverine did. She did, but they kept shooting and shooting her. Who were these men? I wanted to scream. I watched as my sister’s body danced in midair as bullets pummeled into her frame.

“Ellie,” she screamed as the bullets turned her into Swiss cheese, “You have powers too!” I looked at my hands and realized that the fire I felt was concentrated there now. It wasn’t like I could do anything though, I was so thirsty, but for what I didn’t know. That’s when Rachel looked at me. The look that was contained in her big, innocent eyes, was that of an eighty year old. She knew what she was talking about when she spoke her final words.

“Take them from me,” she said, “And run.” I knew what she was saying. I wasn’t thirsty for water, or anything mortal. My body longed for powers. I rushed to her while the men stormed into the house. Shaking, I placed my hands on her broken body. It wasn’t healing fast enough, I could tell that. The skin was healing around the bullets, leaving painful lumps everywhere.

I placed my glowing hands over her eyes and spread out my long fingers. I could feel everything rush into me all at once. The power that she contained in her small body was unbelievable. The thirst that had been driving me insane for months was suddenly satisfied, just a little bit. I flexed my hands and the metal claws popped out.

Then, I realized what I had done. By taking her powers, I had stopped the healing process. My sister, my lovely baby sister, had been killed. It wasn’t my fault though, it was the monsters who had filled her with bullets. The monsters. My rage roared and nearly took away my entire thought process. Her vision must’ve changed with the fever, for I now possessed it. I could read the badge on the men in black. It read “SMCS”. Special Mutant Control Squad.

I vowed at that second, that I would kill each and every member of that squad, even if it took me all of eternity.

Suddenly, a cool air blows me back to the present. I stare at my similar dark hair and lovely eyes like that of my little sister. It has been two years since that incident. I did what my sister told me to do, I ran. The men couldn’t catch me, and the few that did, well, let’s just say they sacrificed their lives for whatever cause they believed in. I slide on my fishnets and then a tight skirt. My body is tall and muscular, exactly how every guy imagines it. Late at night, I try to cut myself with my claws, but whenever I wake up, all that’s left is bloody sheets, and my body is still intact.

I slip on the scandalous top that Lewis, aka Snake Eyes, told me to wear. He will be here soon to take me to all of the places in this damned town. I have to make money somehow, and with his powers of object manipulation, we can hustle anyone and everyone. We have to maintain low profiles though. Still, as much as I detest him, I don’t know what I’d do without him.

My doorbell rings and I check to make sure it’s Lewis. Sure enough, he’s there in his usual suit and tie. Yet something seems out of place, even for our usual act of a drunk couple just out for a night of fun. We pretend to be completely wasted and then win some sort of dice game, r sometimes Russian Roulette if we’re feeling risky about being discovered. His honey hair was in a mess though, and his eyes were wild looking, which was very uncommon for him.

“Sugar cakes,” he says, “We’ve got problems.” Immediately, I tense.

“What?” I growl.

“Two men, one who has turned into a shadow twice since I tried walking here, another who changed into a tabby cat, and a woman who shut the street lights off with a wave of her hand are going to reach us in three…two…one…” he says.
Have you ever smelled sunshine? Have you tasted the color orange? I know how you can... post880303.html#p880303

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Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:13 pm
Jenthura says...



Not having seen the movies myself, I don't know what to expect nor what to criticise on cliched information or plagarism, but I can comment on the writing. While the idea may have been unique from the original movie it's not the first time it's been done. Heroes has done the absorbing powers bit, and the part about th emovie turning her was...weird. But it serves to interest and entertain at the least.
You did good, though, on the part about her vowing vengeance on her sister's death. Eemotion could be expressed a little better on the part of her sister's death. Like, the physical aspect of the happening is good, but not th eemotional part. Adding emotions and thoughts to that one section would smooth it out and ease the transition back in the present.
The cliffhanger on the end was good too, can't wait to read the next chapter!
Keep Writing!
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Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:03 pm
*coco says...



Personally I think you did well with portraying the emotions of your character, you said just about enough for us to get a glimpse of her feelings. Your plot was a nice way to set the scene of your story as well as the background of your character.
HOWEVER
Being a really big X-Men fan, I read this and was slightly disappointed. As Jethura said, this isn’t the first time it’s been done. If I were to do a fanfic I would really go all out and use the original characters to create a completely different story. I’ve seen the movie and that’s another reason why I didn’t get your take on it. Maybe you should use a character that’s already there, interesting ones like Wolverine or Gambit (my personal favourite though the movie didn’t do his character justice AT ALL) and use their personalities to create something a little more interesting and unique.
I hope you continue though. I’m looking forward to reading the next chapter.
"Do you know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you. No matter what. You're a true Queen, a Queen any King would kill for." - Prince Francis ♕
  





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Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:48 pm
Silversun says...



I was trying to make it like this is the "Origin" of this new X-Men Character. I'll try adn think of a way to get an original character into it, like you suggested, because I think that's probably a really good idea.
And I know her power isn't exactly new, but I'm not sure if two people can have to same power, since is a mutant thing, is there a way two people can have the same mutation? I'm not really sure, but I'll try to think of something.
Have you ever smelled sunshine? Have you tasted the color orange? I know how you can... post880303.html#p880303

This is a gift. It comes with a price.
Who is lamb and who is the knife?
-Florence and the Machine
  








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