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Iridescent Illusion ~ Kingdom Hearts



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Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:31 am
Nutmeg says...



Note: My friend and I were RPGing a few days ago for about a half hour, and I thought perhaps I should post a scene to see how we're doing. ^-^ [M] stands for my writing and [S] is for hers.

I do hope you enjoy reading it and I apologize in advance if some parts are a tad difficult to understand, even if you have played the game. Thank you so much! =D

- - -

[M]: Beyond the other side of the castle, Number VI had returned to his station of keeping an eye on Namine; all thoughts of the earlier irksome incident had tarnished over a short period of time. A tranquil silence filled Namine's pure room and the young girl in the corner doodling within her notebook. Zexion sat in calmly on an ivory-colored chair, the utterly soothing peace comforting his distressed mind as he studied his lexicon.

[S]: Zexion stared at his lexicon in wonder. Whenever he was in this room, and he tried to read its words, the words would be different. The words he would read would be about everyone else's somebodies. They would be about Sora and Riku and Kairi when they used to live on the island. They would be about how Roxas and Namine were born. When he tried reading it in his own room, they would be the normal spells and such that were always in them. It was like this room had a power that was somehow changing Zexion's lexicon.

[S]: Zexion stared and stared at them. Today, they were telling how Braig and Dilan had gotten into a fight, which Ansem had had to stop before it turned into a fistfight. Zexion remembered that day and smiled to himself. His smile then turned into a frown. What was wrong with his lexicon? Why was it not showing him what it was supposed to? He didn't let any of these emotions show, of course. He looked at Namine and his anger immediately subsided. No, he couldn't get angry. If he let his emotions control him, then he was bound to make a mistake. He could not let that happen. If he kept reading, he would probably notice something and figure this out. Zexion calmly returned his gaze to his lexicon and kept reading.

[M]: The night's empty silence proceeded slowly and Namine wistfully sketched on the clean, pristine papers in her book. She flipped to the subsequent page and gazed attentively at it, certain of what to draw yet at the same time, she didn't know how to carry out her idea. The witch drifted into a reverie and mused deeply over her previous drawings, stealing a glance at the drawings on the wall of her friends - Sora, Donald, and Goofy. A blithe, yet grief-stricken smile graced her rosy lips and she reminiscenced over the fond memories she often thought of with such doting feelings.

[M]: Namine knew what she wanted to draw... she wanted to draw what she wanted the most. At once a divine expression was etched upon her face and she scrawled fervently about the white page before her. For what seemed like hours, the young girl boisterously sketched in her notebook... yet... what appeared on the paper was of no importance to her. The blonde grimaced slightly and inwardly looked downwards, before her ocean-blue eyes eventually wandered to her captor of the day.

[M]: His intentions were clearly that of his lexicon; however, Namine could feel his true focus elsewhere, distraught over another matter. Zexion's stern face was akin to its usual nature - serious, bored, emotionless, and apathetic. He suddenly seemed to frown dismally at words about the page he was currently reading and this caused her to perk up in puzzlement; the schemer never showed any traces of feelings in front of others. Namine completely set down her sketchbook and centralized her attention to Number VI, a delicate gist of concern tugging at her mind. "I-is something... wrong...?" she inquired timidly, trying hard not to shatter the serene silence in the air.

[S]: Zexion looked up. His sharp ears had barely caught what Namine had said. "Is it your business if something is wrong or not? No. So just go back to your silly, little drawings and be quiet." Zexion said in a cruel and cold voice.

[M]: The feeble girl tentatively shifted and fixed her gaze downwards, as if her fragile, ethereal hopes had been shattered in that single moment. Namine bashfully fiddled with her hands and felt the bottom of her lips quivering in both sorrow and dejection; she began to softly articulate words in a near whisper. "Oh... I-I'm sorry..." the witch apologized earnestly and felt the once hidden euphoria within her beginning to diminish, vanishing along with the hushed words she spoke.

[S]: Zexion looked back at his lexicon without saying anything. He continued reading in silence and Namine kept drawing in silence. The only sound that could be heard was Namine quietly sketching in her drawing book, in which Zexion ignored her. He looked up when he heard the sound of Namine dropping one of her pencils.

[M]: She retrieved her writing instrument without a word, opting to allow her secluded nature to control her actions as usual. The blonde sketched in her art book; the only noise in the room was the soft ringing of the wind briskly whisking past the Castle that Never Was. Namine scrutinized her picture meticulously to observe what her hands had drawn. A slender face with clear spheres sparkling with bliss stared back at her and she gawked at her very own creation. Who this figure was, she did not know; it seemed oddly familiar to her, but she could not quite distinguish its features.

[M]: Almost abruptly, her favorite colored-pencil - one in which was an enticing shade of baby blue - unexpectedly rolled off the surface it rested on and fell to the floor with a menacing click. The young witch winced tangibly due to her own reckless manner, hearing the night’s brittle lull distinctly breaking. She grew a bit flustered and leaned down as quietly as possible without causing her chair to creak.

[M]: A chill swept behind her and Namine sensed a presence engulfed by shadows… standing right behind her. Intimidation racked her small body at once and she seemed to cringe into her own seat out of pure fear, naïve eyes flying shut instantly. The bitter, cold atmosphere seemed to creep under her porcelain skin until it was no more; the sinister feeling had mysteriously subsided in a mere moment.

[M]: “Z-Zexion…?” she called the member’s name apprehensively, knowing well he had more than enough potential to reduce her of the nonexistent life she endeavored to grasp. The sound of her own voice made her even queasier than before, her stomach mercilessly churning. Her pains did not detract from her vigilance, however, and her paranoia rose with every minute.

[M]: Tick tock, tick tock. The old antique clock chimed, and at that moment Namine realized her time with him had ended - the Nobody was gone. A sigh emanated from her lips, whilst the witch resumed picking up her pencil. Sudden bewilderment immersed her being as she spotted its alluring blue properly poised about her desk, gleaming radiantly in the light of Kingdom Hearts.

- End –

I would love to hear any thoughts, comments, errors, or criticism anyone would like to share. Thank you for reading! C:

- Nutmeg =3
"I pray for the day when a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned." - A dear friend of mine ♥

- Nutmeg =3
  





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Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:21 am
irishfire says...



Oh my God! HI! I remember reading this! So here is what I say:

I want to start off saying that again I am completely in love with how you mix description with dialogue, I can never get enough of it.

M's Writing:

So specifically for you M, I love the innocence and life you put into Namine with her art! The person she drew, shocking her just proves true art. And I found it very beautiful the way you put it. That and the couple last paragraphs with the adjectives you use for how shes nervous and such, the long lines of description and feeling and movement and thought were in themselves thought provoking and incredibly creative! Another breath taking job Meganilo!

S' writing:

Even though M did write a lot in this part the paragraphs you wrote were still spectacular! I love how you focus on the characters thoughts and feelings, and putting description in those thoughts rather than to other things and even though description in things around the character is amazing as well this type of description is beautiful for the way you write and makes it breathtaking! Amazing job!

I didn't see any spelling errors or grammar and I loved it! It had emotion and thought and most of all it was from your hearts and you could really tell that you guys really love this game and feel these characters. Its great! Keep it up!

Keep up the incredible work guys! Love you!

-Irish
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

Teacher: What do we, in the U.S enjoy from places like Mexico?
Student: Wait, legally?

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Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:57 pm
captain.classy says...



Aww! I absolutely love kingdom hearts! i have to admit, that is what attracted me to this!
I didn't think it was confusing at all. Well done!
~Classy
  





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Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:08 am
Twilightzoner85 says...



Nutmeg..man....you are awesome...I will never ever ever ever ever ever...I do not know what I was gonna say but still, THIS IS SO AWESOME!! OK BYE <3 XD
Oo Ifire where is he I'll get him!! *runs around with a spatula*
  





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Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:11 am
Chirantha says...



Nutmeg, your story is amazing. There were two reasons for making me say this.

One was your use of words, characters and best of all innocence. A story is incomplete without breathing life to your characters. They'll just be 2D cardboard things without a face. But your writing style made me visualize everything you wrote. The fact that you showed each and every characteristic of the characters in a natural and creative way is the main thing that caught me in this story.

A blithe, yet grief-stricken smile graced her rosy lips and she reminiscenced over the fond memories she often thought of with such doting feelings.

As I said before, I'm astounded by your writing style. It's so perfect and you uses the most atrractive words, that adds both beauty into this story and makes perfect sense.

The blonde grimaced slightly and inwardly looked downwards, before her ocean-blue eyes eventually wandered to her captor of the day.

One of most common mistakes a writer does is to describe their character in a single monotonous line, not letting the reader ponder on each characteristic singularly. But you have written in a way that lets the readers visualize each and every characterstic of this little girl. Her innocence, her fear, her emotions, her timid etc.

The feeble girl tentatively shifted and fixed her gaze downwards, as if her fragile, ethereal hopes had been shattered in that single moment. Namine bashfully fiddled with her hands and felt the bottom of her lips quivering in both sorrow and dejection; she began to softly articulate words in a near whisper. "Oh... I-I'm sorry..." the witch apologized earnestly and felt the once hidden euphoria within her beginning to diminish, vanishing along with the hushed words she spoke.

This was the best part you have ever written in this story. It outlines this little girl's feelings, her personality, and her fears. I've never seen these things put in this way before. It seems so natural and creative.

I can't compliment you enough. This is one of best stories I have ever read.

You have an astonishing skill, be sure improve it more. Best of luck. :D

Chirantha.
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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Tue Dec 08, 2009 4:25 pm
Fruits_Basket99Tohru says...



Wow! I'll say that was really good! :D

certain of what to draw--yet at the same time,
I'd advise adding the hyphen in there. Without it, this part feels like a mini run-on sentence.

A blithe, yet grief-stricken smile
I don't like the comma there. I'm sorry, Nutmeg; but I don't. It just doesn't fit in there. It's an awkward pause.

Those are just about the only nitpicks I have! Anyway, this was so beautiful and descriptive. I've actually only read Kingdom of Hearts II Book 1, so I had no idea what part of the story this was taken from. Sorry about that! But anyway, great story--this story was a lot better than my first one! Eh-heh. Later. :) Now where were we in that Storybook...? :twisted: (Just kidding! :P ;))
"We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you."
--Fruits Basket Book 1, page 134

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