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Bella's 30th Birthday



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Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:56 am
hero says...



I think that this is something Stephanie Meyer's brain would collapse upon, because I think she has a big thing on marital relationships. On the other hand, they are her perfect creations. So it wouldn't be something like 'Er, well, its alright for them because its twu wuv!', or she'd collapse onto the floor, frothing at the mouth and wetting herself.
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

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Sun Oct 11, 2009 4:57 am
Shearwater says...



Okay at first I was thinking that she was waking up with Jacob
and they were married. But then [oh god] Mike Newton, of all people, was her husband.
I laughed so hard, I think I might of cried a little.
I really like this twist, it's quite interesting and entertaining.
I keep hoping something magical is going to happen and time will reverse and everything will be better again. But that's just me.
The "Jacob sends his love," thing was confusing a little.
Other than that this was pretty good!

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham
  





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Sun Oct 11, 2009 5:19 am
empressoftheuniverse says...



I think this was a solid story; but being a hater of twilight I also think your talents could be used on characters and worlds not copyrighted.
That said; it was an nicely paced story that made Bella sound at least sane, slightly. I think she would have relfected a little more on her age and her current lifestyle before leaving her family and her life to pursue Edward.
But I've never been that passionate about someone before; so I couldn't truly judge.
Anyways, good job and keep writing.
~Meagan
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
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Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:28 pm
TheNextBigThing says...



Not big on twilight (but i can't wait for the New Moon movie to come out [Jacob Fan]), but when I saw 'Bella's 30th Birthday', it seemed like something interesting to read. Very interesting twist, though it's kinda hard to imagine Mike and Bella together XD. One thing I recommend is to start using "quotations" instead of 'apostrophes' when someone is talking.

Overall, good job. Keep up the good work :smt023
Here comes the Sun
And I say,
It's alright~~~
  





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Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:02 am
nee96 says...



That was really good. Please write more!
  





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Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:46 am
silvertears says...



Ohmygosh. Not going to be harsh here as it is a very creative well written story.
BUT...
Ohmygosh! As a Twi-hard, this scenario is going to give me nightmares for weeks.
Great writing though. Sorry if I sounded harsh.
  





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Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:42 am
TheReader22 says...



I really like this! This is such a weird twist! I really want to know what happened to Jacob!!! And Edward is like a totally different person now! He seems like a player ;) I think it's very interesting, Bella and Mike :P Just one thing:

What if she smelled as good to him as I once had?


Is that what you meant? There might be other mistakes, but that's the main one that caught my attention :P Good job though, you write very similar to Stephanie Meyer!
  





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Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:41 pm
hockeyfan87 says...



Maya wrote:Chapter 1

'Happy Birthday Bella!' my husband said, coming into the room balancing a breakfast tray in one hand and our daughter in the other. He handed me the tray and then slipped into bed beside me, still cradling our little girl.
'Thirty, eh?' he laughed. I smiled but inside I was wondering what my life might have been like if Edward Cullen hadn't left just after my eighteenth birthday.

Would I have married him?
Probably
Would I have become a vampire?
Maybe.
Did I still love him?
Definitely.

Now, here I was, thirty and married to a man I could never love. Mike Newton, the golden retriever boy from high school. He and Jessica drifted apart and then he latched on to me like a bloodsucking leech. Sure, I loved him but not as much as I could have. It was as if my heart had been working on overdrive, producing way too much love whenever I was with Edward and when he left, my heart just sort of...died.
I felt bad for Mike, we had created a life for ourselves, we had a daughter for goodness sake but I still woke up every morning hoping to see the perfect, pale white face of my dreams and each morning I was disappointed when plain old Mike was still sleeping beside me.

'I think I'll pop to the shop, we've run out of eggs,' Mike said, scooping Lily up into his arms.
'Oh, ok,' I replied, aware that I probably sounded distant and sad. I always felt a little down on my birthday though, Mike knew that because he had spent several birthdays with me over the years. He always got me the most wonderful presents, things like heart shaped lockets and beautiful charm bracelets. It made me wonder what Edward would have given me if he was here today.

When Mike returned, eighteen month old Lily was screaming so I jumped out of bed and threw a sweater on over my pajamas. Before I could go downstairs though, Mike rushed up them to meet me and then led me back into the bedroom.
'There's someone downstairs for you,' he whispered while bouncing Lily up and down in his arms.
'Who?' I asked, curious.
When we had moved to Hawaii, we hadn't bothered to make friends with many of our neighbors and Charlie and Sue's flight had been delayed. Renee was due to arrive next week because Phil had a big coaching conference to attend.
'I'll wait up here with Lily, maybe she'll go back to sleep.'

I moved slowly down the steps toward the hallway, worried and excited at the same time. The person's back was to me but there was something about the colour of his hair that made my heart flutter.
'You're still the same then,' he said, his voice smooth like velvet.
'E-E-Edward? Is it really you?' I asked.
He turned around to face me and I saw that he had stuck on a fake mustache and was wearing small, trendy glasses.
'What's with the facial hair?' I laughed, my old self bubbling back to the surface.
'Have to look older, Bella. I am thirty, after all,' he smirked, his face lifting into that breathtaking crooked smile that sent my heart into overdrive once more.
I ran to him and hugged him, even though I was hurt and angry that he had left me. All was forgiven in that one short moment but Edward took a step back and held his breath.
'Sorry, Bella, I haven't been around you for so long. Your scent is...overwhelming.'
'Oh, sorry,' I mumbled, backing away. He smiled at me from across the room and then sat himself down in Mike's chair.
'I came back for you Bella, a few months after I left but Charlie said you were away on holidays, enjoying yourself in England. I went looking for you there but I couldn't find you. I went back to talk to Charlie and he sent me off on a wild goose chase. You have no idea how hard it is to track you. Then I heard that you had married Newton and I was sure that you had moved on. I was devastated but glad that you had forgotten me and found yourself a nice, human husband. Then when you had your daughter, I knew about it. I missed you so much but I thought it was better for you to be safe,' he told me.
Edward's face was as perfect as always, frozen at seventeen.
'I'm married Edward, but it was nice to see you,' I said coldly, turning away. I couldn't do this. Not now, not ever. I was married. Edward had had his chance and he had blown it. I was determined to be loyal to Mike no matter how much it hurt me.
By the time I had taken a step in the opposite direction, Edward was already there, in front of me. His topaz eyes were troubled and his brow furrowed in confusion.
'But Bella, wait. I haven't come here to annoy you or make you choose. I'm happy with the way things turned out,' there was a long pause and then he sighed, 'Ok, so I'm not really happy at all. I thought you'd be waiting when I got back, Bella. And then I chased you all over the place but you seemed so happy and I decided it would be better if I left you alone. You're thirty now, Bella and I know it's too late for you and me but please, accept this,' he said. In his palm was a dainty charm bracelet with just two charms hanging from the links. One was a wooden wolf carved with such intricate detail it took my breath away. The other was a crystal heart that glittered in the sunlight pouring through the window. Edward moved towards me with his hand outstretched and as he passed through the beam of sun, light erupted from his skin and danced on the walls. I had to look away before he could see me crying.
He clipped the bracelet around my wrist and then started backing away towards the door.
'Jacob sends his love,' he murmured before disappearing just like he had done on my birthday all those years ago. I felt my heart tearing and that's when I knew I couldn't live out my life with Mike Newton. I scrawled a note on the pad of paper by the phone and then walked out into the crisp, morning air. I would miss Mike, I would miss my baby but I could live without my possessions and my clothes. Edward would take care of me, of that I was certain.

Will write more if desired...

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE BELLA DUMP MIKE FOR EDWARD AND TAKE LILY WITH HER AND HAVE THEM BOTH BECOME VAMPIRES....BUT THATS JUST ME...
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn
  





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Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:58 pm
craftywriter says...



I'm not apart of the twilight fan craze but I gotta admit i love your totally unperdictable version!!! Keep going!!!
  





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Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:26 pm
Iamnotperfect says...



Hi I really like the way you are rewriting the story and its becoming more interesting and realistic as it goes on. I think that since you mentioned Jacob you should have explained more what happened between Bellla and him, I always thought that if she had a second option she would've chosen Jacob. Also there is many endings that you could give to the story e.g. Bella might decide to stay with Mike realizing that his love for her is immense and that he always knew he couldn't compete with Edward but then again knowing that he would have never left her. Bella might decide to run away with Edward and decide to become a vampire, even if she's on her 30's she knows she'll always be that 17 year old girl that Edward fell in love with, Edward might die somehow and she might decide to kill herself etc. Anyway this were just few ideas but I am sure you will definitely know how to continue the story and making it more intricate ... Good luck ;)
  





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Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:17 pm
Iamnotperfect says...



Actually now that I think about it how did she end up with Mike?! One of the most annoying characters ... that's strange, hmm I personally would prefer if Bella chose Edward also what if her child is not Mike's but in reality is Edward's and Bella kept it a secret from him ... wouldn't that be great. Anyway is up to you ... good luck ;)
  





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Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:13 am
UnderTheGun says...



Oh my goodness, this was even better than I though it would be. I don't get why they chose to move so far away, maybe you can clear that up later. But I can see why Edward would say that Jake sends his love, it makes sense. He knows that Bella will never love Mike, so he's just reminding her that there are two people that she can love and has loved romantically, still waiting for her. After Edward, I think Bella's too afraid to be alone, so it makes sense that she ended up with Mike, but I peg her as just selfish enough to leave her family for Edward, that's classic Bella. In your version she's fighting it, fighting the urge to fall back into her old, crippling habits. This is awesome, you have elements of Meyer and originality all in one. Keep writing!!
-From Gwen with Love-
  





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Sat Sep 25, 2010 7:26 pm
Sunshine says...



I like both parts of this story alot! I'm not a huge Twilight fan ( weak female leads annoy me). You SERIOUSLY need to write more! The world of Twilight needs you!
I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

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Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:38 pm
Celticmusicgirl says...



ok so this is a really good story. It really brings the readers a possibility of what could have happened when Edward left Bella. Very creative. the charm bracelet is one of my favorite gifts from the whole series. i lke how you incorporated that into your story. I didn't see any mistakes right off. so overall: you did a Very good job. Advice:don't lose your creativityand imagination! Have fun writing because how you feel about your story is important. If you post something that you hated writing then more than likely your readers will not like it.
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song.
-American Wake by Riverdance
  





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Tue Jun 07, 2011 3:03 am
pandaapple38 says...



Wow! I didn't expect her to end up with Mike! I feel bad for Lily though..
''Love is the Weapon.''
  








have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
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