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Young Writers Society


The Darkangel



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Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:03 am
cullenlove says...



if you're interested in reading the rest of the fic go to: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4032916/1/The_Darkangel

it's also up for the twilight awards for the 'best villain' and 'best overall scene' categories! go vote for it here: http://www.twilightawards.this-paradise.com/?page_id=11 thanks!


prologue

Edward Cullen was evil. What was left of his former human self was gone. His heart beat no longer and he was cruel, merciless; the spawn of Satan, himself. In fact, he was so evil and wicked that he was legendary. On cold bitter winter nights, old nurses would gather the young children around the hearth and tell them the frightening tale of the Darkangel.

The Darkangel lived in a lone, abandoned castle far away. He had lived their centuries alone and soul-less, with only his fierce gargoyles for company. The gargoyles were horrific creatures; they had long black feathers, sharp, lengthy claws, and treacherous beaks, which were used to rip into the flesh of their prey.

At this point, a few young ones would squeal; the more ebullient ones would urge the nurse to continue with her gruesome tale. The nurse would oblige.

She would continue her tale by describing the Darkangel; for as wicked as he was, he was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth. His skin was paler than the moon, harder than stone and absolutely freezing cold for he was dead inside. He had fiery auburn hair and a muscular body that looked as if it was chiseled out of a perfect block of marble. However, his most striking features were his honey golden eyes, fringed with thick black lashes, with purple bruises underneath.

Yet, one must not be swayed by his godly appearance! No, he was evil. Not a living thing thrived on his barren land; it was said to be winter all year long where he lived. However, the Darkangel needed his sustenance; every two months he left his castle to find a poor maiden. He would bring her to his castle alive, but she would not stay so for long. He’d grab her and would sink his sharp teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. The poor maiden would pale and collapse, as her very life force was sucked out of her, right before her eyes. Once the Darkangel had finished devouring her soul, he would discard of the useless body, sometimes feeding it to his ravenous gargoyles or simply letting it decompose on its own. Then the Darkangel would wait in his castle again, until the two months were up.
  





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Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:12 am
Angel of Death says...



Wow! I loved Twilight but you just bring another light to the dazzling Edward Cullen. You shed over him a shadowy veil of evil that is sometimes more refreshing than the Edward we read in books. I think that its not really too odd to find out that he was evil I mean he did say that he ran away from Carlisle...so it makes you wonder...well anyway I loved this. I will in fact go read it on www.fanfiction.com. I have a profile on there so I'll be sure to leave a comment.
Good Job and Keep writing,
Angel :D :D :D

P.S. Oh and Welcome to YWS!!
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Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:32 am
cullenlove says...



thanks!!

the first few chapters have a lot of grammar errors...so I'll be editing those soon but thanks for the feedback!

yeah, I haven't read any evil edward fics so I wanted to write something weird and original....

and please vote for my story @ the twilight awards (see link in first post) if you think it deserves to win the 'best villain' or 'best overall scene' categories.

:D
  





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Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:11 pm
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Essence of BloodLust says...



wow that was kind of cool! i like th whole differnet side to edward and everything but i was a little confused. was this supposed to fit in to the story like when he ran away from carlise for a while. If so it made no sense to say he was there for centuries when he's only like 110. And you said that he had beautiful golden eyes yet he feeds on humans so his eyes wouldn't be gold, they would be red. Those parts just confused me a bit.
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Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:16 pm
OverEasy says...



Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that you need to do two reviews for every post you make. Keeping a ratio of 2:1 from posts to reviews. :D

Welcome!
Life is for living.
  





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Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:22 pm
ProfessorRabbit says...



Aww. :( I thought at first that this was a Darkangel fanfiction, and I was excited to read it! But then I saw that it was Twilight, which I've never read.

His heart beat no longer and he was cruel, merciless; the spawn of Satan, himself.

This is improper use of a semicolon. A dash or a colon would be better.

At this point, a few young ones would squeal; the more ebullient ones would urge the nurse to continue with her gruesome tale.

Again, misuse of a semicolon. "squeal, and the more" would work better.

She would continue her tale by describing the Darkangel; for as wicked as he was, he was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth.

Almost, almost, but not quite. Either remove the semicolon, or remove the word "for."

I'd look up the proper usage of semicolons, were I you. That seems to be your main problem with this piece.

The eerie thing is that your description of his castle and his gargoyles sounds like that which belonged to the icarus in Darkangel, and he's even taking the souls. Is this a crossover fanfic, or mere coincidence?
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Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:47 pm
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cullenlove says...



not exactly a crossover but loosely related to the book. i got the idea for the gargoyles from 'the darkangel' by meredith ann pierce and the idea to make edward evil. the plot in the story is different, though.

thanks for the help with my errors!
  





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Wed Jul 09, 2008 10:50 pm
ProfessorRabbit says...



Heh, I had assumed that he was evil in the Twilight series, since he was a vampire. *rolls eyes* I need to get my butt out of the Fanfiction forum before I embarrass myself even further.
Frylock, please, no books! I can't read; I'm not a loser!
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Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:14 pm
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Jaliayh101 says...



I really like your story Edward Cullen was evil. What was left of his former human self was gone. His heart beat no longer and he was cruel, merciless; the spawn of Satan, himself. In fact, he was so evil and wicked that he was legendary. On cold bitter winter nights, old nurses would gather the young children around the hearth and tell them the frightening tale of the Darkangel.


The Darkangel lived in a lone, abandoned castle far away. He had lived their centuries alone and soul-less, with only his fierce gargoyles for company. The gargoyles were horrific creatures; they had long black feathers, sharp, lengthy claws, and treacherous beaks, which were used to rip into the flesh of their prey.


At this point, a few young ones would squeal; the more ebullient ones would urge the nurse to continue with her gruesome tale. The nurse would oblige.


She would continue her tale by describing the Darkangel; for as wicked as he was, he was the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth. His skin was paler than the moon, harder than stone and absolutely freezing cold for he was dead inside. He had fiery auburn hair and a muscular body that looked as if it was chiseled out of a perfect block of marble. However, his most striking features were his honey golden eyes, fringed with thick black lashes, with purple bruises underneath.


Yet, one must not be swayed by his godly appearance! No, he was evil. Not a living thing thrived on his barren land; it was said to be winter all year long where he lived. However, the Darkangel needed his sustenance; every two months he left his castle to find a poor maiden. He would bring her to his castle alive, but she would not stay so for long. He’d grab her and would sink his sharp teeth into the soft flesh of her neck. The poor maiden would pale and collapse, as her very life force was sucked out of her, right before her eyes. Once the Darkangel had finished devouring her soul, he would discard of the useless body, sometimes feeding it to his ravenous gargoyles or simply letting it decompose on its own. Then the Darkangel would wait in his castle again, until the two months were up.
  





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Fri Jul 11, 2008 1:36 am
chinchillagirl_34 says...



Edward Cullen was evil. What was left of his former human self was gone.

I just love this part, I always wonded what Edward would be like if he was evil.Then agin that sentence didn't really show his evil side but hey I knew were it was leading to. I think this new side of Edward was what caught me. Essence of BloodLust was right this new side of Edward was amazing, but alittle confusing. Other than that I think that was amazing!!
  





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Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:17 am
blue_lioness says...



oh my gosh. i can't wait till the next book comes out. and will you add me to your friends?
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Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:16 am
SeraphTree says...



Just letting you know, there is a book called the Dark Angel. ;)
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Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:14 pm
M. Wilson says...



Interesting...

I never really pictured Ed as evil, so this was a nice glimpse.

But I am a little confused... is this supposed to be part of the main canon... like when he first became a vampire, or something else. I felt that some of the sentences could have been reworded better.

Also, it would probably be good if you explained why/how he was evil.

I mean technically speaking, him "eating" people isn't really 'evil' (I dont think), because he does it to survive. I mean you don't call a lion who eats a zebra evil. Just my thoughts.

Maybe he's evil because he does it for fun or sport (killing/eating i mean).
  





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Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:03 pm
MiriamHannah says...



This is really good, I like it. Not really fitting to the character so far, but also the link doesn't work so I can't see if the rest fits up better.

Miriam
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Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:06 pm
darkangel_05 says...



hi.

the article is great and i am a fan of edward cullen(my sister said i look like him on my picture on yws), but i think it would be best for edward to stay as a vampire.

anyway, i think edward looks good in evil. JOKE!

overall for me? GOOD JOB!

-claron :lol:
  








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