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Bloody Apple



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Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:08 pm
VivelaMusique says...



Disclaimer: Obviously I hold no claim to these characters. JK owns all. And I've posted this a couple other places (HPANA etc) so if it looks familiar don't freak out! ;) Hehe.

Sirius Black had a choice to make. The red apple or the green? He silently wondered how his life had dwindled down to only fragments of what it used to be. Not that long ago an average day included things from the extravagant to the ordinary, but never had it been this mundane.

He picked up the red apple in his left hand and threw it into his right, to free it to lift the other fruit. Sirius weighed them like a balance scale in his palms before deciding that the green was the clearly the superior apple. He placed the other in a bowl with the rest of the fruit.

Sirius took his time bringing the apple to his mouth; he liked the nice rubbery feel of the skin and the almost perfect sphere shape. He let his fingers run over the stem and the one small bruise before finally taking a fleshy bite. Juice spurt from it and ran down his chin giving a nostalgic feeling of being about five years old and letting his pumpkin juice leak from the corners of his mouth.

He gruffly wiped his face on a raggedy sleeve of his bathrobe and bitterly decided that this apple was possibly the best damn apple he’d ever had. He went to the rubbish bin by the kitchen’s table and spit it out, followed quickly by the unfinished Granny Smith. The sweet taste was too much for him to handle after so many meals-gone-sour. He savored the irony for a moment before he went to a small wine cooler next to the bowl of fruit only to take out an unopened bottle of fire whiskey and popping it open.

He proceeded to drink almost three quarters of the bottle in about a half of an hour until his malnourished body passed out and his head banged hollowly on the kitchen table.

Sirius?” Remus sighed with disgust at his friends’ slack body and the spittle on his chin and table. “What were you -?”

Sirius stirred fleetingly, “Bloody apple…”
----
Thoughts?
Last edited by VivelaMusique on Sun Dec 21, 2008 9:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
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Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:57 pm
LOST says...



VivelaMusique- Hellllo Maggie. Hehe. I've read this a couple of times before, but your writing never gets old. Especially when it's about Sirius Black. Hmm...

Sirius Black has a choice to make.
'has' should be 'had'

The red apple or the green? He silently wondered how his life had dwindled down to only fragments of what it used to be. Not that long ago an average day included things from the extravagant to the ordinary but never had it been this mundane.
I love this part. It's very...characteristic of your writing style. It's reflective, ironic, and interesting.

“Bloody apple…”
Hehe. I <3 Sirius.

You should think about continuing this further...It would definitely make an awesome full length fic, but I can understand if you'd rather write original stuff than HP fanfics. Anyways, I loved it. :D
  





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Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:08 am
mikedb1492 says...



I like this. I could see this happening too. I don't know if you could continue this, though, since its just about Sirius eating an apple.
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Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:51 pm
VivelaMusique says...



Emily: Oiii, I told you you didn't have to read it again. Hehe. Thanks though. And I probably would've continued it before...but I kinda lost interest in HP stuff...

Miked: Thanks, glad you liked it! :) Haha, yeah, you have a point.
"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
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Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:46 pm
Kenpachi Masamune says...



Unusual, but good. Was a little freaky and rather disturbing to see that much detail over a piece of fruit only to be summed up as 'bloody apple'. It was good in and form and made me laugh at the end, but was sort of confusing and had me thinking 'Matrix' for a second. Though Sirius doesn't seem to be the type to drink wine, he has the look of being more for meat and red wine if anything. Though his rough appearance goes further to show him as that type of person, it seemed to betray what we know about him as a character. Just a little bit of crazy in this, and it works for Sirius.
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Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:13 pm
Runawaythoughts says...



I liked it. But it end really quick. Maybe you could add a little more or do you just like sirius. It was quite quick. Sorry but i cant get over the fact it was sooo small. You know maybe you would feel like writing more. I dont see why you want it to be so small..... Well Good Luck with it sorry if you think this comment is a little harsh, taht me for you.
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Sun Apr 06, 2008 3:35 am
Tamora says...



This is really good! I like the ideas that you've brought to light, and the way you've incorporated them all into the simple act of eating an apple. Very inventive.

He proceeded to drink almost three quarters of the bottle in about a half of an hour 'til his malnourished body passed out and his head banged hollowly on the kitchen table.


Don't use 'til unless it's part of the dialogue, as it's slang formed by how it is spoken, not a word for normal text.

That's about all I could find wrong with it.

I liked it. But it end really quick. Maybe you could add a little more or do you just like sirius. It was quite quick. Sorry but i cant get over the fact it was sooo small.


I disagree, i like the fact that it's so short, it's only a short piece, and it doesn't need to be drawn out, otherwise it could get tedious. So well done.
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Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:31 pm
VivelaMusique says...



Kenpachi Masamune:
Though Sirius doesn't seem to be the type to drink wine, he has the look of being more for meat and red wine if anything.

I'm a little confused, what did you mean by this?

Thank you for your review!

Runawaythoughts: Don't worry, I didn't feel like it was harsh... I made this short because I wrote it with the intention of just showing a glimpse of how Sirius was feeling kept cooped (sp?) up in Grimmauld Place and I didn't think there was much more to say about the apple...also when people before had made the suggestion to continue I thought about what I could write about and there weren't any brilliant ideas that came to mind. *Shrug*

Thanks though.

Tamora: Thank you! I corrected that just now.

I disagree, i like the fact that it's so short, it's only a short piece, and it doesn't need to be drawn out, otherwise it could get tedious. So well done.

Thanks :) I'm happy you agree
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Wed Apr 09, 2008 5:14 pm
Sweeney_Todd says...



haha. That was funny, and...short. It seems to fit Sirius's character somehow, but with a bleak outlook on everything. Remus sounds concerned and fatherly as ever, though. Keep up the good work!
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Mon Apr 14, 2008 5:56 am
Jadeite says...



Very interesting story. I found it entertaining and a good read. Was writen well and described well. Very good writing there.
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Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:51 pm
x-tears-x says...



LOVE IT. You wrote all that about an...APPLE. wow. i loved it. it was weird - completely bonkers - but that, i think, is a good thing. Great description and got me hooked from the beginning. ;D
  





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Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:57 pm
Blue Fairy says...



This was really good. I liked how you showed that he has nothing better to do then choose over apples while he is cooped up. It makes me feel sorry for him.

I really liked the bit about how the apple juice running down his chin made him feel like a 5 year old.
Good story :D


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Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:48 pm
sXe_Jinxeh says...



I found this really interesting. Kind of funny, the little bit at the beginning that was just about the red and green apple reminded me of the Matrix...

And the transition from eating an apple to getting totally hammered made me laugh.

Overall, pretty funny!
  





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Tue Apr 22, 2008 12:23 am
teenweirdo says...



All about an apple. And actually interesting. I liked it. It was short and funny. I can imagine Sirius like this. :)

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Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:52 am
vamplord12 says...



very interesting story...very interesting...you should continue with this story...see if Rowling will make another book, just a sort of spinoff of the original 7 books
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