Young Writers Society

ROFLCOPTER Every Twilight fan needs a sense of humour, this was hilarious.

It was hilarious! They should spoof Twilight like they do on the Scary Movie series, Superhero Movie and all of those. Frickin' Great!

I did not think that this was very funny.

2 reasons:
1) Too much cussing.
A overload of cussing is not funny. It is only not very creative. Unless you think that finding different ways to insult people is creative. It would be better if the cusses were placed cleverly instead of overloading the story with them.
2) Illogical reactions.
Normally I would quote here. But your story does not appear at the bottom of the page and I can't remember the exact scene. There was just some point where I thought you were not thinking of what you were writing in the context of your story. It seemed to me that you exchanged words (and reactions) in the original Twilight dialogue but did not consider that this reaction you crated does not fit what you wrote a moment before.

I general I did like your approach. I think what makes your spoof interesting is that you get the feeling you are reading Twilight but the people are totally different. It creates a nice effect. And there are some really funny moments in your spoof, too.

stardust1019 wrote:
“Wow, dad. I hate it. Thanks a fuckin bunch.” Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much more dreadful. Hey, at least I wouldn’t be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or accepting a ride in the taxi.

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“Where was the feel of institution?” I wondered. “Where were the chain-link fences, the metal detectors? Shit, I guess I can bring my gun in, then.”

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I parked in front of the first building, which had a sign over the door reading, Front office, leave me the fuck alone. No one else was parked there, so I was sure it was off limits. Which, is exactly why I parked there.
.
.
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When I went back out to my truck, other students were starting to arrive. I drove around the school, following the line of traffic.

Here are some of the scenes I meant.

The first one:
Why does she say "thank you" and "wow" if she hates it? Is that supposed to be sarcastic? To me that does not become clear.

The second one:
Why does she say "shit" if she can take the gun? She wanted to take it, didn't she? Things like this are what create the feeling that you use cussing too much.

The third one:
Why does she park somewhere else if she liked it where she was in the first place? This seems to me to be the most illogical reaction you created.


As I said before I went back to find the quotes: I like your general concept. But things like this ruin the entire thing for me.

BTW I am a twilight fan. I do not care if you ridicule it. Everyone has a right to have their own opinion. And I believe you if you say you liked it yourself. This is not about what you wrote but how you wrote.

Lol! I'm big Twilight fan but i loved this all the same. I'd like to have seen Bella a bit more feisty in the earlier books (perhaps not this feisty though!)

Although i did enjoy your parody I think some of the language could have been a bit less blunt, coming from me i'm aware that's quite hypocritical, but i think she could've had a little bit more about her than "fuck this" and "fuck that".

Like i said though, i loved it, and i hope you write more.

See I like twilight, but I LOVED this. I don't get why people are saying take some of the swearing out, if you didn't have the swearing then it wouldn't be that good (in my option). But HEY if you want to change the swearing that's your option, but i LOVE it how it is. Please tell me if you write more. I deff. want to hear about Edward. And Bella being a blonde and tan.. hah. that is funny. I can't wait to see what Edward thinks of her! SO again... tell me if your writing moree.


--Jessie.

This was interesting, a very different take on Twlight. I like that you made this so different, that you made it your own. But, it was too bitter.

I was also slightly 'What?' at the 'the school didn't even have metal detectors' in Twilight; what the hell was her old school, an international airport?
I like the inverse Bella thing; here, at least she's more realistic.

The drugs, the guns, the stuff... I dunno why, but it reminds me of Baltimore .

hey, this was fantastic!
i loved it! i am a fan of twilight too.

your story is one of a kind!

i think you forgot to change Forks High School to Spoons High School in one of the paras.

good one. I haven't read twilight, but my sister told me everything I needed to know.

You should cut down the abuses. I'm only 11 ...

Keep it up!(not the abuses!)

okay i'm gonna be honest, i didn't read the whole thing, only the dialogue, but i laughed my ass off! i'm a big twilight fan too, but let's admit, some parts are a bit bad, like how Edward watches Bella sleep and she doesn't even feel weird about it, or how she just automatically took him back in new moon and they didn't even really talk about it, or how edward is way over-protective in controlling in eclipse about jacob and i want to just strangle him, i mean bella was with jake the whole time he was gone and did he ever even really hurt her? okay anyways, enough of my bitching, i loved the cussing and chinkie and

i LOVED
"well he was rooting through the garbage heap when he came upon this piece of shit."
"what year is it, when did he buy it?"
and chinkie says "clean out your ears girl, they found it in the dump" lmfao.

"stop bitching Bella, the thing runs great. They don't build scraps of metal like this anymore," haha so good, so good.

chumpkin? where do you come up with this shit? i loved it.

"As a you-better-cook-me-dinner-every-night-gift" lol this is true, she does cook him dinner like every night.

"That's really fucking stupid of you. thanks a lot dad, i really don't appreciate it."
"Well now, your welcome." GREAT

and my favorite line "Oh shut up and get your shit." lol, i love charlie and i could so see him saying this.

OH MY GOD THAT WAS REALY FUNNY!
I love how twilight is like the EXACT opposite of what you wrote. Loved it loved it and loved it!!!!!! I like how you called it spoons and the read thing is forks. I like how Bella loves her mom but in your book she dosn't. I love how Bella suppose to be a white, avarage looking girl with selfless personality and how you made her a hot egotistical blond (tanned). And i really really loved how you called la push La Diush (or did you spell it differently?)
But hahahahhaha I can't stop laughing at you calling Charlie....Chinkie hahahahahahaha
I can't wait to see what Edward and Jacob and the others look like. Keep the story going. You should really make like a parody video on youtube just for the heck of it and I didn't know you could swear. I though no rude things but now that I know you can.... muhahaha.
Just joking. But I really had a nice laugh with this piece of work. You should be a comidian or just make fun of things. I would read them all. Do you just do Fanfiction or are you into other things? Let me know and I'll check you out to see what you write without the humor (which is funny shit by the way)
One last time..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA KEEP IT UP!

Can you please tell me when there's more????? Please? I can't wait to see what you write Edward like

well, its a little rude, but really funny.