Young Writers Society

You ought to be ashamed of yourself! stepenie meyer spent MONTHS writing this masterpiece and you mangled it in a non humouruous mannor? you should be dead! you owe the author and the cullens an apology.............. Just kidding!!! you did an excellent job! keep up the good work

PS i hate twilight

I love twilight, however i also have a sense of humor. This was really good, i burst out spontaneously laughing quite a few times. Really liked spoons, obvious but funny, and the swearing was absurd, in a good way. Good laugh, i want to hear the next chapter, especially hear your thoughts on Edward.

Although I understand people's comments about it not 'flowing' etc, I liked it.
If you take it for what it is, (in short a 'p***-take') it's actually quite funny. This really brightened up my day haha.

"Go fuck yourself you incest-ridden pervert" nice insult there.

also "I picked a car out for you. It's a piece of shit"-this was fab because in the film that's just what I, as a viewer, thought of the car when I saw it.

GUYS!! TAKE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS-A P***-TAKE. GET OFF YOUR GRAMMATICAL HIGH-HORSES, GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR A** AND LIGTHEN THE HELL UP. IF YOU DIDN'T WANT A P***-TAKE THE TITLE SHOULD HAVE PUT YOU OFF!!!

I liked it anyway
Peace
C.E.S

[Junior Mod Edit: Please, do not swear in reviews, and watch the caps]

I'm going to be completely honest with you... that wasnt necessarily worth my time. I get the hole 'spoof' thing but when you copy the book out and then change a few words around it really isn't that funny... and the worst part is most of your humour came for obscene words. I'm not saying cursing is terribly because I myself can sometimes end up swearing like a trucker, but the whole swearing thing didn't make this any funnier and without it your story would be reduced pretty close to it's original form which was in fact, twilight.

Just a thought though.

And If you are wondering, I am very anti-twilight. In fact, I cant stand it worth.. well either way, I just dont like the book. My opinion doesnt change though.

Peace
~The.Dreamwalker

I can see why it's funny, but all the swearing got to me. I think it would have been better if it weren't pretty much just the same book with a few dialogue changes; at the most, you could have paraphrased, but this doesn't feel like your own, y'know?

First of all...
You're an excellent writer, and you did most of your grammatical stuff right, your word choice was good, your characterization was complete. The problem wasn't your writing, it was the story itself. It just sort of turned me off... see paragraph below.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but I didn't think it was funny at all. I've read Twilight, and I thought it was okay - not worth all the hype, but not a piece of crap, either. But that has no bearing in my critique of your story. All you did was change Bella to be a bitchy, cynical, cursing teenager, then make all of the dialogue from friendly into unrealistically horribly hateful. Call me crazy, but that doesn't fit into "spoof" in my book, it fits into "completely different story with a few of the same character names."

On a side note - when reading a spoof on Twilight, my favorite part is always seeing what Edward will be like - stupid, egotistical, goofy, an ax murderer, etc. I would have liked to see Edward in your story, because his character changes so much from fanfic to fanfic.

I'd love to see some of your other, non-fanfic stuff, but this just didn't do it for me. Sorry. It's probably an individual thing.

Cheers!
~Kool

Thankyou so much for making my day.
That was an exellent beggining i loved it
I am new here jus started now so i was thinking if you coluld help me around this website
I'd be really grateful
and also if you could tell me how to make stories of my own that would be realy grateful
Tanks

Ok, I thought it was funny, only one teeny tiny problem:



There was waaaaaay too much swearing!!!!!!!

I mean, it's kind of unnecessary. And, believe it or not, some people actually ignore the "R" rating! You should warn people in the topic description!

Besides the profuse cursing and drugs, this is exactly the same thing Meyers did. I had done the same thing with another fan fiction. It will get so much more attention if it was believable and was your own rendition - not copying almost word for word and changing a few words.

If you would like any help on this, I would be glad to help.

Just PM me!
MJ

Hi. Socks here!

That was hands down hi-la-rious. My friend and I were almost tearing up. Im not a fan girl, but I do love twilight. Anyways I thought it was genious. How you exagerated everithing out of proportion and wrote it from anothe point of you. Its still twillight but from another angle. Im dying to meet Edward. One thing though, Id like if you speeded it up a litttle bit. I mean, youre not gonna rewrite the whole 344 pages of it. . .?

Thats all I have to say. peace & love.

Hey. Socks here. Actual Socks.
I accidentally posted my review in my friends account. Sorry Cynara. At least you get my points now.

. . .peace & love. . .

oops... Twillight has 544 pags. Sorry.Again.

Totally brilliant! thanks it made my morning.
I disagree with some of the comments, the way you used parts from the actual book just made it better for me!

But yeah, some of the swearing seemed a bit over the top and unnecessary. But hey, loved it anyway.

Can't wait to see the rest, and what Edward's going to be like!
X

You did a good job at the beginning, and I know it's a parody, but you really had more swearing than necessary. In fact I couldn't finish due to the amount of swearing. But other than that it seemed very funny, and I would suggest rewriting it and cutting back on the swearing.

omg the bite me top lol

i loved all the little changes you made, like the bit where chinkie snuck out of her closet and such lol it was hilarious