Spoiler! :
A howler from Mars 2
Goyle’s parents say he can’t come? Oh, well that’s alright. He shouldn’t come anyway, I can survive alone. I’ve made tons of friends here and I don’t need Crabbe and Goyle anymore! I’ve made some pretty fantastic friends here- Earthlings and Martians alike!
Who am I kidding? This place is hell. As red as, too! I just can’t stand it anymore! I’ve only been here for four months and I’ve already had it with this school and dusty planet!
Slinkingsphinx?! Slinking-shitty-sphinx is a joke. No, I’m sirius black, it is one hell of a joke! Turns out that that pitiful house is like a clone of Gryffindor. I think someone should have filled me in on the houses, at least briefly before I got all eager about it and walked proudly towards that stupid Sink.
I can swear on my beloved Zefron poster that someone must’ve funneled a strong and heavy concentration of butter-beer down that Sink of Selection. I mean, does it know who Draco Malfoy is? Who doesn’t know Draco Malfoy? What kind of pathetic joke is that?
That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I’m missing the whole of season four of Wizards of Waverly Place for this! It is definitely NOT worth it! Bloody hell!
So enough about me. How are the two of you doing, Mum and Dad? I hope the Dark Lord is not bothering you too much. You need to rest Mum and I don't want anything bad happening to you.
Ahem. You see Draco?? This is what got you in that Gryffindor-ish house. You're losing you touch!
No matter how much I hate Pigfarts, it cannot be compared to the hatred I have for Hogwarts! Never will there be a school I hate more that that dump. So no, I absolutely positively do not miss Hogwarts.
Buuut if you could have Goyle fill me in on a few things happening, I will - to say the least - be more or less… impressed. Not pleased, just impressed.
(Note to self: remember Goyle’s first name). If he could also tell me a little about Granger I’d be quite grateful. Only a little.
I don’t care about that awesomely beautiful mud-blood anyway. Who cares about that pitiful race, eh? Mud-bloods… stupid assassins of wizardry. That brilliant and intelligent and gorgeous dim-witted and brainless mud-blood who conquers my dreams. Tell Goyle to tell that freak that she should stop her STUPID nonsense and get OUT of my head. She has got to stop with the mind spells. It’s bad for the health. Siriusly, it’s riddikulus.
Well, I have nothing else to add. I’ve answered your questions from your last letter. Like I said, I’m sorry about the howler- Martians are awfully upside-down and demented. This year you bet I’m gonna get out of here! You have got to start looking for another school right now!
Love you more than Aunt Bella loves the Dark Lord!
Draco.
P.S: I know I’ve completely deviated from the questions you asked me, but I had to get a few things off my chest. And…WHAAAAT?! Dad’s in Azkaban? How did that happen?
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