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Harry Potter rewriten (it's rough, but I like it)



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Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:35 pm
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TheWriters says...



Harry Potter
and the
Order of the Phoenix
A rewritten tale from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter
Harry leaned in closer to Hermione's investigation of Professor Umbridge's interruption.
"It means the Ministry is interfering with Hogwarts." She ended.
"Hey who's she?" Ron asked. He was looking at a girl sitting by Fred.
"That's Becca Grimham. She's new- in the fifth year too. She was trained by Dumbledore. So Fred and George say." Hermione said.
"She must be good then. If she's trained by him." Harry said.
"I've heard people saying lots of different things about her. It's hard to tell what's truth and what's not." Hermione whispered.
Harry walked into potions late.
"Take a seat Potter." Snape hissed. Harry took a seat by Ron. "As I was saying for the next two weeks you will be working with your partner on making a presentation on 4 different potions. I will chose your partners." Snape brought out a bowl and picked two scraps out. " Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, of course." Harry smiled. "Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom. Becca Grimham and Draco Malfoy." Snape read off the other pairs and they separated into groups.
Harry watched Becca and Malfoy. Becca smiled and laughed. Harry watched them purposely touch hands when looking through the book. For the first time Harry saw Draco smile kindly.
"Look at them." Harry said. Ron looked over.
"Disgusting. Who would even want to date Malfoy." Ron said nearly puking.

Hermione came through the door of the common rooms and sat down beside Harry.
"Guess who I caught snogging in the halls. Malfoy and Becca! I haven't seen Malfoy that happy in a while. They just meant, too! "

Becca looked into Draco's eyes.
"I haven't been this happy in a while." He said. Becca nodded. "You make me feel complete. I love you, Becca. I just hope my parents approve of us. I want you to meet them over Christmas." Becca nodded. Malfoy hugged her and kissed her softly.
Harry spotted Becca in the back of the crowd at Hog's Head in front of her stood Cho Chang. Harry stood.
" I'm not going to talk about Cedric. If that's why your here you mind as well clear out now." Harry looked back at Cho. "Come on, Hermione. Let's get out before they think I'm some sort of freak." Harry whispered to Hermione.
"Wait." She whispered.
"Is it true you can produce a patronus charm?" Luna Lovegood asked. Harry was speechless.
"Yes." Hermione said. "I've seen it."
"Blimey, Harry! I didn't know you could do that!" Dean exclaimed. The rest went great after that.
Harry was the last to leave after the first practice. Behind him there was a small clang and he turned around. Becca was standing there.
"Oh, sorry Harry. I just was going to stay and ... never mind I'll just go. Draco...." She blushed and slipped out of the room.

Christmas came soon and soon after asking Dumbledore Becca was packing for Draco's house. The train ride was peaceful. Draco and Becca had a train cabin to themselves. Draco was on the edge of fainting from nervousness. The fact that she was from Gryffindor was putting him over the edge. Soon they arrived at the station. Lucius Malfoy was there waiting.
"Father, this is Becca Grimham. My girlfriend." Draco said holding Becca's hand.
"Ah, yes pleased to meet you. I hope you are as charming as Draco has said." Lucius held out his arm and as soon as Draco touched it we apparated. They landed on the front porch of their large house. There was a pop as Lucius disappeared.
"Come on," Draco said. "Your room's by mine." Becca followed him up stairs. After putting her bag in her room Draco and Becca sat down on his bed.
"You want to leave." He said. Becca nodded.
"Only a little." Draco nodded.
"We can go to Diagon Alley. Buy presents for each other." Draco wrapped his arms around Becca and kissed her head.
Becca went into a small shop that sold trinkets in Diagon Alley. Draco was out buying a gift for her. "Tomorrow's Christmas," he had reminded Becca. Something on the self caught Becca's eye. It was a gold ring. She picked it up and set it on the counter. The girl packaged it.
"Six galleons, please." She said. Becca handed her the money before grabbing the red box and putting it in her coat pocket.
Becca and Draco got back at eight. Narcissa smiled politely as they retired to bed.
"Night, Draco. Merry Christmas Eve." Draco smiled and kissed her lips.
"Merry Christmas Eve, Becca." Becca laid her head on his chest and sighed.
Becca laid down in her bed and thought about what had happened that day. Everything seemed right. Yet, Draco's father was ... expected. Becca closed her eyes and slowly fell asleep. That night she had nightmares... nightmares involving Lord Voldemort. Becca was standing in a tower. Dumbledore stood in front of her and behind her stood people in black. " Avada Kedavra!" The green light hit him in the chest and he fell over the tower's edge.
"No!" Becca screamed.
Becca was shaken awake by Draco.
"Becca? Becca, are you okay? Your sweating and moaning and you just screamed." Becca nodded.
"I had a bad dream. That's all. I can't even remember it." Becca hated lying to Draco.
"We are opening presents down stairs. Come down with me." Draco said. Becca nodded and changed in the bathroom. Lucius and Narcissa where sitting in a love seat Draco and Becca sat in the other love seat across from them. Draco handed her two small boxes. Becca realized everyone was looking at her. She took a box and opened it. A beautiful diamond necklace sparkled up at Becca. Draco took it out of the box and put it around Becca's neck.
"I thought of you when I saw it." He whispered. Becca opened the next box and found a ruby ring in it. She smiled and put it on her finger. The pain exploded through her body. She screamed and slid to the floor. Her body convulsed.
"Becca!" Draco yelled diving for her side.
"Don't touch her, Draco." Lucius commanded. "She's working for Potter. Don't you see? She was using you, trying to find a weakness."
"No, Draco, please. I wasn't. Please, I love you. Don't do this." She cried. " Please. Make it stop. Arhhhhh!" Her body convulsed, again. She started to sob.
"Stop it." He yelled. Draco ripped the ring off of her finger and through it across the room. Draco hugged Becca's shaking body. There was a loud pop and Dumbledore apparated. He saw Becca laying in Draco's arms and waved his wand.
"Lucius. Draco. Narcissa. Mrs. Grimham needs to come with me." Becca stood and weakly walked over to him and grabbed his arm.
"Good day." There was a pop as Dumbledore and Becca disappeared. Seconds later Becca and Dumbledore arrived in Number 12, Grimmauld Place.
"Now, you room is the fifth door on the left. I believe Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron are in the first door on the left. Your things are in your room. If you'll excuse me I have to talk to Molly and Sirius." Dumbledore left and she wiped away some tears.
Becca opened the first door on the left and was meant by stares.
"Er... Hi." Becca said. "I'm going to go." Becca ran up the stairs to her room. She laid down on her bed and started to cry. Minutes later she heard foot steps. Her door opened and she stood up. Sirius came through. Sirius took one look at her and wrapped her in a hug.
"Are you okay?" He asked. Becca nodded. " I can't believe why Lucius would do this... It's time for dinner. Come down and eat."
Becca followed Sirius down the stairs and into the dinning hall. She saw that everyone was eating so she grabbed a platte and filled it. Becca ate as fast as she could. By the time she finished she was the only person in the room besides Mrs. Weasly. Becca hurried up the stairs and stopped. She heard whispering behind Harry and Ron's door.
"Becca seemed really upset about Malfoy. She was crying in her room earlier." Becca heard Hermione say.
"Malfoy's nothing' but bull-"
"Ron! This is Becca's boyfriend we are talking about."
"I was just giving my opinion." Tears fell from Becca's eyes.
"I heard Dumbledore say she was attacked by Lucius Malfoy. He gave her a cursed ring. " Becca heard some one gasp and realized who it was. Ginny was there, too.
"Malfoy's a little twit." Ron coughed. A river of silent tears were now flowing down Becca's cheeks.
"All of you off to bed now!" Molly called from downstairs. There where footsteps and Hermione opened the door catching Becca in the nose. Blood streamed down mixing with her tears. Hermione stared at her. Sirius was coming down the stairs. He saw Becca and ran for her. Becca turned and ran down the stairs with Sirius behind her. She grabbed her cloak and ran outside.
"Becca! Wait!" Sirius yelled. Sirius touched her cloak as she apparated.
Becca landed in front of Malfoy's house. Sirius was right beside me. Becca opened the door.
"Go away." Becca said coldly. Sirius saw a wizard walking down the street and apparated. Becca walked into the house. She gasped. The once beautiful house was now shattered and torn. Glass was shattered, curtains- torn, walls had massive holes in them. She walked up the stairs- which were covered with stone dust, scratches, and pieces of glass. Large chunks of wood were missing from the stair. Becca opened Draco's door- which was barley hanging on it's hinges. Draco was asleep on his bed. The golden ring, that Becca gave him, was on him finger. Becca stepped on a piece of glass and it made a loud crunch. In a flash Draco was up wand at the ready.
" Becca? Becca..." Draco dropped his wand. Draco ran over to her and snogged her.
"Draco, what happened here?" Becca asked in the middle of the snogging. Draco kissed her more.
"My dad and I had a huge fight." Draco fought for his breath. "Dad's gone and mum's out." Draco softly kissed Becca. Becca lowered her head. "What's wrong?"
"Dumbledore and the Weasleys will be here soon." There was a crash down stairs. "If not, now." Three pairs of footsteps came up the stairs and Becca took my wand out. "Good-bye, Draco. I'll see you." Becca kissed Draco as Harry, Hermione, and Ron ran into the room. She waved her wand and black smoke poured out of the end of it. Becca had no problem escaping that room- it was Moody who had come and no doubt someone was outside. Behind her a cat meowed. She paid it no attention. Becca raised her wand. "Ex-"
"Expelliarmus!" Tonks shouted from behind her. Becca's wand few out of her hand. Moody caught it. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stumbled out of Draco's room. Tonks grabbed Becca's arm and apparated.
"What where you thinking? You could have been killed!" Sirius yelled.
"I was thinking that I've had enough of Harry and Ron and Hermione."
"Can I have a moment alone with Becca?" Sirius asked. Mrs. Weasly and the others left the room. "Becca, before your father died and when your mother died I made a promise to protect you. I can't really do that if your running off with the son of a Death Eater every five minutes."
"While the rest of you may not- I trust Draco. He would never purposely hurt me. I love him, Sirius. You can't stop me from doing that." Becca said, coldly. She stood and left the room. She slammed the door and walked up the stairs, casting looks that made only Kreacher smile with delight. "Good blood. Make good family."
Sirius kicked over the chair in front of him and grabbed his head. Tonks came in and sat beside him.
" She's stubborn and short tempered like her mom, but kind and loving like her father." Sirius sighed.
"She's going back to school tomorrow. She'll stop when Draco's around." Tonks said.
"That's what I'm worried about! Harry told me that she was snogging Draco last night."
"Sirius, remember that she is also smart like her mum. She can take care of herself. Let her go where she wants to. Trust her a little more." Tonks smiled kindly and Sirius sighed. He nodded.
Two stories above Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred, and George sat on Ron and Harry's beds. Ron and Harry were packing for Hogwarts on the floor.
" Becca was snogging Malfoy when we ran in there. It was disgusting!" Hermione finished.
"I wonder what's going on between her and Sirius. Why did we have to leave the room anyway?"
"Her parents did die. Who knows?" Fred shrugged. Downstairs a door slammed and there was a thud as a chair fell. Footsteps came up the stairs and everyone was quiet. Ginny quietly opened the door and watched Becca go up the stairs with Kreacher trailing behind her. Ginny closed the door.
"Malfoy's changed her. She's evil."
Becca laid down on her bed again and Kreacher came through the door.
"Mistress wants you to have this. Yes, she does." He handed Becca a thin black chain necklace with a small jade snake attached to it. She put it on and hid it underneath her clothes. When she looked up Kreacher was gone. Becca got down on the floor and began to pack her things.
Becca walked along the 9 and 3/4 platform. The students and parents cleared for a second and she saw Draco and his mum. Becca dropped her trunk.
"Draco." She whispered. Becca stood, frozen. Draco boarded the train, looking around desperately one last time. Cynthia Bryan from Slytherin bumped into Becca and sneered. Becca jumped onto the train and quickly found a seat in a empty cabin.
Becca got off the train and looked for Draco. She spotted his head riding away in a carriage. Becca boarded a carriage with Luna Lovegood and a few other Ravenclaws.
Becca got off the carriage and walked into the busy hall and pushed her way through. She walked slowly through the fresh, powdery snow towards the dock on the lake. Becca walked out onto the edge of the dock and watched the sun set. A thin layer of ice covered the lake. A hand grabbed her shoulder and she turned.
"Draco." Becca whispered.
"Becca."
"Draco, some people have been saying horrible things about you. Please tell me they aren't true." Draco kissed her softly.
"I would never, ever do something bad and then smile about it." He promised. A rope shot out of the darkness and wrapped in around Becca's neck. She clawed at it trying to breathe. Two more ropes shot out of the woods and wrapped themselves around her hands and feet. Becca fell back through the ice and sunk below the surface. Without thinking Draco kicked off his shoes and cloak. Draco dove into the water and spotted Becca sinking to the bottom. He swam after her as a trail of bubbles escaped from her lips. Draco and Becca hit the bottom. He slipped the rope off of her hands, feet, and neck. Draco tore off her cloak and grabbed her. He pushed off of the lake bottom and started swimming. The seaweed tangled around him and scratched at him. Draco's lungs were burning. He gave one final kick.
The surface was as smooth as glass. The sun sank lower and lower by the minute giving up to the darkness of night. Draco and Becca exploded out of the water. Draco swam Becca over and they dragged themselves up onto the beach. They rolled over on their backs and Draco raised his wand and red sparks shot into the sky.
Hagrid, Dumbledore, and Professor McGonagall came running a few minutes later.
"Oh, dear. I'll go tell Miss Pomfery." Professor McGonagall hurried off. Hagrid picked Becca up and walked after her. Draco stood.
"Mr. Malfoy, come with me." Draco followed Dumbledore into the castle.
Becca woke up to a bright sunny day in the hospital wing. Sirius and Dumbledore were sitting by her bed.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked.
"Yes." Becca said. She sat up in her pillows. Becca looked at her wrists. Red rings marked where the ropes had been.
Ron popped in, " Hurry someone's coming." Sirius nodded.
"I have to go. Good-bye." Sirius said. He grabbed Dumbledore's wrist and apparated. Draco came through the door. He looked at her and ran over. Draco ran his fingers through her long, black, wavy hair. "Are you okay?" He asked. Becca nodded and kissed Draco softly. She paused for a moment then kissed him harder. The doors swung open and footsteps came in and stopped. Becca and Draco broke apart quickly. Arthur and Molly Weasley stared at them. Miss Pomfery came out of her office.
"Out, out, out! Miss Grimham need's her rest. She'll be out by tonight after dinner." Draco and the Weasleys left. Miss Pomfery opened a bottle and started putting it's contents on Becca's rope marks. The tingling of the medicine slowly put Becca to sleep. Becca woke up as Miss Pomfery came through the door.
"Ah. Miss Grimham, Dumbledore will like to see you in his office." She said. Becca got up and headed to her bed to change.
Becca opened the door to Dumbledore's office and went in. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk. Becca sat down in front of him.
"We know who tried to kill you. Cynthia Bryan was put under the Imperius Curse this afternoon. We found her by the lake. We believe Lord Voldemort was behind it."
"I don't think Lord Voldemort was behind it, Dumbledore. Lucius Malfoy thinks that I am working for Harry. He believes that I am using Draco to get at Voldemort and his men, but I'm not."
"There is no solution to this problem that wouldn't break your heart or mine. I think you know what they are. I can't make up your mind for you." Behind them Snape opened the door.
"Sir, we have a slight problem."
"Yes. Of course." Dumbledore stood to leave and added," There's still a plate of food for you in the Great Hall."
Becca sat alone in the Great Hall eating her meal. When she was done Becca started to walk back to Gryffindor Tower. She turned the corner and jumped back. Mrs. Umbridge stood in front of a wall. Behind her several Slytherins stood. Draco stood off to the side holding Cho Chang by her robes. Mrs. Umbridge raised her wand and said," I'll make short work of this. Berbarda maxima!" The wall in front of her exploded. Draco yanked Cho over to the wall, smiling as if Christmas had come a month early. That liar. That poser. Those things that people say are true. Draco is on Voldemort's side! I'm sorry Sirius and Harry. Becca thought. I'm coming, Harry. Becca watched them lead Harry, Luna, Hermione, Ron, and Neville away.
Becca grabbed Harry's invisibility cloak and made her way to the Great Hall.
Dumbledore was missing. Umbridge is now headmaster. And, now I try and stay away from Draco as much as possible. I'm saving our break up seen for a distraction. What could go wrong now? Becca thought as she continued watching the members of the D.A. write lines. They winced as the words they were writing on the paper carved themselves in their hands. Professor Umbridge sat in front of the class watching, waiting. She stared at the spot Becca was sitting for so long Becca thought she could see right through the invisibility cloak.
Becca stared at her Defense against the Dark Arts O.W.L.S. Outside the closed doors there came three bangs. Professor Umbridge started walking swiftly to the doors. Another bang came. Umbridge walked through the doors. A large spark came and few up to Umbridge's face. It flew into the Great Hall and burst into blue fireworks. Umbridge walked out even farther.
"Hay!" Fred and George came flying through- throwing more fireworks up. Everyone threw their test papers up and cheered. Umbridge watched, horrified, as Fred and George flew through the halls. Everyone was out of their seats by now cheering. Fred held up a dragon shaped fire work.
"Ready when you are!" George yelled. Fred threw the fire work up and it exploded in a fury of color. Out of the fire a flaming dragon roared and soared at Umbridge. She ran for the door but wasn't fast enough. The dragon ate her up and exploded into a dozen little fireworks. They bashed into Umbridge's wall of rules breaking the glass. Umbridge stood up before all of the frames fell. Fred and George flew out of the hall barley missing Umbridge. The students ran outside, cheering. Fred and George flew away as their last firework crackled into a W. Becca stood behind Harry- watching. Suddenly, Harry fell. Becca rushed to his side, as did Hermione.
"Sirius." Harry gasped.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Becca ran up the stairs.
"Harry, are you sure?" Hermione asked.
"I saw it!" Harry said.
"It's like with Mr. Weasley. It's the same door I've been dreaming about for months. I didn't remember where I had seen it before. Sirius said Voldemort was after something- something he didn't have the last time. And it's in the Department of Mysteries."
"Harry! Please, just listen!" Hermione exclaimed. Harry turned around. "What if Voldemort meant for you to see this? He's only hurting Sirius to get to you and Becca? Why does he want you, Becca?"
"I don't know." Becca lied.
"What if he is? Am I supposed to let him die? Hermione, he's the only family I've got left!" Harry yelled.
"So what do we do?" Ron asked.
"We have to use the Floo network." Harry said.
"But Umbridge has the chimneys under surveillance." Hermione pointed out as they ran up the stairs.
"Not all of them!"
Harry pointed his wand at the lock on Umbridge's lock. "Alohomora. " They walked in and Ron closed the door.
"I'll keep watch." Becca said, taking out the invisibility cloak. "Two knocks!"
"Hey, where-" Becca disappeared and the door opened and closed.
Harry hurried over to the fireplace and through floo powder in large green flames and got down on his hands and knees. "Alert the Order if you can."
" Are you mental? We're going with you!" Ron explained.
"No, it's to dangerous." There was a light quick tap-tap that went unheard.
"When are you going to get it through you head? We're in this together!" Hermione bent down beside him.
"That you are!" Umbridge said, angry.
Malfoy came through the door holding a struggling Neville. Becca, still invisible, slipped in.
"Caught this one trying to help the Weasley girl." Malfoy smirked. Becca let out a sob.
"You where going to Dumbledore, weren't you?" Umbridge asked.
"No," Harry answer. Umbridge lashed out slapping Harry.
"Liar," she whispered.
"You sent for me," Snape said as he came in.
"Snape, yes! The time has come for answers. Weather they want to be given or not. Have you brought the veritaserum?"
"I'm afraid you've used up all of my stores interrogating students. The last of it on Miss Chang." There was silence. "Unless you wish to poison him and I assure you I would have the greatest sympathy if you did. I cannot help you." Snape began to leave.
"He's got Padfoot. He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden." Harry said.
"Padfoot? What is Padfoot? Where what is? What is he talking about, Snape"
"No idea." Snape looked at Harry and left.
"Very well. You give me no choice, Potter. As this is a issue of Ministry security you leave me with no alternative. The Cruciatus Curse ought to loosen your tongue."
"But that's illegal!" Hermione cried.
"What Fudge doesn't know won't hurt him." She said flipping over his picture on his desk. Umbridge raised her wand.
"Tell her, Harry!" Hermione shouted.
"Tell me what?"
"Well if you won't tell her where it is, I will!"
"Where what is?"
"Dumbledore's secret weapon." Hermione admitted.
Umbridge followed them out. As soon as the door closed. Becca started crying. She through off the cloak and charged at Draco.
"How could you?" Becca screamed. "How could you lie to me?"
"Becca! I-I-I!" Draco stuttered.
"Just shut up! We are over." Becca disappeared under the cloak and poked her wand out- immobilizing Draco. Chaos broke out as spells were fired toes were stamped and noses were broken. Becca slipped up to Gryffindor Tower and watched Umbridge disappear into the forbidden forest. Around 10 minutes later Harry and Hermione ran out of the forest without her. Becca saw them meet Ginny and the others on the bridge. They headed for the Thestrals and minutes later took off. Becca grabbed her broom and jumped out her window. Minutes later she caught up to Harry.
"Right behind, you!" To Becca the trip seemed to take forever. They landed and in no time they were in the Department of Mysteries. waling through the isles of prophecies.
"92... 93... 94..... 95." Harry stopped and turned around. "He should be here." Harry hurried over.
"Harry, it's got your name on it." Neville said looking at a prophecy. Harry reached out and grabbed the sphere.
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches. And the Dark Lord shall mark him as his equal, but he shall have power the dark lord knows not. For neither can live while the other survives." A hoarse voice whispered.
"Harry!" Ginny yelled. A Death Eater walked towards them. Harry walked out in front and they drew their wands.
"Where's Sirius?" Harry asked.
"You need to learn the difference," the Death Eater drew his wand," between dreams," the Death Eater passed his wand over his face and his mask dissolved,"and reality." Lucius Malfoy finished. "You saw only what the Dark Lord wanted you to see. Now hand me the Prophecy."
"Don't do it, Harry. He'll kill us anyway. He can't be trusted, just like his son."
"Ah, Miss Grimham. The traitor. Did you come back for more pain?"
"I'm only here because Draco lied to me and he's dirty, filthy poser."
"If you do anything to us I'll break it." Harry growled. A loud screeching laugh came from behind Lucius. Bellatrix La Strange walked up behind him.
"He knows how to play. Itty bitty baby Potter."
"Bellatrix La Strange!" Neville gasped.
"Longbottom, is it? How's mom and dad?"
"Better now their about to be avenged." Neville pointed his wand at her.
"Everybody just calm down." Lucius said. "All we want is that prophecy."
"Why did Voldemort want me to come and get this?"
"You dare speak his name you filthy half-blood!" Bellatrix screamed. Lucius silenced her.
"It's all right he's just a curious lad. Aren't you? Prophecies can only be retrieved about those who they are made. Which is lucky for you!" More death Eaters walked down all the halls blocking off all escape. "Haven't you always wondered what was the reason for the connection between you and the Dark Lord? Hum? Why he was unable to kill you when you where just a infant? Don't you want to know the secret," Lucius was walking closer and closer with Bellatrix behind him, "of your scar? All the answers are there, Potter, in your hand. All you half to do is give it to me and I can show you everything." Lucius reached out.
"I've waited 14 years."
"I know."
"I guess I can wait a little longer. Now!" Harry yelled.
"Stupefy!" They yelled. Death Eaters disappeared, but some weren't quick enough. They ran through the rows only to be stopped by Lucius. They doubled back. Luna ran into a different Death Eater and was thrown to the ground.
"Levicorpas!" She cried. The Death Eater flew back. Luna got up and ran through the halls until she found Neville.
"Petrificus Totalus." Neville yelled.
"Good job, Neville." Luna said. She lead him away.
Harry, Ron and Hermione came out into a hall. Two Death Eaters appeared.
"Stuplify." Harry yelled. One disappeared and they continued running. The other came after them. Hermione waved her wand and prophecies fell down on him. They ran into Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Becca. All of the Death Eaters started to appear in the hall. Ginny stepped forward.
" Regalco!" She said. A bright light exploded and prophecies began to ran down. The shelves holding them began to fall. They started to back up. Neville stood there, frozen. Luna ran forward and grabbed him.
"Get back to the door!" Harry yelled. They ran through the halls and jumped through the door. Then they where falling. A foot from splatting on the floor they stopped and hovered before dropping to the ground. They were in a large circler room with high walls all around. A lone arch with rippling cloth sat in the middle. They began to get up.
"Department of Mysteries. Got that a bit right didn't they." Ron said. Harry walked toward the Arch.
"Voices, can you tell what they're saying?"
"There aren't any voices, Harry." Hermione said. "Lets get out of here."
"I hear them, too." Luna said.
"Me, too," Becca whispered.
"Harry, it's just a empty archway." Hermione said, scared. "Please, Harry!" Harry heard Death Eaters coming.
"Get behind me!" Harry yelled. Ron, Ginny, Becca, Hermione, Luna, and Neville ran behind him and readied their wands. Death Eaters swooped down in a confusing wave of black. Harry fell to the ground clutching the orb. The Death Eaters whooshed away and Harry was the only one on the rock. Harry stood up. Each Death Eater had one of Harry's friends. They struggled and wiggled to get out of their grip. Behind Harry Lucius Malfoy laughed. He was grabbing Becca by her thick, wavy black hair. Her green eyes watered in pain.
"Did you actually believe or were you truly naive enough to think that children stood a chance against us?" Lucius threw Becca down and pointed his wand at her. "I'll make this simple for you, Potter. Give me the Prophecy now... or watch your friends die."
"Don't Harry! I'd rather die than give them a chance. They will kill us anyway."
"Crucio!" Lucius yelled. Becca screamed as her body thrashed about.
"Stop!" Harry yelled. Lucius stopped and looked at him.
"Don't give it to him, Harry!" Neville yelled.
"Shhh." Bellatrix hissed. Harry placed the small orb in his hands. There was a bright light and Sirius appeared.
"Leave alone Becca and my god son." Sirius punched Lucius. Lucius and the orb went flying. The orb shattered on a rock. There were several other white lights as the Members of the Order of the Phoenix flew apparated. The white lights flew into the Death Eaters knocking them away. Tonks, Moody, Aliaster, Lupin and several others appeared. A Death Eater attacked Harry, Sirius, and Becca. Sirius pulled them around to the other side of the arch.
"Now listen to me. I want you to take the others and get out." Sirius commanded Harry and Becca.
"What?" Harry asked. "No, I'm staying with you."
"You've done beautifully. Now let me take it from here." Lucius Malfoy and two other Death Eaters appeared and started to attack them. Becca picked up her wand. Harry, Becca, and Sirius fought back. Becca knock her Death Eater unconscious. Sirius knocked Harry's off of the rock.
"Expelliarmus." Harry shot at Lucius.
"Nice one, James!" Sirius yelled. Sirius blasted Lucius off of the rock. Bellatrix appeared on the rock.
"Avada Kedavra." She screamed. The green light hit Sirius in the chest. Bellatrix's laughter exploded in the room. Sirius fell back into the Veil.
"No!" Harry screamed. Lupin wrapped his arms around him stopping him. Becca ran forward at Bellatrix, screaming. Bellatrix laughed and slipped through a door.
Draco appeared before Becca as she ran. Harry's cloak fell from his shoulders. He caught Becca and she fell into a sobbing heap on his shoulder.
Harry escaped Lupin's grip and charged at Bellatrix.
Becca and Draco followed Hermione and the others into the room where Harry was. They watched him talk to Dumbledore in Voldemort's voice and gasped in horror when Voldemort appeared. All around ministry workers appeared in the fire places. All gasped in horror. Voldemort disappeared.
"He's back." Minister Fudge gasped.
The newspaper was buzzing about the return of You-know-who. The minister was to resign and Umbridge was suspended.
Becca came into the room as Harry was packing.
"You have a right to know," She said, " after all we've been through. Now that Sirius... has... has... has passed. Sirius is a very dear friend to me he raised me for nearly ten months before he was sent to Askaban. My father died 2 months after I was born. My mother died of grief. It was Dumbledore took me in. He found me in a orphanage in London. He started training me when I turned 9. He said that I couldn't go to Hogwarts because I knew him too well. Because I knew his strengths and weaknesses. I was like he knew something was coming." Becca laughed a little. "Then one day Dumbledore told me about you. I remember him calling you the Chosen One and the Boy who lived. He put so much effort into those stories. It made me feel as if he was trying to teach me that I could defeat the darkness and defy all things evil. I just fall apart when I see Draco." Becca sighed." For years I asked to go to Hogwarts. This year I got to. Dumbledore made me use my real last name. My real name is Rebecca May Grimham." Becca finished.
"So what does that make us?" Harry asked. Becca nodded and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Friends." She smiled.
Becca walked down the stairs to the Great Hall for the feast. Someone grabbed her shoulder. She turned. Draco's face was serious.
"Becca, we need to talk."
Draco and Becca rounded the corner.
"Which side are you on?" He asked.
"Neither. I...."
"Why were you fighting for Potter then?"
"I... I... I was confused and angry. I was angry at you, because you lied to me about something that was really important to me. I was mad at your father for hurting me and making me act like I acted. I'm actually adopted. Sirius was a close friend. He was the closest person I had to parents the first year of my life. I only had photographs and my mom's locket." Tears fell from Becca's eyes. Draco wiped them away. "I'm on neither side. I will never hurt someone on your side unless I am attacked and I will never swap information. You have my word, Draco." She turned and disappeared around the corner.
Becca sat across from Dumbledore.
"What you did foolish and erratic. You could have been killed." Dumbledore said calmly. Becca nodded. "I am sending you to the Weasleys for the summer."
"I understand, but I trust Draco. He saved my life more than once."
"That's not the point. Someone is trying to use you to get to me and if I die in this battle they will want you. I will be sending you to different households to protect you. You must not be found by them. If you are it won't be good."
Becca, Harry, Ron, and Hermione to the train.
"I've been thinking about something that Dumbledore said to me."
"What's that?" Hermione asked.
"That even though we got a fight ahead of us we have one thing that Voldemort doesn't have."
"Yeah?" Ron said.
"Something worth fighting for."
"Oh, come here, Dear." Mrs. Weasley gathered Becca in her arms at the train station. "We got Dumbledore's letter. Your welcome any time."
The End

More to come soon...
Harry Potter and the Quest
The Writers

Death is just life's next big adventure.
J. K. Rowling
  





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Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:17 pm
baby096 says...



I like the idea of adding a new character, but I didn't completely understand it. Becca? Was she supposed to have the same gift as Harry? Or was she taking his place. Also, there are tons of gramatical and spelling errors in this piece. With a few revisions and more transitions, this could be a really good piece. best of luck to you.
  





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Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:51 pm
sara13 says...



There where many spelling mistakes and I got a little confused when you would suddenly skip to another scene without even ending the last one. I liked how you made Becca like Draco and I expected her to go to Harry :wink:
If you want to re-create a story I think you should add your own taste and words to it. You sort off just just added a character and new emotions and cut the story down from chapters to paragraphs. I could tell you rushed it. Don't worry, I do that too when I'm exited and I want my story to get somewhere. :roll:
I'm so happy that you liked your story. That is very important. I also think that you should open up you're story with a bang and then continue with slowing down the explosion and then another explosion. Are you following me? :?:
Anyways. It needs work and stuff but I'm happy you liked it. That means you'll do allot of great work. I didn't hate it... but I didn't like it either. But that dosn't mean you should stop writing! Keep writing and good luck! :D

Sara
  





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Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:30 am
brassnbridle says...



Your story and characters are flat- nobody seems to say or do anything with any emotion. Also, I know the fifth book is long, but its very confusing when you skip around and only write the parts of the story you want to write. I've read harry potter several times and still had a hard time keeping up. At the very least you need to put in a transition sentence so we know when your jumping to a different time or character.
For this reason, Becca confuses me. I don't understand her, and therefore really don't feel any reason to care what happens to her. It would help if you got us inside her head, so we know something about her or have a reason to sympethize with her. Its hard to understand- if she's just some new girl at hogwarts and goes home for the holidays with the malfoys, why does the order of Phoenix care and why is everyone apparicating back and forth? maybe I missed something, but none of this made sense to me.

Hermione came through the door of the common rooms and sat down beside Harry.
"Guess who I caught snogging in the halls. Malfoy and Becca! I haven't seen Malfoy that happy in a while. They just meant(should be met), too! "

Becca looked into Draco's eyes.
"I haven't been this happy in a while." He said. Becca nodded. "You make me feel complete. I love you, Becca. I just hope my parents approve of us. I want you to meet them over Christmas." Becca nodded. Malfoy hugged her and kissed her softly.
Harry spotted Becca in the back of the crowd at Hog's Head in front of her stood Cho Chang. Harry stood.
" I'm not going to talk about Cedric. If that's why your here you mind as well clear out now." Harry looked back at Cho. "Come on, Hermione. Let's get out before they think I'm some sort of freak." Harry whispered to Hermione.
"Wait." She whispered.
"Is it true you can produce a patronus charm?" Luna Lovegood asked. Harry was speechless.
"Yes." Hermione said. "I've seen it."

With no warning, you go from Ron, Hermione, and Harry gossiping, to third person Becca and her time with Malfoy, then Harry materializes and starts talking about Cedric. It wasn't until several lines later that I figured out this was that first D.A. meeting.

I think you've got a great idea in adding your own character, you just need to explain yourself better.You know what you mean and how it's supposed to work, and that's often the hardest part, you just need to add details and transactions to help us follow and keep up, as we have no clue what you have in mind until you tell it. I'm sorry if i sound harsh, because I'm trying to help- I just got lost a lot.
And good luck!
If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.~Toni Morrison

It is written in m life-blood, such as that is, thick or thin; I can do no other~ Tolkien
  





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Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:21 pm
TheWriters says...



I see what you guys mean. I never would have caught that! Thanks for all of your help. I can't wait for the seventh movie! :D :elephant:
The Writers

Death is just life's next big adventure.
J. K. Rowling
  





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Fri Nov 13, 2009 4:14 am
Fruits_Basket99Tohru says...



Your story was exciting and had an interesting twist--thumbs up to you!
However, it was somewhat hard to understand--I noticed a lot of spelling and grammatical errors.
And I think I'd like to know a bit more about Becca; it was cool that you drew some of the information out and revealed more of her past right at the end. That's part of the reason why I kept reading.
So, good job. If you make the story easier to understand, you will have done great.
Liked the story--if you write another one let me know. :D
"We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you."
--Fruits Basket Book 1, page 134

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