Young Writers Society

Sweeney_Todd : Thanks, I tried to keep them in character...

Jadeite : Merci

x-tears-x : Hahaha, I think that's the best review so far. I love being completely bonkers.

Bluefairy: Thankee

teenweirdo : Thank you

vamplord12 : Oh, thanks...but yeah I don't think this'll be continued... but never say never I guess.

It's..interesting. One thing I think you really excelled at here is describing how Sirius felt and saw the apple-the rubbery skin, etc.

I was wondering...why would someone put fire whisky in a wine cellar?

At first, it made no sense to me that he had the best apple ever, and then threw it away. That one sentence threw me off so much that I didn't read on, and I pondered it for about thirty whole seconds before getting to the next sentence. Another thing...Why would the sweet taste of apple be too much and the firewhisky, he being fine to drink most of the bottle?

Other than that, good job on all else.

Very good. I liked how you showed the character. Good writing too!

I like this, I think you should definatly write more.... and then PM me when you do
I really like the way you wrote this, good work
xxxx

Interesting idea for a short story. The immediate intro briefly reminded me of the Matrix. Kinda funny to see all that for just a 'bloody apple' as Sirius so humorously puts it at the end of your story. Nice how he washes something down that was apparently too sweet with Fire Whisky, makes you wonder what it tastes like.

hello...

i am a fan of harry potter too, and i think you did a good job with this one.
i wish i can write a fanfiction with harry potter but i don't have time.

it is well-written, and i notice you used deep words...
although it's simple, it's nice.

Funny! I like the way it shows that sirus is so bored that he is deciding which apple would be better to eat. Hilarious. You have really good writing skills; I didn't notice any mistakes or anything. You should continue on with it some. (even though it would just be about an apple.

Thanks guys. I completely forgot this existed, it was posted almost two years ago I think. Wow.


Thanks for the comments anyways.

-Maggie