Bloody Apple

VivelaMusique · 2008-03-17T22:08:49Z

Disclaimer: Obviously I hold no claim to these characters. JK owns all. And I've posted this a couple other places (HPANA etc) so if it looks familiar don't freak out! ;) Hehe. Sirius Black had a choice to make. The red apple or the green? He silently wondered how his life had dwindled down to only fragments of what it used to be. Not that long ago an average day included things from the extravagant to the ordinary, but never had it been this mundane. He picked up the red apple in his left hand and threw it into his right, to free it to lift the other fruit. Sirius weighed them like a balance scale in his palms before deciding that the green was the clearly the superior apple. He placed the other in a bowl with the rest of the fruit. Sirius took his time bringing the apple to his mouth; he liked the nice rubbery feel of the skin and the almost perfect sphere shape. He let his fingers run over the stem and the one small bruise before finally taking a fleshy bite. Juice spurt from it and ran down his chin giving a nostalgic feeling of being about five years old and letting his pumpkin juice leak from the corners of his mouth. He gruffly wiped his face on a raggedy sleeve of his bathrobe and bitterly decided that this apple was possibly the best damn apple he’d ever had. He went to the rubbish bin by the kitchen’s table and spit it out, followed quickly by the unfinished Granny Smith. The sweet taste was too much for him to handle after so many meals-gone-sour. He savored the irony for a moment before he went to a small wine cooler next to the bowl of fruit only to take out an unopened bottle of fire whiskey and popping it open. He proceeded to drink almost three quarters of the bottle in about a half of an hour until his malnourished body passed out and his head banged hollowly on the kitchen table. “ Sirius ?” Remus sighed with disgust at his friends’ slack body and the spittle on his chin and table. “What were you -?” Sirius stirred fleetingly, “Bloody apple…” ---- Thoughts?

VivelaMusique

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Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:05 pm

VivelaMusique says... · Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:05 pm

Sweeney_Todd : Thanks, I tried to keep them in character...

Jadeite : Merci

x-tears-x : Hahaha, I think that's the best review so far.

I love being completely bonkers.

Bluefairy: Thankee

teenweirdo : Thank you :wink:

vamplord12 : Oh, thanks...but yeah I don't think this'll be continued... but never say never I guess.

"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
-Voltaire

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Moving Forward

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Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:21 pm

Moving Forward says... · Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:21 pm

It's..interesting. One thing I think you really excelled at here is describing how Sirius felt and saw the apple-the rubbery skin, etc.

I was wondering...why would someone put fire whisky in a wine cellar?

At first, it made no sense to me that he had the best apple ever, and then threw it away. That one sentence threw me off so much that I didn't read on, and I pondered it for about thirty whole seconds before getting to the next sentence. Another thing...Why would the sweet taste of apple be too much and the firewhisky, he being fine to drink most of the bottle?

Other than that, good job on all else.

---insert signature here---

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Ross

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Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:49 pm

Ross says... · Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:49 pm

Very good. I liked how you showed the character. Good writing too!

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Dark Eyed Pixie

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Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:07 pm

Dark Eyed Pixie says... · Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:07 pm

I like this, I think you should definatly write more.... and then PM me when you do

I really like the way you wrote this, good work
xxxx

Meet me here beneath the burning skies....

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Haimerej

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Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:43 am

Haimerej says... · Mon Aug 03, 2009 4:43 am

Interesting idea for a short story. The immediate intro briefly reminded me of the Matrix. Kinda funny to see all that for just a 'bloody apple' as Sirius so humorously puts it at the end of your story. Nice how he washes something down that was apparently too sweet with Fire Whisky, makes you wonder what it tastes like.

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darkangel_05

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Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:15 am

darkangel_05 says... · Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:15 am

hello...

i am a fan of harry potter too, and i think you did a good job with this one.
i wish i can write a fanfiction with harry potter but i don't have time.

it is well-written, and i notice you used deep words...
although it's simple, it's nice.

Sometimes B sharp,
Never B flat,
Always B natural.

I love writing songs and listening to music and books and daydreaming and coffee at five in the morning.

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taytay0939

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Fri Aug 07, 2009 4:24 pm

taytay0939 says... · Fri Aug 07, 2009 4:24 pm

Funny! I like the way it shows that sirus is so bored that he is deciding which apple would be better to eat.

Hilarious. You have really good writing skills; I didn't notice any mistakes or anything. You should continue on with it some. (even though it would just be about an apple.

Faerie world, a secret place
Where wing-ed things dwell
Ones from heaven, ones from hell.
Beware the consequences.
Don't you wrong them as you greet
And open all your senses.
Many rules have to be obeyed.
Break any...and in Faerie you stay

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VivelaMusique

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Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:46 pm

VivelaMusique says... · Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:46 pm

Thanks guys. I completely forgot this existed, it was posted almost two years ago I think. Wow.

Thanks for the comments anyways.

-Maggie

"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
-Voltaire

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