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Young Writers Society


The Cave (HP and the HBP fanfic)



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Gender: Male
Points: 1155
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Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:01 am
chasingcolts21 says...



So, hello, everyone.
As some of you know, I am Colt/Ryan. I haven't been on much lately, I'm sorry. A lot of bad things have been happening this summer. And I've been really busy. I'm trying to be more active, and I still have not posted June's present yet. /fail

And, June, if you read this, I will either PM you the belated present or post it tomorrow, mkay? I have a few errors to fix on it. So, I plan to make it for the radio show this time xD

Anyways, I'm not very confident in my writing, so please don't be too harsh...In fact, I think I suck as a writer, which is why I should post more and I need your help. Some of you may know I'm an HP fanatic, because, well, I am. xD Basically this is just a fanfic of Harry Potter entering the cave the Horcrux is in, but with Jason and Jared instead of Harry and Dumbledore. And for the Horcrux defenses, I know they are crappy and cheesy, but this was written a few years ago when I had no brain and lack of creativity, and it was also written very early in the morning. I found this in one of my old binders last week, so I thought it would be interesting to post with the movie recently coming out. So tips and reviews would be greatly appreciated. Despite the cheesiness, I love this piece a lot. Thanks for reading <3

Also, feel free to PM me about this, if you have questions or concerns. xD
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Cautiously, Jason Purcell turned. He felt like he was being squeezed to pulp under all the pressure of the apparition. He could not breathe; the invisible bands were suffocating him too much, compressing together every inch of his body. Jason felt like he was about to scream as loud as a banshee when finally he was released into cool, salty air. Seconds after Jason’s arrival, another male figure appeared, gasping for air like he was. Jason immediately recognized the male figure as his friend, Jared. As he peered into the darkness, his eyes adjusted gradually. The only source of light in the dark skies was tiny, feeble stars. The sky was immensely dark here. Darker and colder than most places he has ever been. Memories danced around in his head; he dreamed of warm nights snuggled up safely in Gryffindor tower…

Jason could distinctly smell salt and hearing pounding, rushing waves that crashed onto rock. Jason and Jared stood together on a huge outcrop of rock, with water not far and churning below them. Glancing around him hastily, he noticed several more jagged rocks standing out of the cliff behind them. Jason figured there might be a few below them as well.

“Wow, what a nice vacation spot!” Jared grumbled sarcastically, snickering a bit at his joke.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get going before we get caught,” Jason whispered, getting more worried every second they were standing there. Jason pulled out his long skinny wand comprised of a core of Hag Hair and made up of Holly. It was approximately ten inches in length. He moved his wand in front of him, ready to cast a spell if need be. They ambled towards the edge of the rock, discovering a series of asperous niches leading down to a cave half-submerged into the courageous water. The lower they climbed down, the more treacherous and slippery the cliff was.

Simultaneously, they whispered, “Lumos!” Their wands lit; Jason left wand arm lit up and Jared’s right wand arm lit up from their wands, dispersing the light around their surroundings. It seemed as if a fissure rose from the light of their wands, as it didn’t appear there a second ago. Jason grimaced, not looking forward to going into an unknown fissure. He sucked it up. He plunged into icy water; his water-boggled clothes weighed him down as he swam towards a faint glow in the distance. His mind proceeded to ponder what this light could be. What if it’s a trap? Jason thought. He could be there waiting for us. We’d be screwed. He shrugged the thought away, and continued swimming. The fissure slowly opened into a dark tunnel. The slimy tunnel walls were not more than three feet apart. Not far in the fissure, the passageway curved to the left, extending deep into the cliff. As they passed farther and farther through the tunnel, it began to steadily get shallower. Now Jason could feel rough, wet rock brush against his numb fingers. He finally began to rise himself out of the water and onto steps that lead into an enormous cave.

They were standing in the middle of a cave, eager and nervous for what lay ahead. We’re here, now what? Jason thought. As if Jared had read his mind, Jared replied, “This is only a mere antechamber, nothing is hidden here. It’s obvious. Let’s continue on.” The two of them passed through the antechamber and came across a door. As Jared was open to grab hold of the door, Jason pulled his arm away. “You should think be you act, Jared.” Jason lectured him, sighing. “Anything and everything could be jinxed. You never know what could be behind that door.”

Jared rolled his eyes, waving his wand to open the door instead. It didn’t budge. Jared look bewildered for a second, before realizing it was the first part of the protection to Voldemort’s Horcrux.

Jared took a deep breath, grasping the doorknob in one hand and his wand in the other. As his hand touched the door knob, a bolt of electricity shot through him and the door opened. Jared gasped blatantly. He crashed to the ground, and Jason rushed immediately towards him. Jason waved his wand, casting ever healing and repairing spell he knew. “Rennervate! Episkey! Finite! Reparo!” When he finished, Jared still felt the pain, but was much better due to Jason’s timely help.

“We must continue on, no matter how much pain I am in, I will live.” Jared mumbled nervously, attempting to stand up again with Jason’s help. They approached the next room carefully, Jason trying to protect his best friend from whatever lay next.

The next room was like a hallway. It was not as wide as the previous room, but it was a bit bigger than the tunnel they were previously in. They perked their eyes and ears, waiting for something to happen. Nothing happened. As they strolled halfway through the hallway, shards of glass began to rain down upon them from the darkness above.

“PROTEGO!” Jared shouted through his pain, gritting his teeth afterwords. It really was a trap, Jason thought. The ground below them began to rumble and shake. Another fissure appeared, and they jumped down into it. He heard Jared scream and then everything went black.


Jason woke up to see Jared tending to a few wounds from the glass pierced into him in places. “Where are we?” Jason asked his friend.

“Oh, we’re in that fissure. I decided to have us get some rest before we continued on our expedition.” Jared replied feebly.

“How long have I been asleep?” Jason asked.

No reply.

“How long?” Jason repeated, irritation mounting inside him.

“Oh…not long. Just an hour or so.” Jared said, handing him a piece of chocolate, “Eat this, it’s from Honeydukes.” Jason snatched it from him, his hunger taking over him. He didn’t really care about being rude at that moment. He didn’t even stop to interrogate him about how he got the chocolate.

Not long after, they set foot again, continuing through the new fissure they were stuck in. There’s no going back now, Jason thought, frowning slightly. So far, they were no more traps yet. That was a good sign. Jason was surprised at how well he felt and how well Jared seemed to be. Jared was near death earlier…so how is he moving on his own. I had to have been asleep longer than longer than one hour...

That’s when he noticed Jared gasp of relief. A simple, lonely trunk embraced with shadows lay in front of them. But something was different. It had a green glow around it, and most non-dark items don’t glow. He squinted and also noticed the Dark Mark upon the trunk. What if you had to have a Dark Mark to get in? Jason panicked, his heart beating faster.

He whipped out his wand, tapping the trunk. Nothing happened. Could it really be that easy? Just open it and find the Horcrux, would that be it? That easy? Jason decided to push his fears aside and take the risk. There is only one way to find out, he thought. Jason clutched the top of the trunk and opened it. Jason flew backward, crashing into a cliff wall hidden in the darkness. Jared shouted some spell, and something bright appeared. He couldn’t hear anything at all. Nothing. Did he lose his hearing? He felt his ears. They were still there. See, you worry too much, Jason thought. But still no hearing came after Jared’s spell. All he seen was spells and objects rushing around and flying past him, and they were moving too swift and fast for him to determine what they were. The air grew ever colder and more despair lingered into the cave.

“Jared, help, I-I can’t hear anything at all!” Jason cried out.

No response.
More flashes of light.

He felt for his wand, finally finding it a few inches from him. Jason lifted himself up, using the cliff to support himself. Jason sighed, looking around. It was total darkness now. “Lumos!” Jason whispered, his wand igniting with light. The room grew real bright, and he seen a horrific sight. Jared was being pelted by a massive swarm of Dementors, Lethifolds, and Boggarts.

“NO!” Jason screamed, and the creatures began to approach him. “EXPECTO PATRONUM! DIE! DIE! DIE!” A lamenting, yet graceful, silver phoenix erupted from Jason’s wand, charging the Lethifolds and Dementors away. The Boggarts began to take the form of Jared and a girl named Melissa, dieing, as it was his greatest fear. He cared about his best friend more than anyone except a girl he was in love with and wanted to marry. “Riddikulus!” He casted, sending the fake dead bodies away from him.

Jason ran over to his friend, sobbing over him. He couldn’t hold back the tears, he wasn’t going to deny it. He was dead…and that was it. It was all my fault. Jason thought, sobbing ever harder. And then Jared coughed, blood pouring out of his mouth as well. He was alive! Jason waved his wand, thinking, Episkey! Jared slowly began to breathe normal. Jason screamed and cried of happiness.

Jared smiled back at him, “Get it out of the trunk before they get back here, hurry!” Jason instantly bolted over to the trunk and snatched a locket from the bottom of the trunk. He slammed the trunk shut, locking the hinges tight. Jared ran up to him and hugged him tightly. They had lived! Both of them!

An important, serious question popped into his head that he had to know. “Jared, how are you alive?” Jason inquired inquisitively.

“I don’t know how, but you healed me.”

What? How? Maybe it has something to do with my Patronus, it’s a phoenix…that's a very rare Patronus to have...”

“I dunno, but that’s really great!”

And together the two friends exited the cave anxiously through the way they came, happier than they were before they entered the cave. They now had one of Lord Voldemort’s horcruxes, and they were one step closer to defeating him forever.
"We would accomplish many more things if we didn't think of them as impossible." Vince Lombardi

~You've just been ticketed by the Grammar Police! 1000 word essay fine.
  





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144 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 11482
Reviews: 144
Sun Aug 02, 2009 7:46 pm
GoldenQuill says...



Finally Aden's posted something on YWS!!
You don't mind nitpicks, do you?
“You should think be you act, Jared.” Jason lectured him

Did you mean to say something like, 'You should think before you act, Jared'? This, to my undeveloped mind, is very confusing. ^.^
continued on our expedition.” Jared

Put a comma after 'expedition'.
Jared was near death earlier…so how is he moving on his own.

Question mark at the end. ^.^
All he seen was spells and objects rushing around and flying past him,

All he saw.

Yay!
Okay, now, first off, let me tell you how great this peice was. It really was great. You described feeling, and thought, and except for a few you answered all the questions I had. My only question is: How old are these kids? At first I was thinking one of them like Dumbledore, the other like Harry, but as I read it, I discovered they were best friends. Anyway. How old are they? And, remember to make them speak like their age. Your dialogic is great, except if they're too young to speak that way. Except for the very end. That was good kid dialogic. ^.^

As I said before, it was great. I really enjoyed it. I hope to be seeing more of your work on here!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy
formerly ZlyWilk

Finally achieving my dreams. Dive into a unique horror story.
  








If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems