Cowboy Ballad

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Dreamin’


Bounty hunter since 12 years old
I can’t remember the last time I felt my right hip with out a pistol
The cold hard but of my pistol against the warm side of my palm
Gun slingin’ is all I ever knew
It wont surprise me in the least if I buck out in smoke
In fact, that’s the only way I see myself goin’
My left eye is blind
It only sees the past
Memories
Incidents
Dreams
Nightmares
All twisted up into one single puddle
Between the barrel of a glass eye

I never knew what love was
Till that one god forsaken afternoon
I’d just finished finding my way back far from the saloon
I lay watchin’ the sunset ‘side my horse
The sun cast a silhouette against a figure before me
Long flowing hair blocked my sight
The calico before me was no regular gal
She wore a deep maroon sundress that blew with the wind
Justin’s fit her feet well
In the pit of her hand she held a sharp’s rifle
It pointed strait at me
And it was that single moment in time
Time stood still
A smirk rooted to her face, she said “mighty fine game”.
And that was the beginning of my dream




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This is really good. It keeps me wondering whats going to happen next. Your description is also very good. This piece just flows.
°o.OHolly.JeanO.o°




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Gosh, this poem is entertaining!

I love the way you've altered the language to make it so uniquely coyboy, and I think you've really succeeded. Its such an oeiginal idea as well.

I also like the love and lighthearted comedy interwoven here, really makes for a good poem.

Keeep writing!




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Hey there!

I've never heard of this "Cowboy Bebop" before but I read the poem anyways. Not good at critiquing poetry but I noticed one thing:

Till that one god forsaken afternoon


God should be capitilized. I would think. But that's just me and I'm not even sure :?

I really enjoyed reading this though. You did a good job on this poem. I love ballads but you could use some puncuation in there like commas, or periods and semi-colons. You have a few but it could use more ^_^ It would improve.

Happy Writing!

Meadow
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"



If you can't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never find what you're looking for. Don't make things quick and easy to feel better short term. Make a change and then you'll feel better longer term.
— Frinderman