Young Writers Society

The following is a idea that came to me a couple days ago. I think it has potential how about you?


Its teeth were mingled. They were stained yellow and you could see the blood spots between its teeth. One couldn't believe their eyes. The look was disturbing.

I think this is posted in the wrong forum.
It sounds like a good idea, but I don't know enough about the 'idea' to know if I would like it or not. It has too much potential, the beast could be a monster, a rabid dog, or one of those confound vampires I have learned to hate so much.
You should write more, like say the prologue and chapter one.
Then post here.
Welcome to YWS though!

thenextwriter wrote:The following is a idea that came to me a couple days ago. I think it has potential how about you?


Its teeth were mingled. They were stained yellow and you could see the blood spots between its teeth. One couldn't believe their eyes. The look was disturbing.

OK, shifting suddenly to a second person perspective does not work well for this piece, no matter how short.

I do like the basic introduction of it though. I'll be looking in to see if you choose to take this one step further by turning it into a story.

LittlePetRock suggested some good ideas by the way. You might consider looking into those. But, you are the writer, so the choice is all up to you.

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Hi, PenNPaper here!
This is the shortest ever story part I have ever seen, just a sentence, this isn't exactly an idea, I don't even know what you're talking about. If you want people to comment on it, make it longer, or else there would be nothing to say about it. You need to work on this, maybe do the prologue first, we would have a better idea if you did.

Good luck and keep writing, all the best!

*moved to Fiction Discussion and Tips* You'll get more feedback here.

Hey there!

I agree that you need to expand on this a bit more to give us an idea of what you are going for here. The description seems like it could be cool, but with so little to go on, we have no idea what's happening. Expand a bit so we can give you more help?

Hi, Loveless here to review your little, mini story, passage...thing.

This was short, but it seems like a good opening to a story. The word teeth in the first sentences seemed forced and was tip-toeing on the edge of repetition. Try finding another words for teeth, or taking out the second use of the word teeth compleatly.
Yes, you should continue a story out of this opening. It would be a very interesting read.

Big kiss, class dismissed!
Muffins 'n' Machine Guns x)