Young Writers Society

Okay, so the beginning of the prologue is either this:

Waves battered a lone white building which stood along the coast of the Mediterranean. The outside walls were covered with sea salt, but the inside was covered with around an inch of dust and grime, for the scientists inside did not care about the conditions they worked in. They could hardly even hear the waves outside, due to the humming of the machinery inside the building itself.

or this:

A fierce storm had hit the coast again. This time even more aggressive than ever before. Thunder crashed and lightning lit up the sky. Wind buffeted and upturned trees. Rain fell in bucketfuls, forcing people living in the area to flee their homes. All, except for the inhabitants of a lone white-washed building. The huge waves battered it, plastering it with sea salt and yet, the scientists inside hardly noticed the terrible goings on of the outside. The hum of the machinery they were working on nearly blocked out all the noise, and they were too busy to notice it anyway.

Which do you think is the better one?
Thanks for the help

I agree with Rosey. The second seems to have better imagery and a more interesting wording.

Neither one catches my interest. I am wondering why exactly you're describing the weather when you can be telling us about the awesome stuff that the scientists are doing inside.

I think the second one. It has a lot of good description and has more feeling that the first. I don't think that Snoink is right in saying you should be telling us what the scientists are doing, leaving that as a question will make people want to read on and find out more.

I agree with Snoink, neither of the two really catch my eye. If I found something like that in a book, I'd be pretty bored. I'd recommend you start with a bang. I can't exactly describe it, but start with a thriller.

Is the weather an important plot point (the scientists' experiments are going to get flooded and stop working properly, causing havoc) or simply a way of setting the mood? If the weather is NOT an important plot point, you shouldn't spend a lot of time telling us about it.

"People doing things" is almost always the best way to catch our interest. Our brains are structured to pay special attention to other humans, over weather or animals or anything else. I'd suggest you start with the scientists (you don't have to tell us exactly what they're doing, but start with them) and then put in any other information you feel is necessary.

I personally liked the second one, as well. It just conveys the "fierceness" of the storm better and is much more ... let's say, appealing.

However, I also agree with Merricat. If the weather isn't important for the plot, you should not spend much time describing it and maybe start by describing what the scientists are doing.

Good luck!
MySunshine