Young Writers Society

I've been brainstorming a new story idea, but would appreciate some feedback and pointers. It's important to note that this stemmed from the idea of Orville Simpson's Victory City, however my plan is to create a dystopia out of his utopian vision. Here's what I've worked up thus far:

1. Many years from now, in the wake of technological advances and a push for better personal security, people have agreed to be implanted with a small electronic microchip, called an Integrated Detection System (IDS), which stores their personal identification information, banking and medical records, family history, and so forth.

2. The company behind this advancement, PARAGON Industries, also holds subsidiaries in multiple industries, including the agricultural, electric, construction and weapons manufacturing, making them a powerful conglomerate.

3. As an experiment, PARAGON Industries obtains permits to construct massive walled societies that can live independently from each other. Their vision is to create a self-sufficient economy within the United States that promotes growth and a safe, secure environment (the largest of these is Paradise City, and that is the setting of the story).

4. Years later, global war and outbreaks of plague threaten to tear the United States apart. The increased hyperinflation of paper money, aided by ongoing war and disease, lead to an economic collapse in society, which leads to civil unrest and mistrust in the US government to run their country.

5. When the economy collapses and the money system rendered useless, PARAGON Industries gathers its resources and offers a new form of currency--food, shelter, and other necessities in the form of monthly rations. With no means of purchasing these necessities and PARAGON Industries owning the vast majority of these resources, people begin to flock to these walled cities and the new economy takes hold.

6. After a time, with the populations of these societies quickly growing and no official governing system in place, PARAGON Industries begins to enforce laws for the "safety of the people", keeping order by way of their own militant police force--the Branchmen. To help curb violence and maintain order, the microchips (IDS) are used as a surveillance system (think Big Brother of the future).

I have this much thought out, along with the rations distribution, and of course there is a caste system determined by the type of job you hold. I do have a main character and her role in this society as well, but as of now I've become somewhat stuck on creating conflict. I'm thinking maybe a food shortage due to overpopulation that the people are unaware of and the company is trying to cover up? Experimentation would also be nice, maybe even psychics, but that might be too much all at once...

I'd greatly appreciate any thoughts/feedback/criticism/comments/ramblings/etc, especially about the plausibility of this type of society and on any potential conflicts that could arise!

It sounds like you're creating a sort of communism analogy, and I'd suggest you look into communism to really get this done well.

I'd also suggest you look into other important parts of social systems that are lacking from this post:

1- Health care
2- Elder care
3- Means of production (ie- who's farming and herding all these rations?)
4- Social norms
5- Religion
6- Families
7- How a person's value in society is determined (is it how productive they are? How intelligent they are? How helpful they are?)

Right now I'm looking at your world and going "where is the society?" You have a bunch of events and a very small amount of day to day life, but the nitty gritty of how people live is completely and totally missing. If you add that in, then you'll probably come up with a conflict much easier.

Thank you for your input, Rosey! I admit, this idea is far from finished and it most likely won't grow anymore than this. I've been going over some older works of mine and have decided to dust off the fantasy I had started four years ago, as this world has been given a conflict and a completed society with all the systems you've mentioned. My heart belongs with fantasy more so than science fiction, and I'm feeling more inspired than ever to complete this adventure.

Who knows, though, maybe I'll swing back to this idea sometime in the future. But nonetheless, I do appreciate your advice!

First of all, Rosey is onto something with the Communism analogy.
My #1 piece of advice to anyone attempting to write dystopian fiction is best illustrated by The Windup Girl, the winner of the 2010 Nebula and Hugo awards: Believable characters don't realize they're in a dystopia. It's just normal life, and they treat it as such.
Would you be willing to share some details on your protagonist? We may be able to provide insight on creating conflict.
Also, out of curiosity, over how many years do these events transpire? Seems like quite a bit going on, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I'm thoroughly impressed by how much thought you must have but into this world, even at such an early stage in the creative process. Good luck!

Just an fyi, everything I mentioned about society building applies to fantasy! Just because it's a made-up world instead of an evolution of the current one doesn't mean you can neglect sociology.