Young Writers Society

I was glad when nobody else came. My head was pounding, my body was aching, and I just couldn't stand the nurses high pitched, nasally voice.

Nurse Stone approached my bedside with a mini cup that had a few pills in it, and another cup with water. I didn't want it. They were pain relievers, but that made me tired, and I didn't want to sleep. The last time I did, I had a nightmare. It wasn't much of a nightmare, actually- Rupert disappearing up a set of stairs, me stumbling across a lawn, then a car coming out of nowhere and crashing into the side of my Ford Fiesta, sending me flying across the highway. Actually, I guess that wasn't even a nightmare. It was just a recap of what had happened to me while I was being stupid.

I reach out, take the mini cup and down the pills at once, washing it down with the water next. I shiver, then force a smile at the older woman, "Thanks. Did they say when I can leave?"

Ms. Stone nods, and tosses the cups in the trash before grabbing the clipboard from the foot of the bed, "You were released an hour ago, Dear, but nobody's come to pick you up. Your father got a call and had to leave, but he said to tell you he loves you."

Right. Of course. I wanted to cry then, because I was alone and I didn't remember everything that happened and I hated myself. I hated that I'd fallen for an unreachable guy. I hated that the girl I adored got him. I hated myself for letting him get her. I hated myself for getting involved. The tears were escaping my eyes before I could even process it, and I buried my face in the pillow as I heard the door open and close. Nurse Stone left me here. Didn't try an comfort me, nothing, but I was glad. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I couldn't be stuck here. I needed a ride home, but I didn't know who to call. The one time I need someone, and nobody's there. I sure know how to choose friends, don't I?

I wiped my cheeks furiously, determined to pull myself together, then reached over and grabbed the hospital phone, typed in Daf's number, and waited for her to pick up. Except, she didn't pick up. It rang, and rang, and rang, but there was no answer. Her voicemail came a minute later, and I hung my head in defeat.

"Hey, Dafnie," I sniffle, and shake my head. "I need a ride home from the hospital. Please call me."

I wanted my car. I wanted to feel the soft seats, I wanted to smell the Vanilla beam that had lingered in there from all the times I'd sprayed perfume on me, I wanted to see the coffee stain on the passenger side rug, I just wanted my car back. I wanted the two days that I'd spent in this place back.

I hung up the phone, but grabbed it again a second later, remembering another person who could pick me up. I typed in her number, sighed, then held the phone to my ear as it rang.

"Hello?" Her voice was sharp, loud, slightly edgy. She sounded as if she'd been crying, I thought.

"Isabelle?" I can't help but whimper. The only person that answered me was her, the girl I'd been fighting with for about 8 years. She was the only one. "I...I need a ride home. My dad had to leave, and...nobody else is picking up."

"Jessie? You what?" She was distracted- I'd probably interrupted something. Dammit. "Are you still at the hospital?"

I nod, but then realize she can't see me. My voice cracked when I answered with, "Yeah."

"I-would you hold on? I'm on the phone!" She paused, and somebody else said something to her that made her growl in frustration, and I almost considered hanging up. "You still there?"

"Yeah," I mumble, rubbing my forehead with my free hand as the door opens again and Nurse Stone holds up a bag that contained my things in it. I nod to her, then swing my legs over the side of the hospital bed and blink, "Can you come get me? If not, I can probably get ahold on someone else..."

"No, no, I'm on my way," She said, and I heard a door slam, then a car start a minute later. She sighed into the phone then said, "I'll be there in a few."

"Thanks," I say as I slump my shoulders, and after saying goodbye, I hang up. I'm relying on Isabelle to come and pick me up. Isabelle. I must've hit my head harder than I thought.

It wasn't long before there was another knock on my door, and Isabelle coming in after a second of me not answering.

"Hey," She looked like crap- and that wasn't me being rude. That was the nicest way to put it. Her hair was tied up in an extremely messy bun, she had on sweats that I'm pretty sure she was wearing the last time I saw her, and I could see little purple spots on her from where I was sitting. But, I'm pretty sure I looked worse than her. I hadn't even looked in the mirror since I was brought here.

I nod to her, and cradle my arm to my chest as I scoot out of the bed and grab the plastic bag containing my things.

"Is that all you have?" Isabelle asks, and I don't know why, but I feel as if she'd just insulted me.

"What else would I have? I got into a car wreck, Isabelle. A god damn car wreck. What the fuck do you except me to have?" I snap, twisting around to face her. I can feel my cheeks heating up, and I have to take a step back just to take in what I've just said. I expected Isabelle to snap back, maybe even slap me for the sarcasm, but she just stands there with a sad smile. "I-I'm sorry...I'm just..."

"I know. It's fine. Let's go, I'm supposed to be meeting up with a friend here in a bit," She says with a slight shrug, then opens the door behind her. "I'm taking you home, right?"

"Mhm," I murmur, following her out of the room. "Thanks...for this."

"Don't worry about it," She says lightly, "So, I'll take it we're not on for this weekend?"

I laugh, and shake my head, "Maybe next weekend."

"I can live with that."



I push open the doors of the Library, and glance around before ruffling a hand through my tangled hair and stepping into the almost-quiet building. It'd been three days since I'd left the hospital, and everything was ten times harder than I'd expected it to be. It was just a broken arm and sprained neck, but it felt like so much more. Maybe because it was more. Should I be out here, walking around with this brace? Wouldn't it be more safe if I got Val or someone else to get me the books I needed for the project? Probably.
I have to wander around the Library until I find the shelf that holds all of the books that have to do with the Great Depression, and once I reach the aisle, I have to lean against the closest wall to steady myself. I don't think I could ever get used to this plastic contraption.

I bite down on my tongue and push off of the wall, then begin walking down the rows of books. The one I was looking for was 'America's Great Depression' by Murray Rothbard. It was supposedly a great resource for Life during the Great Depression- or, that's what Collin told me.

I skimmed over the labels until I found the 'M' section, and I was surprised when I found three copies of the book I was looking for. I stare at the book for a second before I realize it's too high up for me to reach. Damn. Three rows above me. I could stand on the edge of the shelf, but that'd be too dangerous.

There's a tap on my shoulder after a second, and I nearly scream because I wasn't expecting it. I whip around, and when I see that the person is a girl, I become relieved. I don't know why, but knowing that it was a girl made me more comfortable. Less stressed.

I offer a polite smile and clench my bag in my hand, "Am I in your way?"

The girl smiles, and I feel like I know her. Like I've seen her before. Maybe I have. She looked young, and her smile offers youth, so she might go to Lincoln Prep. Probably.

She shakes her head, and her dark hair waves with her, framing her face perfectly. I can't help but feel jealous. She's beautiful, with a perfect complextion, long hair, and she was tall. She had all the qualities guys liked in a girl. Everything I didn't have. "Did you need help with something?"

I stare at the girl, my eyes trailing over her features, wondering why I couldn't be like her. It takes me a second to remember that she'd asked me something. I shake my head and let out a small laugh before looking up at the book and saying, "I can't reach the book. It sounds a bit pathetic, I know, but I'm scared to even try. Could you...can you get it for me, please?"

She gave a smile that could outshine the sun. "Of course I can. It's no problem."

With the ease and gracefulness I wish I had, she reached up and plucked the book from it's spot on the shelf and held it out to me. "Do you need anything else?"

I wanted to think of something else she could help me with, just so I wouldn't be alone, but she probably had business to attend to. I shake my head once and take the book from her hand, then offer a smile, "No, I'm good. Thanks, though. Um...I'm Jessie, by the way."

"My name is Hawthorne, but most people just call me Thorne or Rose," she shrugged. "Whatever you pick is fine. Are you sure you don't need anything else? It's really no problem."
"I..." I glance down at the book, then sigh, "Do you want to sit with me? I don't have anything to do, other than read."

"Me either." she smiles.

She was nicer than I expected. The two of us find a small table with two chairs pushed under it, and take our seats quietly. I feel a bit dizzy, but I figured that was the meds. I look up at Thorne and take her appearance in once more- perfect skin, perfect brows, perfect nose, perfect everything. I touch a hand to my face- there's still scratches from the wreck, and I probably looked like crap. It was weird, because most of the time when I was in a public place, people would stare, and some would ask what happened. But her? She acted as if nothing were wrong with me. I guess she was used it, though, since she was friends with Cole. Or, I think she is. I've seen them talk before, but what do I know?

Once I realize that I've been staring too long, again, I tear my eyes away, feeling my face heat up. Why do I always do that? Damn. Thorne only giggles quietly, and I find myself smiling because, well...because.

Dafnie Serena Leto

I had my headphones in and it was around morning, but I couldn't sleep. I had stood up all night, just thinking and remembering and forgetting.

It was easier to just lie there, forgetting. I wished someone could just give me a pill to forget all the bad times. I would be happy. I would forget.

Forget.

"Dafnie!" A yell ripped through my music.

I snapped my eyes open and looked round my room. No one was here, must be in another room. I pulled off my earbuds and sat up in my bed, feeling sleep hit my head. Everything seemed slower than usual as I got out, finding my way to my bedroom door. My eyes stung from the lack of sleep. I opened my door and walked down the hallway, finding my mother in the kitchen.

She was reading a book, a cup of fresh brewed coffee just next to her on the counter. She looked up, seeing me.

A smile grew on her face, "Dafnie, took you long enough to get up."

"I didn't really sleep," I admitted, letting my voice sound weak.

I couldn't even look at her, I felt her concern from a few feet away. I ran my hand on the back of my neck, knowing that she was just as lost as I was.

"Dafnie?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Just stress ma," I answered, convincingly looking into her eyes. "A lot of school work and stuff."

It took her a moment to take in my words, but she still looked worried, a crease between her eyebrows. I smiled, a small smile, but enough to let her release a small breath.

"I don't believe you, but you talk to me when you want to." she said. "Maybe talk to your brother? or Paul? He's your best friend." just at the mention of his name my stomach churned.

I shook my head and walked over to the fridge, looking into it for a moment, then, I shut the door back and faced my mother.

"It's Paul," she let some breath out before closing her book. "Dafnie, it must have been hard for him to even say anything to you. Give him a break. I'm sure it'll take a while for you two to spring back, but you two are great friends. This shouldn't bother it." she went on, trying to comfort me with words I couldn't understand came from.

I rose an eyebrow, unsure of where she was getting these thoughts from.

"Mom, what?"

"Didn't he?" she paused, "Dafnie, he's in love with you. Isn't that what it is?"

"What?" I let my jaw drop .

Her cheeks grew pink, knowing she's said the wrong thing. I let my heart skip a beat, unsure of how to take what she said. It's like I could feel the air touching my skin as I stood there, the time passing.

"Oh shit," she huffed. "I just blew his secret, didn't I?"

"He has a girlfriend." I immediately shot her down.

"Doesn't mean he can't be in love with you,"

"Mom, you're unbelivable!" I huffed. "He is not in love with me! He loves his girlfriend! I'm in love with him!"

My mouth hung open as I watched her expression change from embarrassed to surprised, her mouth in a slight 'o' shape. My breath caught in my throat as we just stared at each other.

"What?" now she was the confused one.

"Wait, Dafnie..." she sighed, unsure of what to say next.

"Mom," I stopped her. "I need to breathe, I'll be back."

And with that, I left.



I just noticed a voice mail from Jessie and I listened to it, she was at the hospital. But I'm sure she had to be out by now, it was like two hours later. Unless she wasn't. I quickly dialed her number, leaning my head against the car window.

"Jess?" I asked once the dial tone stopped.

"Dafnie?"

"Hey, did someone get you from the hospital? I'm so sorry I just got to you now, I've been pretty busy. I didn't even notice you called!" I said.

"Oh," she paused. "Dafnie, I'm okay... Isabelle picked me up." out of all the people in the world.

I liked Isabelle, nothing wrong with her. I'm just a little surprised she's associated with her. Like, they barely even look at each other, let alone drive each other. I swallowed hard and I know she heard it.

"Good, great. I was worried that you were still there." I laughed.

"No, I'm good. I hope everything is okay with you. Thanks for calling back." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I won't bother you anymore doll, see you later!" I said a little too cheerfully.

"See ya," and with that I hung up.

I looked at the phone for a moment, seeing Jessie's picture disappear into my home screen. It was five o'clock from what the clock read at the top of the screen. I slid my phone into the phone dock next to my steering wheel and shifted the gear into Drive.

Going home would be smart. I mean, driving around is getting me nowhere.

And right when I started to drive and my music was blasting, I received a ding from my phone that burst through the car, a text message. I look at my phone for a moment, seeing the message was from Paul. I turned away and focused on the road, just his name made the pit of my stomach get hot.

Another text came through, this time from Hawthorne. There was a red light in front of me, so I slowed to a stop and looked at my phone.

Hey Daf! that was Thorne.

I replied, Yo, what's up?

Maybe hanging out with someone would be smart. I looked through the passenger side window and saw Merrick in the car next to me. He looked so focused, and so into his music. I might have stared for too long because he looked back, catching my eyes. Fuck. Now the both of us were staring and my skin was crawling. I waved, like any sane person would do. He waved back.

His wave was sort of a wave and then a sign for 'go'. Why should I go? The light was still re--- HONK. I jumped in my seat and saw in the rear view a guy yelling at my car. Looking back through the windshield, the light was green.

Well, fuck.

I hit the gas and raced down the intersection, taking a left whenever possible, just to run from this humiliation.

My music blasted again, My Chemical Romance at full. I sang along, proud to know all the lyrics to all of their songs. It comes in handy when you wanna look like the bad girl of the streets. I look so innocent, but I listen to punk? Crazy, right?

I switched my phone to silent so it wouldn't interrupt the music, but I did see my screen blink on, signalling a new message.

I'm with Cole rn, coffee Hawthorne again.

That's good. She needs to be out more, and I mean that to the both of them. Ever since Cole got into that freak accident, she's barely left the house other than for school. Rupert has to practically pull her out. And for Hawthorne, she's just a small mouse that is afraid of people. And I love her and think she deserves more people in her life to adore her.

I picked up the phone, unlocking it with the touch of my thump, hitting talk-to-text.

"That's awesome. Where was my invite? LOL. Have fun. Tell Cole I said hi." and I checked my phone to see if it took all my world's correctly, it did.

I hit send and placed my phone back into the dock. Another red light came my way so I slowed to a stop and once I stopped, I grabbed my phone and looked at what Paul wrote me.

Babe, miss you <3

Ugh, I've been ignoring him for too long. My heart stung as I read the text over and over again. Until, of course, I decided to look up and the light turned green again.

William Franco



I was at work, my mind only focused on the task at hand the the music that was playing. My hands were covered in grease as I tried to pull out the vent from the engine. This was a full time job that I had to get to get through college, a car mechanic. I mean, someone had to pay the bills and that someone was me.

The car I was at work at was a BMW. It looked fairly new, but was a 2008 version. The owner kept it in tact. They really care about their care. Which is so weird because the kid who pulled up in it, was well, a kid. Teenagers aren't really careful with their cars. Maybe he drove it for his dad or something? And he had the most ridiculous name! Like, if you hate your child, you name him that.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" Rupert asked impatiently.

That was the kid.

I looked up from the hood and saw him standing just a few feet away from me, his arms crossed over his chest. I would say he must be the popular guy of his school. With this car? Yes.

God I wish I was in Connecticut.

He had that pretty boy look to him with the styled hair and the skinny jeans. I bet it drove all the girls wild.

"Just a few more minutes," I sighed.

"Right, I'll be out there when you're done." he paused. "And thanks,"

I actually stopped for a second, surprised by his thanks. But then, I heard him walk away, so I snapped back and kept on working.

I could have chosen that state school back home, but no, I had to go all the way to Seattle where I know absolutely nobody but my druggie cousin. Jesus.

Once I finished with the car, i shut the hood and waved Rupert over. he came, all smiles and cash at hand. He looked over the car, checking to see if I didn't fuck anything up. It had to be his father's car.

"Nice job, Billy." agh. I pretended he didn't actually call me that.

"Thanks," I said.

He came back over to me and handed me the cash. It was one hundred bucks. I only needed thirty five for the job. I looked up at him and saw the smile playing on his face, I couldn't read what he was thinking. Rich kids.

"I'll go get you the rest," I said.

"No," he said. "Keep it, you did a good job man."

"Dude, this is too much, I can't keep a seventy five dollar tip."

"I'm not taking it back," he said as he walked to the side of the car, opening the driver side.

I walked out of his way as he started his engine and drove off, waving once he passed me. I swallowed hard, taking a second glance at the money in my hand. I keep more than half of it. Oh my God.



I went to the nearest Starbucks with my laptop. It was time to finish my homework and drink some coffee. I've been working all week, so I barely had time.

When i walked in, the scent of fresh brewed filled my nose and the chill music lightened my mood. I walked over to the counter, surprised by the lack of a line. I smiled at the barista.

"Hey, I just want a grande coffee." I said.

She smiled back, typing it into the computer in front of her. "That'll be two fifty,"

I handed her the cash and she took it. Just a moment later, a guy handed me the cup and I went over to my usual spot, by the window, in the secluded corner. But someone was already there. A very pretty girl with her nose in a book. She looked to be maybe eighteen, but she could be in her twenties. I've seen those kind of girls, they look real young, but are older tan they seem.

Should I just leave her alone and find another spot? Or should I say hello? I mean, she was cute enough to say hello to.

I walked over, building up my confidence. Maybe this was a bad idea, she looked so focused. But once I was close enough for her to notice someone was crossing her threshold, she looked up, eyes wide.

"Ugh, hi." wow Will, you seem so confident.

"Hi?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that I usually sit here."

She smiled. "Yeah, I figured. I've seen you here before."

He skin reminded me of Avery, like chocolate.

"I'm Will,"

"Jules, nice to meet you."

I smiled, unsure of how to take her. She seemed really out there. Like if I told her to run away with me to anywhere, she would do it without thinking.

"Mind if I join you?" I asked.

She let out a small laugh, nodding her head. I pulled out a seat and sat down, setting my laptop and coffee on the table.

"College student huh?" she started.

Rupert Jean Franz

After the car repair, I drove out to Merrick's. I had plans with him. We'd be watching the college football game. I was real excited because my cousin was on the team. He told me that if his team lost, he would give me his car.

His Ferrari.

His brand new 458 Italia. That car costed as much as a house. And he would give it to me. That's how confident he is of winning the game.

I shifted the gear into park and hopped out, ignoring the chill in the air. It was almost March, which meant it was almost April, which meant it was almost May, so it was summer already.

Walking over to the front door, I hot the doorbell and slide my hands in my pockets, waiting for someone to open the door. A beat later Merrick got it, letting me inside. I could smell some spices coming from the kitchen, looked like his mother was cooking.

"Hey man, ready to see Frankie lose?" I laughed.

He shut the door behind me. "I'm ready to see him win,"

"Man, come on!"

"If he wins, you have to drink till you vomit, that's something I want to see." he laughed.

I shook my head as he lead me to the living room. The TV was already on and Philip was already comfortable on the couch. He had his phone in his hand and a smile stuck to his face.

"I see Philip discovered that PornHub has an app now." I whispered to Merrick.

"You should've seen him earlier." he shook his hand up and down and I held my laugh.

"That's great," I said.

The both of us walked over to the couch, joining Philip. I looked over at the phone and saw that it actually was Dafnie's face on the screen. I searched the screen and saw that it was Tinder. Since when was Philip on Tinder? Wait, since when was Dafnie on Tinder?

"Man, privacy." Philip huffed to me.

I glared at him jokingly. "If you swipe right you get my leftovers."

"Fuck you man, she's hot." he swiped right.

And another picture came up, some girl I don't know, and yet, he swiped right again. Seems he didn't match with either of them. I looked back at the TV and saw the game is just about to start. Both teams are gathering on the grass.

I leaned back into the couch, ready to see Frankie beat.

"Which one is he?" Merrick asked.

"Uh, hold on." I said, scanning the screen. But then the camera shifted to him. He was smiling, his white teeth a gift from the dentist. Looks like there were having an interview. His name popped up at the bottom of the screen.

"That's him," I smiled.

Franklin Theodore Franz

"Hello, Frankie." the blonde bomb said to him. "Are you excited for the game?"

"Not as excited as my cousin! We made a bet," he laughed, his voice resembling my dad's, too deep for comfort. "But all I care about is getting our team to the top, Charlie."

She smiled, "That's awesome,"

The camera went back to the field. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I pulled it out and saw a text from Colette.

Hey, I talked to Thorne... she is not budging.

I sighed.

It's fine, I guess. Love you

Love you too

I smiled, slipping my phone back into my pocket, my full attention now on seeing Frankie getting his ass kicked.

Cole

I texted Rupert after the game ended when I was at physical therapy.

Can you come to my PTs office, ASAP? I hit "send"

Be there in 5,

I settled back and waited. And when he showed up, I gave him my best smile.

"You ready?" he asked me, taking my good hand.

I used my fingers to move his wrist so his hand was resting in my left palm. Where I was paralyzed. He looks at me, puzzled. I closed my eyes and it took all my effort, but I squeezed his hand.

His eyes met mine as I opened them and he leaned down to kiss me, wrapping his arms around me before resting his head in my shoulder.

"Baby you're gonna get better." He whispered this in my ear and I nodded, tears running down my cheeks.

"Your going to draw again, okay?" He put his hand on my cheek and used his thumb to wipe the tears. Just like in the movies. I nodded, smiling.

"Do you want to go out tonight?" I asked as he stood up and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, definitely. It's about time we went out on a real date. Got anything in mind?"

"Not really. I was just thinking dinner and then hanging out at my place afterwards."

"Okay,"

I press a hand to my forehead as 'All I want' by Kodaline blasts through my house. I was alone, which I was fine with, but I felt like I needed to be around people. I hadn't even been a week since I'd gotten into the wreck, and I already missed partying. I missed losing myself for just a small amount of time, I miss the freedom I got when I forgot all of my problems for awhile, I missed my life. I'd have it back soon, but soon wasn't coming fast enough.

I was still glad that I wasn't paralyzed like her. Collette. The girl that stole the boy I'd been chasing for years. She just swooped in with her stupid French accent that everybody adored, got into a wreck that made a lot of people feel sorry for her, then stole him. The guy. The perfect guy that I dreamed of. It didn't even take a whole school year to get him, either. No. I'd been working on him for over 5 years, but what do I get in the end? A sprained neck and a broken arm. God dammit, I think I hate her. I liked Isabelle more than I liked her, and that says a lot.



This is all I'd been listening to. All day. Just this song on repeat. It sounds pathetic, I know, and it is. I'm throwing a pity party for myself.



It was a song from The Fault In Our Stars. It made me cry. Not the movie- the song. Well, the movie made me ball, but the song in general? I always tear up one way or another.

I close my eyes, and the night comes back to me: two lovesick bodies pressed against each other heatedly, desperate roaming hands going a mile a minute, a flash of blonde, a wisp of black, a lust filled life and a wanting soul clasped together for the better and worse.

The songs halfway over and I'm not listening, but I can feel tHe tears escaping. I lean back on the couch, cringing when I bend my head forward ever-so-slightly. More tears come, and I can't bite back to sob that erupts from my lips. I didn't deserve this. All I wanted was him- his love, his touch, his kiss, him. But I have this. I have nothing. I have nobody. Didn't I work hard enough? What did I do wrong?

Before I could continue making myself feel like crap, my stomach turns upside down and it feels like I'm being stabbed in the gut with a razor blade over and over again. I get up as quickly as possible and race to the bathroom, spewing vomit all across the bathroom sink once it comes into reach.

Something was buzzing. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and shove my hand into my sweat pants pocket, and sigh when my fingertips grasp the edge of my buzzing phone. I pull it out, and answer without looking to see who it was, "Hello?"

"Ms. Gates, yes, hello," Man. Male voice. I frowned when I realized it was my doctor. "I have bad news that we overlooked when you were here the other day. If you could come in immediately, that would be greatly appreciated."

"What's wrong?" I ask, pushing my hair out of my face. I needed a shower. Not a trip to the Hospital. "Are my Hospital bills not being paid?"

There was a chuckle on the other end, then a raspy, "No, dear. Just come in, okay? Everything's going to be all right."

And the line went dead.



After paying the taxi driver, I wrapped my arms around myself and stepped into the cold building. Glad I brought a thick sweater- though, my stomach was still killing me. Maybe I could have him check that out after he told me what the hell was wrong.

I stood in front of the Front desk, waiting for the woman to stop trying on her computer so I could tell her my name and why I was there, but she kept typing. I sighed and straightened my feet, beginning to feel a bit impatient and queasy.

"Dr. Hale will see you now," She stated as she pushed her glasses up suddenly. I stare at her for a second, then shake my head and step through the back doors once she buzzes them open.

There was a nurse waiting for me, even though I didn't need her. I knew where his office was. I followed her, though.

The walk wasn't long, because before I knew it I was standing in front of Gabriel Hale. He looked grim- his hair was matted as if he'd slept against his desk, or the wall, and his eyes were filled with sorrow and guilt and confusion.

"I'll be back to get you in a bit, Ms. Gates." The nurse said with a smile, then walked out.

I frown again and glance around the room, "What's wrong?"

Dr. Hale begins ruffling through a file on his desk, pulling out X-rays and something that looked like an Ultrasound. After a second, he stops, picks up the ones he pulled out, and holds them out to me, "I-I don't know how I didn't see it before. Your...when you were in the accident, you had severe abdominal injuries. It affected the baby majorly, and when you were rushed in, we did an Ultrasound to-"

"Wait, wait, wait," I laugh, pressing a hand to my forehead. "What are you talking about? Ultrasound? I'm not pregnant, Dr. Hale."

"Oh my..." He mumbles, his eyes wide with shock now. "You didn't know. It seems that you were pregnant with twins, dear. I-""

"Twins? I'm not pregnant!" I exclaim, but I couldn't help but feel like he was right. It would explain- nothing. It would explain nothing. I wasn't pregnant. I never was.

"I understand this is news to you, but please let me finish.." He pauses, and I meet his gaze and nod once to tell him to continue. "We did an Ultrasound to see if the fetuses were injured, and it only seemed minor, so we didn't think it was a big deal, but I've been looking at the pictures and documents and files and...and the one of the babies received serious damage. I want to do another Ultrasound on you to...to see..."

"I..." I want to cry because...what if I was pregnant? How would I of gotten pregnant? I never...oh my God. Rupert? The night of my party. "O-okay.."

How could this happen? How could I be so irresponsible?

Dr. Hale leads me to another brightly-room, instruct me to lay down on the chair to the left. It colds, but only on my legs. I wrap the sweater tighter around me-avoiding my cast on my arm and the brace pressing into my neck, forcing me to sit as straight as possible- until he's standing in front of me, telling me to take my sweater off so we could do the Ultrasound. I don't want to. It's cold, everything's cold. I'm cold. I can feel tears surfacing as I strip the sweater off and lift my shirt just enough so that he could put on the freezing clear cream.

Once he presses the Transducer, as he called it, to my stomach, I shiver, and I don't want to look at the screen but I can't help it. I want to know if it's true. After a second, it flickers on, and there's just these two ball in the middle of the screen, slightly fuzzy, but I know then. And I can't stop the tears. They come quickly, and even as Dr. Hale sighs and says I should stay so they can remove the fetus, then tells me that we needed to schedule a surgery for my stomach to see what other damage they'd overlooked, but I can't stop sobbing because I ended a life. A life I didn't even know was going to exist. A life that was growing in me. I ended it because I was mad at the guy I couldn't have. I was drunk. I pulled away from that red light. I killed someone, even if their heart wasn't beating yet. I didn't give it a chance to live. But I also have another one in me. A baby. I'm pregnant.

Oh, God.



My neck hurt. My arm hurt. My stomach hurt. Everything hurt. I was pregnant. Was.

I hadn't spoken to anyone. My phone had buzzed a few times, but I couldn't get up to answer it. Not that I wanted to.

I clenched the Ultrasound pictures in my hand, feeling myself break yet again. I was sick and tired of doing this to myself. I couldn't get the guy. I couldn't keep a life. I couldn't keep ahold of myself. Maybe I needed to move back to Paris and attend that one school, Ecole Internationale de Paris, like mother wanted. Maybe I should've done that in the first place- then, I wouldn't be in this predicament. How was I going to tell my parents? They'd disown me, most likely.

My phone buzzed again, and I wanted to answer it. I wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. Or, well, anyone except for...him. Could I tell him that I was pregnant? That I killed one of the fetuses when I was drunk driving? What would he think? Would he think that I just wanted his attention?

I forced myself to stand, but I had to hold onto the couch to stand straight. With my neck throbbing and my stomach aching and everything else just murdering my insides, plus the meds I'd taken not even an hour ago, I could barely even see straight, let alone stand straight. I took another step forward, grabbed my phone from the end table, then eased back down onto the couch.

The phone continued to vibrate, and I glanced down to see who it was- Dafnie. I wanted to talk to Dafnie. I hit the answer button, and held the phone to my ear. Tears started to pour from my eyes as if on command as soon as I said, "I need you."

Cole

"Cole... maybe you and Rupert should lay off the whole relationship thing for a while," I turned to look at Dafnie who was sitting next to me at taco bell. We were drinking those starburst icee things.

"Sorry?" She looked down at her drink, fiddling with her straw, the earrings I gave to har swayed as she moved her pretty blonde head.

"Well he and Jessie just got out of a relationship and-"

"Wait," I held up my good hand, "I know you're friends with Jessie but they were never in a relationship to begin with. It's not my fault or my problem that Jessie can't control herself."

"Cole!" Dafnie shot me a look. "Rupert isn't all innocent either,"

"Daffy, seriously?" I glared at her, "How can you defend her? She gets drunk and high pretty much every weekend, God only knows how many people she's screwed around with."

"Not that many people," Dafnie muttered under her breath.

"What?" I asked,

"Nothing," she snapped. "Cole, you don't know the first thing about Jessie and Rupert. You don't know anything about Jessie to begin with. And you barely know your 'boyfriend'. The number of people Jessie has or hasn't screwed around with is nothing compared to your little boyfriend, Rup. Just ask how many girls he lured into his bed and then ditched the next day." She threw her half-gone slushie into the trash can and stormed out.

I sat there in stunned silence, regretting everything I'd said. Did I care about Jessie and her drama queen, attention whore ways? Not particularly. But did I want to hurt my closest friend? Definitely not.

And then there was Rupert. Dafnie was right, he was known to be a player. But so far he'd been respectful to me, only going for casual hugs and touches and the occasional kiss that was a few seconds longer than normal. But other than that, he didn't seem eager to get into my pants. I paused. Was I not good enough for him? I went back and forth with the dilemma in my mind. Did I want him to be trying to pull me into bed with him? Or did the fact that he wasn't mean I wasn't sexy enough for him?

My phone buzzed, it was Dafnie.
I didn't want to leave you there alone. I'm sorry about the fight but I need time to cool down, I have my own problems. Thorne said she can give you a ride when you need one.

I locked my phone, feeling stupid for having not even considered how I was going to get home. I looked down at the metal contraption I hated so much. The god damned wheel chair. And then I looked up to see a little boy staring at me. So I motored to the door but the batteries on the chair were low, so they needed to be recharged. That also meant I was painfully slow.

So much for making a quick break.

Paul Jenkins

I had Isabelle in my arms, and I just stared into her eyes as she stared back. The apartment was quiet. It felt like this was the only world that mattered, her and I.

"Hungry?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Kinda,"

"Chinese?"

She nodded again and I smiled. Before I pulled away, I leaned into her, kissing her softly. I could taste her cherry chapstick on my tongue. I got up off the couch and found my cellphone just on the table. I took it and dialed up my favorite Chinese place.

An hour later and we were back on the couch, chomping on Kung Pao. The TV was on, we decided for a marathon of Friends. It was so easy being with her, like my whole world was just her and that was okay. She enjoyed all the same things I did. She was perfect, to me. Like, if I wanted to bum around, she was all for it too.

And what I love most about her is, she will cuddle with me.

"Do I have food on my face?" Isabelle asked me.

I've been staring at her for a while and I think it started to bother her. I just laughed, trying to slow the pace of my heart. She smiled back with her eyebrows still arched in confusion.

"I'm sorry, I was staring." I admitted.

A soft blush grew on her cheeks as she faced back to the TV, smiling to herself. I looked at the TV too, finishing my Chinese food. I placed the plate on the table and fell into the couch, letting it take me as it's own. She finished up her plate and cuddled up next to me, her head on my chest. I could smell her perfume, it was vanilla-ey, and beautiful. Just like her, beautiful.

"I'm a little tired, meet you in bed?" she murmured.

I looked at her as she looked up at me, her eyes so captivating. It felt like all the air was kicked out of me as we just looked at each other. We had those moments, they just caught us and we just stared and I couldn't look away.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I'll meet you there,"

She smiled, scooting up closer to my face. We were eye to eye and my heart couldn't manage all the emotion coursing through my veins. I leaned into her, caressing her lips with mine. I could feel her tongue run against my lips, and we were french kissing. I gripped her waist, wanting more of her than I already had. Just as it was getting heated, she pulled away with a smile on her face.

I watched as she got off the couch and disappeared into the hallway. She was waiting for me in my room. I had to clean up first. I took the dirty dishes and left them in the kitchen sink, then turned off the TV and all the lights.

I got to my room and she was already curled up in bed under the sheets. That's her teasing me. I walked over to my side of the bed, jumping under the covers. She was so close, I could hear her breathing. Before I could make a move, she turned around and faced me, a smile playing on her face. I just smiled back and pulled her over to me, our bodies just touching and I just staring. My heart was racing as she ran her hands down my chest, her touch so tingly.

"I love you," I said. And, Oh God, I'm the first one to say it.

She stopped moving and just stared at me, I'm sure she was shocked, but she was still smiling. Then, it's like someone hit the play button, and she leaned in, her lips so close to mine.

"I love you too," she sighed, I felt her lips move against mine as she said it.



We fell asleep maybe a few minutes after that, her in my arms. My phone was just next to me on the bed, so I felt it vibrate and woke up. Izzy was still fast asleep which was good, I wouldn't want to wake her. She was on her side of the bed, she hated sleeping in my arms, she just like cuddling before sleep.

I looked at my phone and saw it was Dafnie calling me, her face blinked on my screen. I swiped the screen to answer.

I tried my best to get out of bed without bothering her and leaving the room without waking her. I had managed. The hallway was dark, but I found my way to the kitchen.

"Daffy?"

"Hey, open the door." she sounded tired, her voice hoarse.

"What?"

I looked over at the front door, unsure if I actually should bother opening it. It was around three in the morning and I was tired. But, she came all the way here.

"You heard me fine," cranky Dafnie is not fun Dafnie.

So, I hung up on her and left the phone on the counter top. I walked over to the door, unlocking the locks, and opening it. She was all bundled up and red faced. It looked like she'd been crying. Her eyes met mine and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't read what was happening to her, so I let her in, shutting the door behind her.

"Go to the living room," I said.

She slid off her coat and left it on the chair the was just in front of the dining table. My kitchen was small, but big enough for a small table. So I didn't have to eat at the counters.

I followed her into the room and pulled the screen doors shut. Convenience about the living room, it had sliding doors for privacy. And, it would prevent waking Isabelle up.

Dafnie sat on the couch, in her normal criss-cross position. I joined her, taking her cold hands in mine.

A sigh escaped her lips as she looked at me for just a second, and then at our intertwined hands.

"Daf, what's up?" I asked quietly.

Another sigh, but this one was rough, like she was blowing out all of her emotions into the air. I couldn't look at her as she did. Then, I did meet her eyes and it happened all at once. Her lips trembled and her eyes got shiny, tears were trying to push past her eyes but she didn't allow it. My breath caught in my throat, seeing her like this made me want to cry and my heart couldn't handle her sad.

She was my best friend.

She couldn't even look at me anymore and she pulled her hands away. I knew she would just get up and leave, that's what she does when she can't handle herself. So, she pushed herself up off of the couch but I reached out and grabbed her arm. She looked back at me, unsure of what to do. I tugged on her and she retreated back to her spot.

"Hey, talk to me." I tried.

But, instead of talking, her eyes just met mine and I couldn't breathe. We just looked at each other for a moment longer, and I was so lost, so confused, so scared, not even sure of what she was going to say. Was she pregnant? Did someone die? What had happen--

And I couldn't even finish my thought.

She jumped on top of me, locking her lips with mine. I felt her legs wrap around my waist as her hands trailed my hair. I kissed her back, something I've wanted to do for so long.

Oh my God.

This was actually happening.

I felt the urgency in her lips as they pushed hard against mine, wanting more, begging for more. It was sloppy, my tongue danced with hers as I forgot anything else existed.

But then I remembered and I pulled away, her still in my arms. She looked alarmed, her blue eyes wide.

"Dafnie," I asked. "What are you doing?"

She got stiff, suddenly very uncomfortable about her position. So, she pulled away and stood up, wanting to run, I knew it. But I stood up as well, towering over her. Tears started to fall down her cheeks but she had a straight face. Her cheeks were very pink.

"I'm in love with you," she said.

What?

I looked back at her with my mouth slightly hung open, unable to process anything. Why is she in love with me now? Out of all the other times she could be in love with me. I took her hand in mine an took in a deep breath.

"You are not in love with me Dafnie, you are just lonely." I said.

"No," she protested. "I am in love with you and I'm so angry that I realized this now, not earlier."

"Jesus! Dafnie!" I huffed. "You can't be in love with me now! That's not fair! You can't! You could've been in love with me maybe a month ago, but not now. You can't do this. You can't do this to me." I know that now I was being loud.

Her eyes searched mine for something, I wouldn't know. I took in another deep breath and let her hand go, crossing my arms over my chest. My heart was racing as mt brain tried to process everything that just happened over the past few minutes.

"I'm sorry, forget about it." her voice was ridden in cries. "Just, forget about everything, I'll be fine." she looked away.

"How can I forget about that Dafnie? I've been in love with you for so long." When I said this, she looked up, hope in her eyes, maybe even surprise. "Don't be dumb, everyone knew."

"I've been wanting to kiss you, like that. I can't just forget it. But, you can't do this Dafnie. I have a girlfriend."

"I know," and that 'I know' was pitiful.

She ran her hands down the back of her neck and held them there, stressed from all of this.

"And I am in love with her." I continued.

"I figured," she sighed.

And right then and there, I heard a door slam. My heart picked up a few paces as we stared at each other. I turned around and opened the sliding door, making my way to my room. She was gone.

She had left.

Fuck.

No.

I walked to the kitchen, finding a note on the counter. I swallowed hard, not prepared for what she wrote.

It's Done

Shutting my eyes, I tried to not cry. She didn't hear the part when I said I was in love with her. She didn't know I turned Dafnie down. She didn't know that I actually love her.

But do I?

Kissing Dafnie felt right. But so did kissing Isabelle.

Isabelle Lee

Tears poured down my face. I wrote a short note and ran out the front door. I just couldn't be here right now. I heard his door creek open as I was running down the drive way, I needed to go for a walk, or well; run.

The cool midnight air brushed through my hair and I just wanted to keep running, forever. My boyfriend and I had just broke up and I have a dad from hell. There was no where else I could go and honestly I just wanted Paul. But obviously he is in love with Dafnie.

I fell to the ground, so out of breath that it was pathetic.

There was a horn and that was all I remembered before I blacked out.


----------

"Is she okay?" I heard a female voice ask. I felt a rough mans touch pulling me up, the ground was cold, and his hands heated me. I coughed but couldn't open my eyes.

"I think she just blacked out." I heard him say. He held me against his chest and I could tell he was like in his mid forties.

Opening my eyes, it was April's mom and dad. I looked up at him and he saw me, "You'll be okay, honey." he told me and sat me on the couch. I stretched and then memories of what happened hours before came flooding back. I cried into their couch as soon as they left for the kitchen.

"April! Isabelle is in the living room." I heard her mother yell. April. She is who I needed right now. I ran up to her room before she had time to come down.

"Izz, what's wrong?" she asked. She looked into my eyes, it was like she read my mind.

"Paul? Paul hurt you?" she asked.

I gripped her into a hug and didn't let go. Oh how much I loved and hated him all at once. He told me he'd be there for me, but he lied; and kisses Dafnie, it was like I didn't even exist to him at that time.

I saw her, the way she just latched onto his body in a full on emotional kiss. I had heard enough and I knew that I couldn't take it anymore.

"I loved him too." I said. I looked out the window and realized my car was still at his house.

Great.

In between sobs, I asked April to bring me to his place so I can get my car. I didn't want to talk to him, I just needed my things.

-------

Her car slowly pulled up to his drive. I saw that Dafnie was still there. I couldn't believe it and all kinds of scenarios were flying through my head. I pulled out my phone and dialed his phone.

"Give me my damn keys." I said once he answered the phone.

"Isabelle, please, just talk to me." he cried. I couldn't tell if he was hurting or just trying to reel me in.

"Paul, there is nothing left to say. Come out and give me them!" I yelled.

Hanging up the phone, I walked over to my car. His door swung open and there Dafnie was. She was my target.

"You bitch!!! How the hell could you do this to me?" I lashed out and ran towards her, I jumped on top of her and punched her in the face.

"You knew he was mine, but you took him from me!" I yelled. She pushed me over and was on top of me.

"Isabelle stop." Paul yelled. He pulled us both apart and tears swelled onto my cheeks.

I got my keys from his grip and got up. "You broke my heart after you told me you loved me." I finally said. I felt anger surge through me.

"But I love YOU Isabelle." he said.

I had a laugh at that one. Lies. I went to my car and peeled out of his drive way. April followed behind me.

It was just like any regular day with Rupert. We were lounging on one of the plush couches in his basement. I was out of my chair and cuddled safely in his lap as we watched TV. The volume was down low and we spent most of the time kissing and murmuring gently. That is, until Rupert's phone buzzed.

He checked who it was and locked his phone, turning back to me. Then his phone buzzed again. Irritated, he put it on silent and set it on the arm of the couch. As he leaned in to kiss me, Jessie came into the room.

"Uh, Rup... the housekeeper let me in. Is now a bad time? I can go I just really wanted to talk to you..."

My heart nearly stopped. This was the girl who nearly blew Rupert in a crowded room full of people. Yes, I heard about that. Blowjobs are best kept in private.

Her tall figure was draped in skinny jeans, light brown knee length leather boots and a pink shirt made of lined sheer material that was buttoned up but draped over her shoulders to compliment her slim frame. Her platinum blonde hair was curled and her makeup done up, making her ocean blue eyes pop. I felt out of place in my shorts and loose tank top with a hoody and a messy bun. Looking at her, you could hardly tell she'd just recently been in a car accident.

"Uh Jess-" Rupert began, but I cut him off.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I could hear more of my French accent filtering through as my face heated up and my blood boiled. Even the sight of her perfect little face and her perfect little life made me want to vomit.

"I came here to talk to Rupert," she said smugly, brushing invisible lint off her jeans. I noticed then that her nails were done in a perfect french manicure. Of course they were.

"Yeah well he's not interested. Why don't you just turn your designer jean clad ass around and go back to where you belong?" Rupert looked at me, his mouth gaping open. He was used to the nice, sweet and sometimes shy little Colette. Not this jealous monster. I was a little ashamed of my actions but honestly? Too mad at Jessie to really care.

"I'm not going to say anything," she said, her face turning red even under her perfectly even layer of foundation, "I'm here to work things out. I've known Rupert a lot longer than you have." He looked extremely uncomfortable as he shifted in his seat and helped place me in my wheel chair. He stood up.

"Jess if you want to talk could we maybe do it later?" He was quiet, taking my hand and kissing it after he spoke. She watched the intimate gesture with burning envy, her blue eyes flashing with jealousy and anger.

"No, I do not want to talk about it later. Rupert, I have been in love with you for 5 years and you never even took a second look at me unless it was to get me into your bed or to get yourself into my hot tub. Your little french girlfriend won't last. It's in your nature. Rupert Franz is not one to be tied down," she smirked at me, "Oh and Cole, even if Rupert was the 'boyfriend' type, you think he'd really stay with you? You have about as much sex appeal as that wheelchair."

She turned for the door, blowing a little kiss at Rupert who's fists and jaw were clenched. His teeth ground together audibly as she made her way up the basement stairs, her boots making little marks in the plush carpet as she walked.

"Bitch." I muttered to her turned figure. But apparently not quietly enough.

"Right back at you," she called with a syrupy sweet voice and then the front door shut firmly behind her with a thump.

I was pissed, Rupert was pissed and Jessie, despite her cool exterior was most definitely pissed.

This meant war.

I laid in my bed, looking up at the ceiling. Once, again the grandparents were gone. I didn't know when they were coming back, and I didn't really care. All I wanted was for the pain to end. The loneliness. That sadness. The depression. The hate. The anger. I'd contemplated killing myself so many times, i'd lost count. I curl in on myself, now looking at the wall. Then my eyes drift to the pills on my night stand, and I stare at them. Before I realize what i'm doing, the bottle is in my hands, the top off, and tipped towards my mouth.

Just then, my phone buzzed, pausing as I felt the pills lightly pressing against my lips. It was Dafnie. Setting the pills down, I answered the phone.

"What's up?" I stare at the pills as I wait for her answer.

There was only silence on the other end. Well, not really silence. More like a bunch of sniffling and other sounds I could really make out, which made me frown. "Dafnie, is everything ok? What's wrong?"

"Everything is so fucked up," Dafnie's voice shook as she spoke.

"Dafnie?" I pulled on my shoes and grabbed my car keys. "Tell me what's going on. What happened?"

"Wow, I really screwed up." she went on. "What a fucking mess I've made this time."

"Dafnie, you're starting to scare me. Where are you?" I locked the front door to the house and hopped into my car.

"You'd think I would have learned by now, but no." she went on like she didn't hear me.

"Just tell me where you are, and i'll come and get you," I put the key in the ignition and brought the car to life.

"I just-"

"Dammit Dafnie," I snapped. "Calm the fuck down and tell me where you are."

The other side of the phone was met with silence. Probably shock because she's never heard me cuss before, let alone drop an F-bomb.

"I'm at Paul's house." she replies, her voice sounding slightly hoarse.

"Don't move. I'm on my way." I hung up the phone without waiting for an answer and made my way over to Paul's house."

*****************

Pulling up out front of Paul's house, I pulled the keys out of the ignition and headed up the porch to knock on the door.

"Who the hell-" Paul came up short when he saw me.

"Hi," I wave awkwardly. "Dafnie called me, and she was pretty upset. Is she here?"

"Probably in her car," Paul ran a hand through his hair.

He looked really tired. Drained. And I would know, because I saw that tiredness in my own eyes when looked in the mirror. What the hell happened?

"Thanks, Paul." I turn and head down the porch and paved way. "Later."

"Later," he returned quietly shutting the door behind him.

Walking over to Dafnie's car, I peer inside to find her in the driver's seat, just sitting there. Without a word, she reaches toward the door and presses a button. Four automatic clicks sounds simultaneously. I open the passenger side door and slide inside. The light dims several second after I close the door, the darkness emphasizing the silence that hung between us.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on? Or did I come down here for nothing?" I ask her.

Dafnie Serena Leto

I fucked up. Oh my God. I honestly, fucked up. I can't fix it. What did I do? Did I really believe I could be happy? That's so ridiculous. Girls like me always get ruined and always ruin everything. That's just the plan of life.

Well, my plan of life.

I just stared at Paul. His eyes were wide and his lips were swollen red from mine. My body just stung all over, unsure of what I could do and if I should run right then and there. And Isabelle chose running.

"Aren't you going to say something, or are you just going to stand there?"

My mouth felt too dry, as if I never had saliva. He just pressed his hand to his forehead, the frustration radiated off of him. He was conflicted, it was obvious, by the way he looked at me and the way he fidgeted to run after her.

"I'm sorry," I swallowed hard after I whispered that out.

His eyes met mine, the green addictive. "Stop saying that. You can't be sorry for what you feel."

"I'm sorry that I even exist,"

I felt the tension thicken as his eyes focused on the floor now, unsure how to take what I said. My heart raced and I couldn't breathe right.

"Don't say that Dafnie," he said.

"Why not? I kind of suck!" I spit out.

He looked back up at me. "No you don't."

"Yes I do Paul, look at me." I pointed at my own chest. "I ruined Izzy, I was a slut in freshman year. I am all kinds of fucked up." the tears started to prick at my eyes again.

"You aren't fucked up babe," he paused, our eyes caught each other, letting the tension thicken ever more.

"You love her," I wheezed out.

He took in a deep breath, I saw his chest rise then fall. I couldn't look at him because I saw the temptation flooding in her eyes. I just kissed him, why wouldn't I do it again? Because now I'm not stupid.

"You fucked me up,"

My heart crushed at those words and I felt like dying.

"You fucked me up the day I met you babe," he continued as I stared at the floor, unable to calm my racing heart. "The day I met you I was in love with you. Your laugh was intoxication g and your smile was so rare... you only smiled with me. And I've been wanting to kiss you like that for so long Dafnie. So long,"

I held my breath, feeling as if I couldn't do anything with myself.

"Say something Dafnie, say something that will help me."

"I can't, you know that." I spit out.

I knew he got closer, I could smell that musky cologne again.

"Please,"

I stood there, wanting, begging for him to touch me again. I wanted to feel his lips pressed against mine. I wanted his hands to roam my body, begging for more skin.

But that wasn't going to happen.



I was with Hawthorne and she was ready to hear why I was in panic mode. She even swore. She doesn't use profanity, so when she did, I knew this was serious. I swallowed hard and our eyes met.

"I kissed Paul," I admitted, already too embarrassed to look at her.

She was silent, leaving me feeling like I'd lose her too.

"Why?" she asked.

"Uh," why would she ask that. "I kissed him,"

"Yes Dafnie, I understand that. But why did you kiss him?"

"Because... I'm in love with him?"

"You knew he was dating Isabelle... did Isabelle see you?"

Since I didn't reply, she kind of connected the dots herself. I sunk deeper into my seat and huffed, my lungs grew weak. All the emotions I was feeling were just trailing through my blood, unable to control themselves.

"Dafnie, you can be so stupid sometimes, I'm sorry but... I had to say it."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks," I mumbled under my breath.

My heart hasn't stopped racing since Paul's house, and I don't believe it ever will. I couldn't focus on anything but Paul. Kissing him was like those fireworks everyone was talking about.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "How did you figure you were in love with him?"

"I don't know... it just happened all at once."

"He told you no, didn't he?"

Tears started to push past my eyes as I thought back to him saying he loved Isabelle. I shouldn't even be surprised. They are perfect for each other. I couldn't catch my breath as I sat there, sobbing. I felt Hawthorne wrap her arms around me, and I leaned against her chest, wetting her shirt from my tears.

"You did something very stupid Dafnie, but love is very stupid itself." she paused. "I'm sorry it didn't work."

It's like she knew the right words to say, even though what I did crossed many lines.

Rupert Jean Franz

When Jessie left, I couldn't believe she even came. That night flew by like a blur, and I was in this constant haze for a few day until it hit me. Jessie wasn't going to just get over me.

What did I do?

Why did I do it?

I can't just go around pretending that I didn't have feelings for Jessie. I mean, what we had was so good. But, it wasn't right. She deserved someone else, because I just used her. The thing is, maybe I didn't just use her.

A flashback hit me, it was dark, all I could remember was seeing soft red lips. It was hot, body against body, itching for more skin. So much emotion, lust, it burned through my mind. I know one of the bodies was me, but the other one couldn't be Colette. Because we weren't together when I was at that party... and... Jessie was there.

Oh my God.

"Hey, when did you get cable? What happened to not confirming to the modern times?" Philip interrupted my euphoria.

I looked up, seeing him scrolling through the channels on the TV. Swallowing hard, I got him to look at me, noticing my uncertainty.

"Bro, what's up?" his eyebrows creased together.

"I think I took Jessie's virginity."

He didn't reply at first, just licked his bottom lip and thought for a moment. Then, he went back to searching the channels until he hit MTV. An episode of Catfish was on. I waited, ready to hear what he had to say.

"I took her virginity," he sighed.

My heart stopped as I rethought his words. "What?" I mumbled out.

"Sure..." he faced me. "you made out with her, things got heavy, but then you threw up and I found you guys in her room. I took you to the bathroom and then went to take care of her... she was fine," he paused. "That's when we did it."

"Wait," I took in a sharp breath, feeling my lungs get heavy. "You knew I was hooking up with her and yet, you slept with her?"

"We were both drunk, it didn't matter."

"It does matter, you dumbass."

"Okay, don't get all hurt Rup. You didn't even like her, you were using her. Let's be real. So why does it matter if I had sex with her? You had no feelings, you didn't care. What? Did you all of a sudden grow a pair?"

I couldn't even believe he was saying this, I didn't want to. Was I having a terrible nightmare? No. No, I wasn't. I had to stand up, I couldn't take looking at him. I ran my hands through my hair and walked out of the living room, finding myself in the small foyer. Light flew in through the window, blinding me for a moment. I shut my eyes and took in a few deep breaths.

"Dude, I'm sorry... I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh." Philip said from behind me.

Turning around, I looked at the front door for a moment. Smart. I walked toward it, opening the door and slamming it behind me. Cold wind brushed past me as I started to run down the sidewalk. Only a few people were out, walking their dogs. I manged to run around them and kept on running.



"Jessie, hi." I paused. "It's me... I'm, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you. But, it wasn't me." I hung up, hoping she will listen to the voice mail. There was nothing more to say.

The door finally opened to Colette. She smiled once she saw me, letting me in. I walked around her and shut the door behind us. She had a book in her lap, looks like I may have bothered her.

My chest felt tight, what I was about to do was something I was sure to regret for my life. But, I had to do it.

"Before you break up with me I want to know if you love me." she spit out, reading the expression on my face.

I took in a breath, unsure of what to say. How did she know?

"I'm sorry Cole." I smiled weakly. Her eyes got soft, a single tear flew from her eye. "I love you with all my heart. But, God." I didn't know what to do with my hands, I wanted to punch something. "I love you so much! But we have to break up. This isn't working. Maybe, someday, we can be happy but..."

"I get it, it's fine. I'm going to France anyway. This is for the better."

"You're going to France?"

I slumped into my seat, avoiding bumping my arm into anything as my phone began to buzz on the table. I glanced at the Caller ID, but it was somebody I really didn't want to talk to. Rupert. It continued to buzz, and I waited for it to stop so I could take another sip of my drink. My phone lit up again, and I assumed it was a message, but it was a voicemail.

Lifting my cup, I downed the rest of the coffee, then unlocked my phone and played the VM out loud.


"Jessie, hi." I can't help but feel surprised. I thought he was going to yell at me for arguing with his stupid girlfriend, but his voice was distant, maybe even a little sad. "It's me...I'm, I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you. But, it wasn't me."

I frown, and replay it. What wasn't him? Dammit, I should've picked up. After it ended again, I redialed his number, and waited as the dial rang. Three times, then it ended. He'd hung up on me. Maybe he was at her house.

"I'm so sorry," I mimicked, a surge of anger washing over me. "Sorry my ass. 'I didn't mean to hurt you.' What the hell ever."

"Talking to yourself again, I see," A familiar voice said behind me, and I whipped around to come face-to-face with my mother. "Maybe we should've put you in Meredithe's Home for the Mentally Ill."

"Good to see you, too, mom," I grumble, and glance behind her to see my father leaning against the wall, a gentle smile on his face. "How was your trip back?"

"Well, we didn't crash and die, did we?" She snapped, shooting a frown up at me. I raise a brow and try not to smile. I was taller than her. She must not be wearing her heels. "This place is a mess. Has the maid not been coming over?"

"I told her she didn't have to," I shrug, and glance around the room. A plate sat on the table, and I hadn't swept yet today, but the place wasn't even dirty. "I'm capable of cleaning up after myself, mother."

"Obviously not," The woman growled as she stripped off her coat and set it on the coat hanger. "So what's this about you wanting to move schools? We paid a lot of money to get you that scholarship at Lincoln."

"That schools a joke, mother," I mumble, shuffling into the kitchen so I could begin pulling out ingredients with my one hand. "And it's good to know the first things you don't ask me are 'Are you okay?' or maybe 'Do you need anything?' Thanks, mom."

"I suggest you lose the attitude, little girl, otherwise we'll have some problems." My mother says evenly, her voice deathly calm, indicating that she was mad now.

"Oh, we've had problems, ever since I was born. Why don't you just admit that you hate me?" I snap back, slamming the paprika on the island. "Why'd you come here, anyways? To point out how much of a screw up I am? To tell me what I'm doing wrong? By all means, Selena, go ahead."

"You don't address your parents by their names, child," She scolded, slapping her hand on the table. "You're a disrespectful brat, and I won't tolerate your rude behavior."

"And you don't treat your kids like shit!" I yell back, "I'm disrespectful? Maybe if you'd actually spent time with me, I'd be as good as you want me to be! I'm not you, okay? I'm not! So stop trying to make it that way! I'm sick and tired of you blaming this on me. You're my mother. My MOTHER. But name ONE time you ever acted like one!"

"Jessie," My fathers voice warned. "Honey, that's enough."

"It's enough when I say it is, Michael!" My mother snapped at him, fixing her fiery eyes on me. "I've never acted like a mother? Who bought you whatever you wanted? WHO came to your every beckon call?"

"I don't know who you're thinking of, but I'm pretty sure that my FATHER did everything for me. Every time I asked you for something, there was an excuse. 'Oh, I have to get to London for the photo shoot,' or 'Not today, girl. I've got more important things to do.' What's more important than your ONLY child? Photo shoots? Interviews with famous people? I needed you, but you weren't there, so don't even act like you were."

Before my mom could yell an insult back, my phone began to buzz on the table, and before I could get back into the dining room, Selena snatched my phone up and hit answer.

"Who is this and why are you calling my daughter?" She asks, though some of the anger had subsided from her voice. "I don't know a Rupert."

"God, mom," I sigh, and hold my hand out, "Can I have my phone? Seriously. It's probably important."

After another minute, she held the phone out, and I snatched it from her, "What do you want?"

"You called back. I just- Jessie, it wasn't me. We didn't sleep together," He says, and I have to refrain from laughing out loud.

"So I should be glad that I'm not pregnant with your child?" I ask, and I regret it immediately. I chomp down on my lip and glance at my parents, who're staring at me in disbelief. I can't believe I just said that.

"You're..." He pauses, and I want to hang up and make up some excuse, but I can't. It's too late. "You're pregnant?"

I storm out of the room, leaving my parents staring at me with their jaws hanging low. After locking myself in the bathroom, I lean against the counter, and sigh, "I-I meant to say something sooner, but I thought...I don't know. I was sure that it was...was you, but you just told me it wasn't and- wait, how do you even know?"

"Um..." I push off the counter and turn to stare at myself in the mirror as he says, "I was hanging out with Phillip, and...he told me."

"How would he know?" I snap, slightly fearing that maybe, maybe, Rupert wasn't the one I'd slept with.

"Because, Jessie...he's the one you slept with."

****

"I can't believe you, little girl. We told you what would happen if you screwed up, yet you went out and partied. Got drunk, and fooled around with a useless boy, and now your life is ruined. Do you hear that? Ruined. We're going to have to cover this up. Is it too late for an abortion, do you think?" My mom paced back in forth in front of me, her eyes filled with anger. I wanted to cry. "Michael, call that lawyer that helped us a few months ago. I'm sure he'll be able to help us."

"Dear, I'm not comfortable with that. Jessie is a strong, responsible girl. She can make her own decisions," Dad states, his hand on his chin. I knew he was disappointed in me, and that's what tore me up the worst.

"If she was so responsible, she wouldn't have gotten herself into this in the first place. Now, the lawyer," She says sternly, and I was sure he was going to pull his phone out, but he just sat there. "Michael."

"Selena," He says, meeting her gaze. "She's 18. She can make her own decisions."

"I'm not getting an abortion," I say immediately, cringing as the word comes out of my mouth. "I've already lost one of them, I'm not killing the other. Plus, it already has a heartbeat. I'm not taking another life just because it would be better for me."

My mom growls in frustration, then grabs her coat and storms to the front door, "I'm going to speak to Clarisse. When I come back, I hope you have a better answer for me."

And with that, she leaves, slamming the door behind her. I stare at the door, and the tears come instantly. My father lifts up from his seat and wraps his burly arms around me, then rests his chin on my head.

"I'm sorry, J," He mumbles, though his voice is muffled by my head. "She's had a bad day, and this doesn't make it any better."

"She always has a bad day, Dad," I cry, not able to help it. I don't know what I ever did to make her hate me. "Are you...are you mad at me?"

He's quiet for a second, then he says, "Of course I'm not, honey. Just...surprised."

"Why does she hate me?" I felt like a child again, wrapped in my fathers arms after getting in trouble for missing a day of school for being sick.

Instead of sugar coating it like he usually does, he just sighs and says, "You ruined her reputation. She hates herself, too. When she got pregnant with you, I had to convince her not to get an abortion. I told her you'd bring her more attention. And you did."

I nod with a sniffle, then pull away, "Thank you, for saying no. I...I really didn't mean to, um...to get pregnant. It was an accident."

"I know, sweetheart. Now, you must be hungry," He pauses, then grins at me. "Pork chops?"

I grin back while I wipe my cheeks, and nod, "Pork chops."

Dafnie Serena Leto

It wasn't long until I couldn't think anymore. My mind was thinking so much that it just eventually became numb. Even the music that was downing out any other noise was silent to my ears.

I had my eyes shut, not wanting to see the world again. I don't know. I have no idea why I feel like this, like the world didn't matter and neither did I.

This is worse than the last time.

I knew I was breathing, but I couldn't feel it. I knew my heart was beating but... it felt like I was dead. A ghost just transcending between two dimensions, the living and the dead. And I was too scared to leave the living and too eager to join the dead.

My body was numb, just lying on my bed, forgetting the world and I even exist.

"Daffy?" a pause. "There's food on the table, come and eat." My mother was being sweet, speaking at a low tone.

I just nodded but I knew she didn't leave. Just a beat later and my mother was helping me up, as I stared ahead, not sure what to look at anymore. Her warm touch calmed my pained thoughts as she lead me down the hall and into the kitchen. My brother was already there, chomping on the food. Once he saw me though, he dropped his fork and I saw all the color drain from his face.

"Daffy?" he asked.

"I'm okay," I assured him, but he didn't take it.

"We need to help her again..." my mother sighed, sadness drained her voice. "I don't know why you get like this and I'm just so scare for you baby. I love you so much."

I felt so sorry for her, for having to deal with a shit like me. I don't help her. I make her sad and that's the last thing I wanted. I cared about her too much to see her hurt all the time. I understand that she wants me happy but all I'm doing is putting her down.

I don't want to die. That's something I know I'm afraid of. I can't die. But I don't want to be a burden for her. So I'll just leave and never come back. She'll be happy and maybe so will I. Because leaving is better than dying. I'll be able to start new. I'll be able to be sad on my own, or find someone to make me happy. Either way, she'll be happy.

Eating was a task, one that I was forcing myself to do because my stomach was pushing up my throat as I was shoving more down. This will keep me alive. This will keep my mother happy.

"I called Paul, he always makes you happy..." my mother sighed, my heart stung at the mention of his name. "He's going to be here shortly."

The fork slipped from my hands, making a clatter through the silent kitchen. I managed to just stare at the plate which was only covered with potatoes, since I hated them. I didn't know how to react. So, I just got up, and left the room, finding my way back to my bed, shutting the door behind me.

"Dafnie?" My mother questioned from behind the door.

I didn't answer. I just jumped under the covers and shut the whole world out.



"D, D, wake up," a familiar voice whispered at my ear.

I flickered my eyes open and saw concerned eyes. The blues were searching my face, trying to read something, as to maybe why I was so lost.

"I love you D," he said, his face not changing. "And you are a good person."

I just shook my head, pulling the covers more over me to cover my face. Paul managed to pull them back, meeting my eyes again.

"Hawthorne has been trying to reach you, so has Cole. They are worried. I am worried."

Somehow in this stage, talking wasn't my forte. My mouth felt dry, so I didn't want to strain myself if I didn't have to. My heart was racing, but I ignored it, knowing it was a mistake.

"I brought you a mix CD."

He went over to his backpack which he left by my desk and searched through it, pulling out a CD case. He then went to my entertainment area, placing the CD into the player. Soft music started to play, The Smiths. I shut my eyes, letting the words flood my thoughts.



I felt as Paul pulled back the overs and jumped in next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. That's what he always did, comforted me. He was warm and I fell into his chest, letting myself accept his love. No matter what kind it was. His breathing matched mine as we listened to The Smiths.